Love Notes – Part 2

بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم

Opinions on Marriage

  1. Marriage will make me a better Muslim
  2. Marriage will protect me from falling into fitnah and haram
  3. Marriage will make me live happily ever after
  4. In marriage, you cannot hate the person you love
    ○ One of the strangest things about love: the person you love the most…it’s a fine line between despicable hate and love
    ○ genuine love can transform into hate bc you’re investing so much love in that person
    ○ healthiest marriages: achieve equilibrium between love and hate knowing it’s okay to hate things the person does
  5. Marriage will heal all my past wounds
  6. Marriage is a piece of cake if you marry the right person
  7. Marriage benefits men more than women
  8. Love is enough to sustain a marriage
    ○ The economy is rough LOL – when the economy is rough, divorce skyrockets
    ○ Prophet (SAW) – One of the things we look for in marriage is “Malihah”, her wealth
  9. Religious practising Muslims have a perfect marriage FALSE
  10. Marriage is a natural process that you can figure out on your own FALSE

○ requires thought, DETERMINATION
○ Prophet (SAW) to Jabir (RA), a man who told him got engaged: “did you look into her eyes” – meaning did you find love in her eyes? Did you spend enough time looking into her eyes to know she’s the one? Marriage isn’t something you just come by!

Most of the marriages that occurred in the time of the Sahabah RA were not familial, rather they were cross-cultural.
Bilal RA did not marry someone from Habshah.
The Prophet Muhammad SAW married Mariyah RA she was from Egyptian background. He SAW married Safiyyah RA and she was from a Jewish background.
They did not always marry their cousins or within the family and the same caste.

○ 1. Optional love:

You lead yourself to love and you fall deeper in love. It can grow if you allow it to grow; you need to take concrete steps, not just sit back and wait.
■ eg: your love for your spouse gets deeper as the relationship progresses
■ there are things you didn’t know that you love today, and things you loved then that you love in a different way now
■ We live today in an era with a lot of “popcorn love” → it’s not how I met your mother; it’s how many people met your mother
● The types of love that we are fed is a vain type of imagery and people make millions off of it – it’s AN INDUSTRY
● eg: Adele’s Someone Like You – national anthem of a home wrecker. This is the kind of woman you want to keep away from your husband. — THAT’S WHAT’S PUT OUT THERE AS A LOVE SONG… but it’s actually the love of desire
● We raise a generation of people that think that a booty call is acceptable, that someone can ring her up at 9pm.

 

Surah Al’Imran:14
“Beautified for people is the love of that which they desire- of women and sons, heaped-up sums of gold and silver, fine branded horses, and cattle and tilled land. That is the enjoyment of worldly life, but Allah has with Him the best return.”
■ “Beautified for people is the love they desire…”
● what they love is what they want to do with the person for a certain amount of time
● the guy/girl that compromises your relationship FSA, they don’t love you – they love, the desire (difference b/w love and love of desire): عشق andحب

Imam Ibnul Qayyim RH differentiates between ■ a was عشق whilst love noble and pure was حب says

He ● has forbidden, beyond the limits type of love. قشع is when someone goes to haram measures to be with the one they love outward same, set Allah boundaries the cross you – عشق ● characteristics as love
○ Anything you do in the name of love through sin/ compromising Allah’s boundaries is NOT love. Anything you do would you where love flaming that is عشق ○ for that person, that anything is what puts you in trouble
عشق as someone to love your explaining avoid to Try ○
○ If someone is willing to compromise their relationship with Allah swt, then nothing is stopping them from compromising you to have you why is that→ حب from your prevents عشق ○ heal and purify your soul from the love of desire
● The difference is simple, Allah loves when you love, بح , Allah loves that, but when you are upsetting Allah, that is قشع
● love is conciliatory, it’s being able to talk about the difficult things – “I didn’t like the way you said that”
○ you’re a tree that’s planted deep, not just fluff- you know the person is there to stay
○ 2. Non-Optional love
■ we’re asked to guard our gaze against the Haraam because we can fall for the unattainable
■ That love is not Haram, but acting upon it in Haram means is! The Sight/Eyes
● Hijab is not about the beauty of the women
○ if it WAS that, prophet Yusuf would need a hijab Lolz.(women cut their hands upon seeing him)
○ Yusuf, when they saw him they would “Akbar”, say Allahu Akbar, and they would cut their hands → if it was about beauty, then Allah would have put a niqab on him
○ that wasn’t the logical step
○ Cultural construct: Khateeb says something like “summer’s here bros, be careful” → cage them before they POUNCE 😛 → THIS IS A PERVERSION
■ sexuality and nudity was much more rampant at the time of Prophet (SAW)
■ At that time, if a woman was owned, a woman would be forbidden from covering above the navel… that is how pervasive nudity was
■ Paternity was so loose, that when someone was married they were married to the tribe, anyone from the tribe would lay claim to her
○ That is why we are told to guard our eyes → it is your duty as a man to run away from the Haram, it is inexcusable to say “I couldn’t help it”; it was much worse in other places
○ It is a sexist thing we have in our community is that we lower the standard of men; that is not Islamic
● One of the issues in marriage is a man who cannot guard his eyes – it is not embarrassing just for the women, it is embarrassing for him in front of Allah SWT.
● the sight is the quickest access to the soul/heart
○ Prophet (SAW) – that’s why you close the eyes of the deceased
○ Prophet (SAW) – The sinful glance is a sinful arrow of Iblis that strikes the heart
○ The eye is the easiest gate to the heart
○ There is no sinfulness in a man looking at a woman for identifying them, or doing something professional; the only problem is the fitnah in the heart
■ If you appreciate a person as a sexual being, then that is when you turn away
○ Prophet (ﷺ) telling Ali (RA) – the first look is for you. But if you return your gaze for a sinful reason (ie to “check them out”) then it’s sinful.

Narrated `Abdullah bin `Abbas RA: Al-Fadl RA (his brother) was riding behind Allah’s Messenger (ﷺ) and a woman from the tribe of Khath’am came and Al-Fadl RA started looking at her and she started looking at him. The Prophet (ﷺ) turned Al-Fadl’s RA face to the other side. The woman said, “O Allah’s Messenger (ﷺ)! The obligation of Hajj enjoined by Allah on His devotees has become due on my father and he is old and weak, and he cannot sit firm on the Mount; may I perform Hajj on his behalf?” The Prophet (ﷺ) replied, “Yes, you may.” That happened during the Hajj-al-Wida (of the Prophet (ﷺ).
Sitting behind the Prophet (ﷺ)
○ Ibn Abbas RA said, “a woman of spectacular beauty came up to Prophet (SAW)”
○ Ibn Abbas RA noticed the beauty and restrained himself so Prophet (SAW) didn’t turn his face
○ However Al Fadl RA was, so he turned his face for him
● During the time of the Prophet SAW, segregation was not a rule,
○ Prophet (SAW) stood on a pulpit at a woman’s request – so she could see him during khutbas
○ the same pulpit is going to be beside Al-Kauthar on the Day of Judgement

**SIDE NOTE** We will all pass through the sirat through Jahanam, each at different paces (based on your answer regarding your relationship with Allah)
● When we walk through we will say “Praise be to Allah who saved me from your torture”
● Then you will walk through the qantara ( a bridge), and that is when you will have to make the recompense for the wrong you have done to others
● Those that will have most against us are those that we have spent most time with..it’s there you’ll find your wife, kids…
● not an easy journey to set balance straight with others Pornography
● one of the most proliferated vices
● technology is driven by this proliferation
● around the time of VHS, Sony tried to patent “Beta”
○ Sony was owned and operated out of Japan
○ Japan = very ethical
○ Pornography industry wanted to use Sony for filming…
○ execs said no thanks
○ VHS said “okay let’s do it!”
○ Sony developed Blu-Ray gave access to porn industry to
○ → the web applications you and I use are primarily driven by companies that want you to watch their porn
● sociologists say it’s impossible to escape your teen years without exposure to some kind of pornography
● Addicting – Mind has these synapses, you watch something and you want it more
● BUT luckily your brain has this “use it or lose it” function – if you stop watching this kind of stuff

Story of Mughith RA and Bareerah RA

Bareerah RA was a female slave and A’ishah RA was interested in buying her. She was married to Mughith, and Ai’shah freed her (they were married in slavery); a free woman cannot marry a slave man, so after she became free, she had the choice to keep this marriage or to ask for the dissolution of the marriage. She said, “Alhamdulillah, I’m tired of this marriage, I’m going to get out.” Mugheeth loved her so much, sincerely and
honestly. After she left him, he couldn’t take it, so he went into public weeping, chasing
her, asking her “Ya Bareerah just look at me or talk to me.” He went to sahabah and said,
“Please talk to her for me (to Abu Bakr and Umar and at the end, even to the Prophet (ﷺ) to ask him to intercede. So Prophet (ﷺ), (as the mercy for mankind) felt sorry for him, and he said he’d do it. When he went to Bareerah, she asked, “Are you commanding me or are you just interceding?” The Prophet (ﷺ) said, “I’m interceding.” She replied, “If this is the case, then I don’t want him”, and since all else failed, he spent his life chasing after her and crying for her. “The husband of Bareerah was a slave called Mughith. It is as if I can see him now, walking behind her and weeping, with tears running down his cheeks. The Prophet (ﷺ) said to ‘Abbas RA: ‘O Abbas RA, are you not amazed by the love of Mugheeth for Bareerah, and the hatred of Bareerah for Mughith?’

And the Prophet (ﷺ) said to her: Why don’t you take him back, for he is the father of your child?’ She said: ‘O Messenger of Allah, are you commanding me (to do so)?’ He said: ‘No, rather I am interceding.’ She said: ‘I have no need of him.’ ”

 

THE CIRCLE OF LIFE
Two Major Theories on Love (according to marriage therapists)

  1. Bank Account Theory
    ● When a relationship develops, it is like you opened a bank account with them
    ● You deposit feelings and actions and emotions and you expect a reciprocation or “debit”
    ● It makes people feel like the person is drawing more than they are credited.
    ● ihdina siraat al mustaqeem
    ○ istiqamah – balance. So that if it shakes, you don’t fall over.
    ○ You don’t take out more than what’s in the bank 2. Gas Tank Theory
    ● most brothers don’t mind coasting with the yellow light on
    ○ in counselling: I didn’t know anything was wrong
    ● sisters – don’t wait till the breaking point
    ○ in counselling: I was giving him so many yellow lights
    ● we think about the same problems in different ways

A Husband’s Guide to Ruining a Good Marriage

  1. Show thankfulness to everyone for kindness to show you except your wife. Let your wife see you CAPABLE of saying thanks to others, but INCAPABLE of showing gratitude to the person who shares your life.
  2. Mention your wife’s faults. Keep them on file. Use the mistakes she’s made to cover your own stupidity.
  3. Randomly/unnecessarily spend time out of the house, for no reason…and when she calls you, don’t answer.
  4. Be connected to all your social media/devices simultaneously and ask her to make you a sandwich. Do all of that while the kids are up and she gets aggravated.
  5. Monitor her level of attire and conduct…all while watching mature content on TV (not just porn…just TV shows of people dressed inappropriately).
  6. Say things like “kids…what kids? Am I responsible for them?” Be that absent father
  7. Argue and fight in front of your kids because your kids need memories, those loving moments of tenderness.
  8. Say things like, “I forbid you” and “you’re not allowed” and “I command you” (because she’s 2 years old and you can’t have a conversation while sharing each other’s view).
  9. Strike, push, shove your wife – and then feel bad and say, “I’m sorry, but you’re the one who ____” as if it’s her fault as if there was anything that warranted your hostility.
  10. Spend a lot of your disposable income on luxury items…but refuse to pay AlMaghrib course costs because Islam should be for free.
  11. Put down your wife’s cooking, attire, shape, clothes…in front of your family and say “I’m just joking!”
  12. When you walk beside her in public, don’t lower your gaze. Instead, sleazily check out other women. Because that’s classy.
  13. Be insensitive, quiet, withdrawn, sarcastic all day…and at night expect intimacy
  14. Motivate her by comparing her to your own sisters, friend’s wives, etc …And keep her at the bottom of the list
  15. Never reconsider a decision you made after she advises you she’s wrong because she will never respect you thereafter so she should never win those arguments.
  16. Show how close you’ve come together by sharing your vulgar sounds and smells at random moments of the day and night.

 

A Wife’s Guide to Ruining a Good Marriage

  1. Forget that hijab begins within as an attitude and not just fabric. Act/talk in weird ways. Forget that hijab is not in the clothes that you wear but the attitude that you have.
  2. Tell your friends near and far about your family problems in detail and tell them “shh don’t tell anyone” because of course, they’ll keep it.
  3. Nagging is an art. You must perfect it. The more you repeat yourself, the better he will understand you
  4. When your husband is tense, stressed and had a bad day…push his button. You know the button.
  5. Your Motto: Treat them mean, so they’ll be keen. If you soften and they see it as a weakness, they’ll walk all over you
  6. When you’re upset with each other privately, make sure you let the kids know how horrible he is.
  7. RUIN – Intimacy is a weapon. Randomly/ for no apparent reason, restrict it, just to teach him a lesson.
  8. When your friends get a new TV, you get a Smart TV. When they get bling, you get bling bling. Keep up with the Patels.
  9. If your husband is having troubles with his parents/siblings, stick your nose in it. Everyone will love you later. a. if he asks for your advice…say you love them at least neutral/distant
  10. Get your father and mother to talk to him about problems you have with him that you never shared with him…surprise!
  11. The silent treatment IS communication. There’s nothing wrong with keeping him guessing.
  12. If your husband succeeds in something, don’t encourage him…you don’t want him to think he’s special but if he makes a mistake, bury him.
  13. Argue in front of your children. In fact, use vulgarity in front of your kids in front of each other.
  14. Say things like, “I don’t trust you”, “why are you late”, “where are you going” – without cause for suspicion…because no man can be trusted.
  15. TV-ing is a verb. Always have the TV on. It’s a good babysitter and it passes the time. Always let it be part of your home life.
  16. When you feel that spark of love is missing, by recalling past loves and make him feel that your thoughts are still with them

 

Love in the Sunnah pg 81
→ He didn’t just marry to help people, or just for sexual appetite.
→ Sometimes people asked him to marry them and he wasn’t interested, some of the prophet’s wives weren’t “sexually available” so that’s not why he married them

 

  1. When you eat, eat with her
    ○ it’s kind of a vulgar translation to say, “when you eat, feed with her”
    ○ Prophet (SAW) never ate from a plate alone
    ○ That’s why you can give even half a date
    ○ Way to a man’s heart is through his stomach
    ○ There’s comfort/barakah in food
    ○ Prophet (SAW) – make sure the people who have open access to your food (because of frankness) are people of piety

 

  1. When you buy yourself something, buy her something as well
    ○ it’s not about what you buy her – it’s about when you think about yourself, you think about your spouse
    ○ People wouldn’t gift the prophet without gifting Aisha (RA) a gift – other wives were jealous sometimes

 

  1. Seek her counsel
    ○ When Prophet (ﷺ) said “she obeyed her husband” – it’s qualitative. There’s no obedience to anyone unless there’s obedience to Allah
    ○ Day of Hudaibiyya – rumour spreads that Uthman has been killed. so they make a treaty under a tree to avenge his death…but it was a false alarm
    ○ …Prophet (SAW) took counsel with Umm Salamah

 

  1. Seat her where you sit=
    ○ sit together
    ○ Prophet (ﷺ) would have a cushion and when his wife/daughter would come in, he’d give it to her

 

  1. What you ask of her, be willing to give her
    ○ Surat Al Baqarah
    ○ Abdullah Ibn Abbas, one of the greatest mufassiroon, would get ready (clothes, smelling, looking nice) to go into his home – his students would be like why are you getting ready to go into your house instead of getting ready upon leaving
    ■ lahunna….(for her what u expect of her?)

 

  1. Say “I love you” often and show it through your consistent behaviour – Who do you love the most?
    ○ “don’t tell me you love me…why…because my parents”
    ○ ‘Aisha (May Allah Be Pleased With Her) would often seek reassurance from The Prophet (Peace & Blessings Be Upon Him) that he loved her. “How is your love for me?” she once asked. “Like the rope’s knot,” The more you pull at it and stress it, the stronger it gets. Many times after that she would ask, “How is the knot?” and he would reply:” “The same as the first day it was tied!”
    ○ Prophet (SAW) had sweat on his brow and…Aisha related it to the poetry about the blessed nature of his sweat… being like the pearls in the ocean. Prophet (SAW) came over, kissed her forehead and said “you’re more beloved to me than all of them” ♥
    ○ Ali RA came home and saw Fatimah brushing her teeth with miswak and he started spouting poetry to the toothbrush “no one got to that place before me like you, if you were a man I would have killed you, etc.”
    ○ Three qualities of being a MAN in Arabic folklore
    ■ courageous in battle
    ■ eloquent in words
    ■ passionate about family
  2. Be generous with your money on her and your children
    ○ spend on your family
    ○ Prophet (ﷺ) – charity with the greatest barakah is the money spent on the family
    ■ lan tanalul birr
    ■ Abu Talha upon the revelation of the verse said “I have these two gardens”…Prophet (SAW) said no, distribute it among your fam 8. Travel together
    ○ Prophet (SAW) always took along a wife on his travels.
    ○ There were 2 instances when Aisha (RA) lost her necklace.
    ○ Tayammum was a result of Aisha (RA) losing her necklace in a place with no water, and they spent so much time looking for it that they had to stay till morning, and everyone was upset because they couldn’t do wudhu, so Allah SWT sent the ayat regarding tayammum○ Everyone has heard of the hadith regarding Aisha and Prophet SAW racing, but it wasn’t an olympic style race…Shaykh Yahya would say that “they romantically frolicked through the sand dunes of Arabia”
  3. Let her feel your concern for her well-being
    ○ Safiyyah comes to masjid where Prophet (SAW) is doing i’tikaf to talk to Prophet (SAW)…and he left the i’tikaf to walk her home
  4. Show chivalry (mar’oo-a)
    ○ one of the things we don’t demonstrate enough – you do the best of what is right) – sense of honour that you’re the server (open door, serve food
    ○ Prophet (SAW) the server should always be the last to eat
    ○ Safiyyah RA – wanted to get on top of a camel but she was too short…so the Prophet (SAW) got the camel to come down but she still couldn’t reach. So he gets down on a knee and she steps on top of it to get on the camel

 

  1. Be flexible & Humorous
    ○ Aisha (RA) was younger – not much experience in housework, cooking.
    ○ Aisha (RA) once cooked something and presented it to Prophet (SAW)
    ○ When Prophet (SAW) didn’t like a dish, he never said no to it but suggested an alternative.
    ○ Prophet (SAW) suggested going over to Sawdah’s house
    ■ When Sawdah came out with the meal, Aisha (RA) was jealous so she smacked down the plate, it fell and broke.
    ■ Prophet (ﷺ) said, “Why don’t you try it, maybe you’ll like it?” – diffuses the situation, doesn’t call her out on her jealousy
    ○ Then when he got home, he said: “You liked her food, so why don’t you send her a plate of your food?” – This way, he subtly got Aisha to replace the dish she broke.
  2. Kissable & Hygienic
    ○ Prophet (ﷺ) was very affectionate
    ○ Prophet (ﷺ) would kiss his wives before leading prayer – but he had the strength of a 1000 men – it was to make them feel loved, out of intimacy, not sexually
  3. Nicknames
    ○ Prophet (ﷺ) had nicknames for his wives, he would call Aisha “Ya Eish” – that it is through her that he gets “Eish” (life)
  4. Closer than your garment
    ○ hadith about bathing from a bowl with dough residue in it
    ○ allowance to bathe with the spouse
    ○ Ibn Hajar RH derives a lot of fiqh from it
  5. Intimacy not just sexually
    ○ Aisha (RA) – Prophet (SAW) knew that I liked to touch his skin so he’d remove his shirt so my skin could be on his
  6. Allah is first
    ○ “When it was time for prayer, it was like he didn’t know us”
  7. Time away – 1 month can be 29 days.
Advertisements

Unapologetically Telling The Truth Is A Terrible Thing to Admire

Why do we value “unapologetically telling the truth like it is” so highly? When did this become an actual thing that we lionize and aspire to? Why do we celebrate those who do this?

What’s the point of telling it like it is, even if people hate it? And what does it say about us as a community if this is how sincerity and authenticity is expressed? When did it become some type of significant accomplishment that is lauded by others?

There’s obviously an immediate benefit. You gain notoriety, fans, social media engagement, and maybe even just enough of a following to leverage a career (or presidency) out of it.

I have noticed a trend lately, particularly in discourse about Islamic issues online, where people are being heralded and promoted for telling it like it is.

This culture appears to be an overreaction to another problem (as most extremes often are) – speaking about issues without any principles, or watering down and politicizing them. When something in regards to the religion is watered down, the perception is that this is done from a position of weakness.

By speaking the unapologetic truth harshly, a person may feel they are taking on a task for the community that others are not. They are giving voice to a perspective that may otherwise be silent. They are providing objective and accurate intellectual analysis without any emotion or sugar-coating.

Validation follows. Others encourage them for speaking up and saying the things they are unafraid to say. This makes the person feel they are taking on an important task on behalf of the ummah, and continue to do so. Then they get more fans and comments, and the cycle continues.

This validation loop, particularly online when it is in the form of likes and comments, makes it challenging to engage criticisms of this approach objectively. After all, everyone is telling you this is incredible – why should you listen to the few uptight people who are so focused on tone instead of the unapologetic truth bomb you are dropping on people?

This justification comes from prioritizing the utility of giving a correct point of view over how it is delivered – especially when this point of view is drowned out by all the people with the wrong understanding.

When given real feedback on tone or etiquette, people who pride themselves on being unapologetic or authentic will respond by deflecting this advice. Focus on the intellectual merits of the argument they’ll argue. Or they will deflect it by pointing to some type of bad character on the part of people who hold the opposing viewpoint as them. Don’t worry about my bad attitude, worry about that other person’s character instead. Or they’ll appeal to authority and declare that they already have teachers or mentors that give them advice, so they are free to dismiss comments no matter how legitimate. For people who pride themselves on being objective or intellectual, these are all profoundly childish responses.

What is billed as being authentic or unapologetic is really a mask for laziness and ego.

The Qur’an lays out a model that we’ll refer to as the ‘high-competency’ approach:

By an act of mercy from God, you [Prophet] were gentle in your dealings with them—had you been harsh, or hard-hearted, they would have dispersed and left you—so pardon them and ask forgiveness for them. Consult with them about matters, then, when you have decided on a course of action, put your trust in God: God loves those who put their trust in Him (3:159).

Where in this ayah does it appear that the approach of telling the cold hard truth would fall?

Telling the unapologetic truth without regard for how people take it is the easy way out. Anyone can do that. The problem is that it does not work. It causes people to get turned off. Those who lionize this approach will counter by saying, “so what?” They put the blame on the people who can’t handle the message instead of taking responsibility for how they deliver it.

That’s why it’s lazy. It’s a low competency form of delivering a message. The only people who celebrate it are ones that already agree with it. It does not accomplish the ultimate task of winning hearts and minds or changing someone’s viewpoint.

Instead, it puts the focus on the person giving the message – how courageous, authentic, and direct they are. This makes the communication inherently ego driven because the intended audience is now ignored. The actual content of a person’s message also gets lost as they start to craft their identity around speaking forcefully instead of effectively. They show no concern for the recipient of the message, only in themselves.

The task of winning hearts and minds, or changing someone’s ideological worldview, is not done through a hot take on Facebook. It is done as the ayah above indicates – with kindness in dealings with them.

Giving hot takes on social media builds fans and followings, not relationships. The ultimate irony is that unapologetically speaking the truth actually prevents people from developing the relationships to affect positive change in the community because no one wants to be around them.

“How well you take criticism depends less on the message and more on your relationship with the messenger. It’s surprisingly easy to hear a hard truth when it comes from someone who believes in your potential and cares about your success.” –Adam Grant

It requires the hard work of building relationships with people and building community. True leaders understand that this requires years of investment into people – not all of which will be documented on social media. Success means playing the long game.

It means going to a tyrant like Fir’awn, and still speaking kindly because the ultimate intent is different than to just tell it like it is.

It means that when the young man walks into the masjid of the Prophet (s) and asks permission to commit zina (adultery), that the Prophet (s) takes him and teaches him kindly. He could have easily reminded him about the jurisprudential rulings about adultery, and the prescribed punishment – no doubt that would be unapologetically speaking the truth. But it would not have achieved the intended outcome, so the Prophet (s) had to take the approach that would actually produce results.

But wait, what about all the times in the life of the Prophet (s) when harshness was used? Didn’t he speak the truth clearly? Yes. There are always going to be situations where this is called for strategically as a tool intended for a specific result. The problem we are highlighting is not of speaking the truth clearly, but one of expressing it in a harsh way such that people are turned off. And worse, people who respond to the harshness with cheerleading and zealousness instead of genuine care and concern for the one who is wrong to gain some sense of rectification.

There is something deeper at play here than ego or taking the easy way out. Authenticity.

Authenticity is the buzzword we use to express sincerity. When I tell it like it is, I am being authentic and sincere. Not fake. Not a sell-out.

Authenticity presents a paradox: Do you do what’s effective, or do you do what is true to yourself? We might reach a certain level of success and influence by being a certain way. The challenge is getting to the next level. If that means suddenly changing how I communicate or speaking with what I term to be watered down political jargon, then no thanks. This is the mindset that allows us to morally justify our unapologetic approach, and actually double down on it when told to act otherwise.

Authenticity is a barrier to personal growth. We use this idea of it representing sincerity as an excuse to keep from changing. We have to shift from delivering the information people need to know (low-level) to creating the conditions of increasing learning (high-level).

This requires putting in the work to change our approach and character.

The Prophet (s) said that ‘the two characteristics that led the most people into Paradise were consciousness of Allah and good character’ (Tirmidhi).

Don’t let anyone subvert this in the name of unapologetically speaking the truth.

Low competency individuals are drawn to telling it like it is. High competency individuals are attracted to painting the vision of how things could be – and building the bridge to help and serve people in getting there.

https://www.ibnabeeomar.com/blog/unapologetically-telling-the-truth-is-a-terrible-thing-to-admire

 

he-tells-it-like-it-is-paul-not

WORLD WAR III: Mother-In-Law VS Daughter-In-Law

بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم

“I am not perfect. Let’s both assume that the other is doing the best she can.”

Mother-In-Law-HeartWeddings are usually such happy occasions, full of love and hope for the future of the bride and groom. As wonderful as it can be, it can also mean mother-in-law problems. Something happens the moment a bride says, “I accept him.” Not only does she get a husband, but in most cases, a mother-in-law as well.

But far too many women describe this relationship as fragile, tense, and even competitive.

It’s no secret that in-laws are the subject of many marital arguments. The rivalry between wives and their mothers-in-law is a major source of tension in many marriages. You may find it interesting that many new brides get along very well with their husband’s parents at first; it isn’t until later—sometimes years later—that friction develops.

Time-after-time, daughters-in-law say things like, “My husband’s parents welcomed me into their family immediately and treated me as their own daughter.” Likewise, “My own in-laws showered me with gifts and included me in everything”. It’s not uncommon for young women to be very fond of their husband’s family, and vice versa… in the beginning.

Later on down the marriage, dealing with in-laws can be an overwhelming challenge—whether you are dealing with an overbearing mother-in-law who believes her opinions are superior to yours—or someone who tries to make you feel guilty whenever your needs conflict with hers. It may be tempting to gossip, hold silent grudges, or cut off all communication with troublesome in-laws – but that often just adds to the problem.

 

Mother-in-law problems can be one of the biggest issues in an engaged or married couple’s life. In some cases, they’re really more like out-laws. Some mother-in-laws have a way of letting everyone know their displeasure with the new family member over issues big and small – and yet seem to forget their own son or daughter can think or speak for themselves, and in most cases, should.

Why is it that the mother-in-law relationship can be so difficult? When you think about it, it really shouldn’t be. You have so many meaningful things in common: love for the same person, wanting what’s best for that person, and for them to be happy. For some though, it’s these same things that make for fast adversaries.

Some mother-in-law problems arise out of a competition for the attention of the adult child. Because they are now spending all of their time with their new spouse, there may not seem to be room enough for mum, which can be seen as not loving them as much anymore. When they visit mum, of course your spouse is going to take you with them – you’re now a package deal. Mother-in-law’s can be very resentful of having to share time and space with someone else.

Who would know what’s best for their kids better than a mother? As adults, however, we know what’s best for ourselves, not our mum. Some mothers, however, feel that they should reign supreme over our lives – even when we’re 45-years-old. It can be a hard habit for parents to break and some never feel compelled to stop parenting, even adult children. What makes that more difficult is that some of us don’t know how to let our mothers know that we are now adults who think for ourselves.

No one wants or needs their mother-in-law (or future one) telling them what’s best for their partner or worse, guilt-tripping them because of some imaginary slight or that they don’t measure up to her expectations. Big or small, whatever the issue may be, if she can’t refrain from commenting or speaking out inappropriately, it’s up to our spouse to talk to her. This can be difficult for our partners since for some it can seem unthinkable to speak out “against” their mother and be independent.

mother-in-law-problems

Advice for mother-in-laws:

  1. Pray for your daughter in law, rather than prey on her. Hope and pray that the marriage of your son will be successful. Don’t sit in the background and hope for your daughter-in-law to fail. Ask Allah to show you how to love your daughter-in-law as your own daughter.
  2. Try to be understanding more than criticising. Ask questions to understand. Don’t tell your daughter-in-law how things should be. Don’t expect your son to do what you want him to do anymore. Expect and encourage him to consult with his wife. Rather than question or criticize your daughter-in-law, speak to her and reason with her.
  3. Compliment your daughter-in-law; never complain about her. Honour your daughter-in-law in the presence of your son. Compliment your daughter-in-law; never complain. Make an effort to applaud, praise, and thank your daughter-in-law. Tell her how much you appreciate her positive influence on your son and why you think she’s a good mother. Your daughter-in-law may be different from you. Accept her for who she is. Realise that your daughter-in-law wasn’t raised the same way you raised your son and maybe doesn’t have the same standards you have. Perhaps she is from a different family or caste or race…Try to understand her mind set and the way her family operated. Do not try to change her into who you would like her to be.
  4. Act like a family, fight like a family, not an enemy. Encourage your son to build, develop, and define his marriage role. Don’t fight for position by grasping and grabbing for your son’s time and emotions.  Good mums want their kids to have good marriages. If you are a family, act like one. Families fight, they discuss their issues and that’s how they get resolved. This can be done lovingly and constructively, not destructively! It doesn’t have to be a he said/she said/you said situation. Tiptoeing around the problems and acting like they don’t exist doesn’t help anyone, it only hurts everyone in the long run. Ask your daughter-in-law to let you know if/when you offend her. Remember that Shaytan wants to destroy your relationship.
  5. Your son isn’t perfect, not before marriage and certainly not after. Remember that your son has always had faults. Your child was not perfect before she married him. You love your son, so does your daughter-in-law. Every change that you see in your son is not her doing. Every change that you see in your son is not her doing.

 

A good mother-in-law doesn’t make the wife feel like she doesn’t measure up, or give the impression that she wishes her son would have made a ‘better’ choice.  A good mother-in-law encourages, accepts, and loves unconditionally. Allow your daughter-in-law to disagree and know that it isn’t something personal.  Don’t be offended if a daughter-in-law does not share your tastes, dreams, and values. Tell her about decisions you faced as a mother of infants, toddlers, teenagers, young adults, etc. Talk about more than superficial things. Get to know her for the person Allah created her to be. Then, come alongside her to mentor, encourage, and build a relationship so that if/when you need to give loving input or direction, it is not taken as meddling. Express your gratitude towards her: “You truly are the wind beneath my son’s sails and I really appreciate and love you. You understand my son far better than I do, and I thank Allah for you.” “I’ve got the best daughter-in-law God could give. I am so blessed.” Finally, offer to take care of the grandkids so your daughter-in-law can have a day to herself.

Okay, mothers-in-law, there’s the list. What are we going to do about it?

daughter-in-law-quote-3-picture-quote-1

The second year of my son’s marriage, he and his wife had Thanksgiving with us. My daughter-in-law made a delicious sweet potato casserole. My mother and I complemented her on it and asked for the recipe. “It’s a family recipe,” my daughter-in-law said. “So I don’t give it out.”   —Anonymous mother-in-law

Whoa! I had thought that daughters-in-law were the ones with the in-law stories. Well, apparently mothers-in-law have their share of stories, too.

One mother-in-law wrote something that brought back memories. “That little boy that brought me dandelions and messy hugs,” she said, “is now a grown man with a family of his own. I need to fully release him so he is allowed to change and adapt to his wife and adult life.  I don’t want to be a parent who says or does things that grate in the mind of my daughter-in-law. She is the one who knows my son best now.”

Yes, a mom relinquishes her title of “first lady” in her son’s life on his wedding day. Perhaps that’s why some have described the relationship between a mother- and daughter-in-law as fragile or tense. Allah certainly didn’t intend it to be that way.

Advice for daughter-in-laws:

  1. She is still his mother, she gave birth to him. Even though you are the woman in her son’s life now, be considerate of the fact that she used to be the woman in his life. The most important thing that you can do for your mother-in-law is to love her son unconditionally…You’ve now taken the spot as her son’s biggest
  2. Respect her for who she is, think of her as your own mother. Don’t try to change your mother -in-law. Accept her eccentricities. Realise that she may do things differently in her home, try to understand her ways. Especially, if you live with them. Bear in mind her age, think of your elderly parents.

 

  1. Do not assume things, rather ask and clarify. If I have offended you, I may not know this. You have the freedom to say to me, nicely, ‘Remember when you said ______. Did you mean _____?’ I am not perfect. Let’s both assume that the other is doing the best she can. Don’t judge, there are two sides to any story.
  2. Remember, you are family and not foes! Ring your mother-in-law off your phone not your son’s phone. Take her out, just the two of you. Go shopping! Discover what you have in common. Keep your in-laws informed of their grandchildren, don’t deprive them.
  3. Express gratitude, not a bad attitude! Post on your Facebook page: ‘I am thankful for my mother-in-law! I am so grateful for our great relationship. It is so important! And ever since I got married our relationship has become so natural and I love spending time with her!’ Please take time to express your appreciation for a gift by writing a note or calling just to say, ‘Thanks!’ If she or any of your in-laws visit you welcome them in with a smile, prepare something special for them. Show your happiness, don’t block yourself from them.

Some mothers- and daughters-in-law form close friendships very quickly. For others, this may take years. But most mothers- and daughters-in-law do want to connect with each other. They want to find common ground. They want to know each other as individual women with feelings, beliefs, and ideas. Do not fight your mother-in-law over your husband and same to the mother-in-law over your son. If the daughter-in-law cooks something or buys something for her husband, please do not compete with her for praises.

mil

In Plain English…

I seek refuge in Allah from the outcast Satan,

In the name of Allah, the Beneficent, the Merciful.

IMG-20140219-WA0020

“And hold fast, all of you together, to the rope of Allah, and be not divided among yourselves.” [Surah Ale Imran: 103]

“There was no Racism between the Companions of the Prophet (SAW), for they all believed in the principle that the most honourable amongst them was the one with the most Taqwa.” [Shaykh Saleem Dhorat Saheb, IDA, Leicester.]

From the title, you may already have figured out the contents of this article are going to be pretty hard-hitting, straightforward, straight to the point, somewhat bitter and a bit of a rollercoaster ride for those of us who are not accustomed to listening to the truth.

Out of the many problems we see in society, Racism is one that is still prevalent in our societies.

However, Racism is an issue that is still one that is not something that we see commonly discussed; not in the Mosques, not on the pulpits, nor do we often hear talks and lectures on this topic, why is this the case?

Is it because we feel hypocritical talking about it?

Is it because we don’t think we can eradicate Racism from our communities, that the problem has gone too far?

Is it because we are proud of being Racists?

Or is it simply, we just don’t find anything wrong with Racism, because we have normalised it within our homes, within our towns, within our cities, it has become so main scale in everyday society now?

Whatever the reason is, it is not a justified one!

“Let people stop boasting about their ancestors. One is only a pious believer or a miserable sinner. All men are sons of Adam, and Adam came from dust” (1)

[Prophet Muhammad Sall’Allahu ‘Alayhi Wasallam]

Racism should be a key area of concern within our communities if we truly believe in the principles of justice, fairness and equality.

After having lived in a small town in the North West of England, (Blackburn), for the last 30 years, I have seen and heard enough comments and remarks made in this small community, to muster up the courage In Sha Allah, and write this as a response to ‘all that goes on’ behind closed doors.

The Prophet Muhammad (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) dealt with these issues of Racism 1400 years ago. When Abu Dharr (may Allah be pleased with him) addressed to Bilal (may Allah be pleased with him) with, “You son of a black woman!” and Bilal (may Allah be pleased with him) got insulted, he went to the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him).

He told the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) “O Messenger of Allah, … this is what Abu Dharr has said to me.” 

The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) called Abu Dharr and said, “O Abu Dharr you are a man who still has the traits of ignorance in him! I am equally the son of a black woman, as I am the son of a white woman.” (This is because He (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) was breastfed by a black woman).

In another narration, the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) said, “You are a man who calls to Jahiliyyah, whoever calls to the call of Jahiliyyah, he will be in the fire of Jahannam!” And the Sahabah (may Allah be pleased with them) asked, “What if he prays and fasts?” He (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) said, “Even if he prays and he fasts.”

This was simply because Racism was prevalent amongst the Arabs before Islam, but after Islam, it was successfully eradicated.

Some of us are impressed and inspired and even enthralled by the colour of people’s skin, this demonstrates just how shallow, we as Muslims have become.

Look around the world and you will see how, in particular countries, there are two individuals of equal education, two employees doing the same job, but one is paid more than the other!

Why?

Simply because one is white and one is of a darker complexion!

This is our state, we are mesmerised by the colour of a person’s pigmentation.

Now let’s look at how deeply these traits are entrenched within us…

We don’t need any interference from the US or anyone else to destroy us or disunite us – we do too good a job of it ourselves! If we delve deeper in to the history of how many states across  the globe ‘achieved’ so-called ‘independence’ as a separate entity in itself as a ‘new’ country, just look at any one of these countries, be this the abolishing of the state formerly known as ‘Hindustan’, the regions within the Yugoslav area, or even as recently as a few years ago when Sudan was split in to two, North Sudan and South Sudan. The reason why these countries separated and new border lines were created was simply because of the inherent preference of tribalism and ancestral pride, over the call of ‘La Ilaha Illa Allah!’

Isn’t this what we see everywhere in the Ummah, around the globe, in the UK and right here in Blackburn? All we see is people defending their ‘own’ how often do we hear the following statements on our very own streets?

“My country is the best!”

“My tribe is the most honoured!”

“My family has more prestige and honour than yours!”

We see Arabs who think that they are more superior than non-Arabs, Indians thinking that they are better than Pakistanis, and Somalis thinking that they are higher than Sudanese people.

IT NEVER FINISHES!

“All mankind is from Adam and Eve – an Arab has no superiority over a non-Arab, nor a non-Arab has any superiority over an Arab; also a white has no superiority over black, nor does a black have any superiority over white except by piety and good action.” This was stated in the Prophet’s SAW last sermon on the Ninth Day of Dhul-Hijjah, 10 A.H. in the ‘Uranah valley of Mount Arafat in Makkah. He SAW further added:

Nothing shall be legitimate to a Muslim which belongs to a fellow Muslim unless it was given freely and willingly. Do not, therefore, do injustice to yourselves. Remember one day you will meet Allah and answer for your deeds. So, beware: do not stray from the path of righteousness after I am gone. (2)

Closer to home, all we hear is:

“I’m a Bharuchi!”

“I’m a Surti!”

“I’m a Raja!”

“I’m a Chaudhary!”

And calls of “We are better than you!”

“Our Masjid is better than yours!”

“Our Madrasah is bigger than yours!”

What a pitiful state we find ourselves in, how low have we stooped since the golden days of our beloved Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) when individuals were brothers by faith, not by tribalism, pigmentation, wealth or status.

Brothers and Sisters, by Allah!

When we are lowered into our graves, Allah is not going to ask us, if we were a Surti or a Bharuchi, rather Allah will ask us if we divided the Ummah with our words. You will be asked, “Who is your Lord?” “Which is your religion?” “Who is your Prophet?” You will NOT be asked, “Which country are you from?”

The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah upon him ) said, “He is not from amongst us, who fights for Nationalism.”

How many times do we see sisters failing to get married, because although they may have found a suitable brother to marry, he wasn’t from the same country as she was, or from the same village as their family in India, they remain unmarried? We would apparently rather deprive our daughters of a good life, of a happy life, simply because our pride gets the better of us? How selfish and proud have we become? How blinded by nationalism and tribalism have we become?

I say to my Bharuchi brothers and sisters, as well as Surti brothers and sisters – you only have ONE bridge that separates you in Gujarat. Why are your hearts divided? You hate each other as though you are enemies! And now for my Indian Muslims and my Pakistani Muslims, you are only separated by ONE border, but the Kalimah unites you – remain united.

On a positive note, it is nice to see inter-racial marriages, Indians marrying Pakistanis, Bharuchis marrying Surtis and Bengalis marrying Pakistanis. I believe this was the practice in Ancient Arabia to defuse friction between clans. But, having said that, we still find some parents very staunch – Allah purify our hearts. Ameen.

“If there comes to you one whose religious commitment and attitude pleases you, then marry [your female relative who is under your care] to him, for if you do not do that, there will be tribulation on earth and much corruption.” (3)

We must remember that every race and nation has its good qualities and bad qualities.

What follows is something I wasn’t going to include in this post, but just to open our minds a little, so that we can look ‘beyond our noses’ – below is my opinion on the khayr and goodness in some races:

Arabs

Generally, as an Asian myself, I find that as Asians we look down on Arabs because of their outer appearance (dhahir) doesn’t look ‘Islamic’. Although the Hadith clearly states that Allah looks at the heart, not the outer look (albeit identity is important in my opinion), Arabs are at the top of the list when it comes to generosity and hospitality. Which nation can we say supersedes us all in certainty and yaqeen? In firmness and conviction?

Bengalis 

I have always found Bengalis to be the most humble and open-hearted of people. We don’t have as many in Blackburn but sadly, it seems that they are looked down upon wherever they are situated.

Gujaratis

As a Gujarati myself, I find that it is difficult to deal with your own ethnic group impartially. It is difficult to deal with your own whilst being fair. I believe that Gujaratis are known for their Islamic productivity – they are well advanced and are usually ahead of everyone else when it comes to building Islamic schools and Madrasahs. Gujaratis educate their sons and daughters thoroughly in terms of the deen, and produce Hafidh and Alim(ahs) in abundance – although, at times, this sometimes leads to their haughtiness.

Pakistanis

Who else can we find that fight for causes of justice and stand up for the Ummah more than Pakistani men and women?

Who else can we find with pure hearts, sincerity and honesty more than Pakistanis?

Who else can we find with more Gheerah/Ghayrat (protective jealousy) than Pakistanis?

Unfortunately, Pakistanis are judged by the actions of a few ignorant ones and thus they are deemed to be one and the same.

The respected and honourable Malcolm X (Allah have mercy on him) a Muslim Human rights activist once said. “That it would probably do America well to study the religion of Islam and perhaps it could drive some of the Racism from this society as it has driven Racism from the Muslim society”.

Charles. R. Swindoll said: “Prejudice is a learned trait. You are not born prejudiced, you are taught it.”

How far have we drifted from this? From the equality that Islam has delivered to us.

Abu Hurairah (May Allah be pleased with him) said: The Messenger of Allah (ﷺ) said, “Two matters are signs of disbelief on the part of those who indulge in them: Defaming and speaking evil of a person’s lineage, and wailing over the dead.” [Muslim].

Let us take a look at our Masajid, places that are meant to be places of worship and places for devotion and acquiring the Love of Allah, in Islam we call them the ‘Houses of Allah’. But how many of these Masajid do we know that have constitutions that are built on Racism! I am no great scholar, but just as Alcohol is Haram, Fornication is Haram, Murder is Haram, similarly, Racism is also Haram.

Let alone the same country, if you are not from ‘our village’ in India you cannot be a member of our Masjid. And it doesn’t end there, we don’t allow Non-Indians to become members of our Masajid, so we charge their children extra fees in the Madrasah.

How is that even remotely fair, when an Indian child and Pakistani child receive the same level of education?

Why the discrimination?

Simply because his father is from Pakistan?

To be judged on ethnicity? Something we cannot choose, something that Allah has chosen for us!

Shame on such Masajid and shame on such racist committees. I have always wanted to ask one question to such people,

“Why do you take Lillah (charity) money off Pakistanis and Bengalis to use in the Masjid?”

The position I hold is if they can’t be members, then equally refuse their Lillah donations. But no we won’t do that, we quickly and greedily take their money! Other Masajid, on the other hand, will not even give Ghusl (ritual bath for the deceased) if the deceased is a Pakistani. La Hawla Wa La Quwwata Illa Billah!

I won’t stop there, in the United Kingdom we have certain graveyards where only people from a certain province/state in India can be buried there. One wonders how do such committee members sleep at night, and more importantly, once they sleep in their graves how will they answer to Allah on the Day of Judgement?

I remember in high school my Science teacher once said, “I don’t know if there is a God but he sure did make a mistake creating everyone different colours!” At that time I was highly offended and did not have an answer, later in life, however, I did Alhumdu Lillah. So this is for him and all those who fail to understand why Allah made everyone from different tribes and nations:

“O mankind! We created you from a single soul, male and female, and made you into nations and tribes, so that you may come to know one another. Truly, the most honoured of you in God’s sight is the greatest of you in piety. God is All-Knowing, All-Aware. (3)

Do we not recall how the companions of the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) were of different skin colours, different cultures, varying races yet they loved each other more than blood brothers.

Bilal Ibn Rabah, Wahshy Ibn Harb, Sumayyah bint al-Khayyat, Usama Ibn Zayd (Allah be pleased with them) were all from Ethiopia or surrounding areas.

Salman Abu Abdullah and Fayruz al-Daylami (Allah be pleased with them) were from Persia.

Suhaib Ibn Sinaan (Allah be pleased with him) was from the provinces of Rome, Abu Dharr (Allah be pleased with him) was from Gifar, Al-Najashi was an Abyssinian King who converted to Islam, Maryah (Allah be pleased with her) the Copt was the wife of the Prophet Muhammad (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him).

Nabi Musa ﷺ, Dawood ﷺ, Sulayman ﷺ, Yahyaﷺ and Isaﷺwere Hebrew (Bani Israa’il). Peace be upon them all.
Muhammad ﷺ , his caliphs and most of his companions were Arab.
Salahuddin (Allah have mercy on him) and Ibn Taymiyyah (Allah have mercy on him) (mother’s side) were Kurdish.
Imam Abu Hanifah (Allah have mercy on him), Imam Bukhari (Allah have mercy on him) Imam Tirmidhi (Allah have mercy on him) and Imam Muslim bin Hajjaj (Allah have mercy on him) were Persians (Faris).
Muhammad al-Fatih (Allah have mercy on him), Selim and Suleyman (Allah have mercy on him) were Turks.
The Mughal Empire’s rulers were Mongol (central Asian) and the great muhaddithin of South Asia were Indians (Allah have mercy on them).
Tariq bin Ziyad (Allah have mercy on him) was a Berber, Ibn Hazm (Allah have mercy on him) was Andalusian, the Mamluks (Allah have mercy on him) were Turkic and Circassians and the list goes on and on…
In all of this is a constant reminder that nationalism, racism and tribalism are simply inconsistent with Islamic teaching and its history.
“O mankind, indeed We have created you from male and female and made you peoples and tribes that you may know one another. Indeed, the noblest of you in the sight of Allah is the most righteous of you. Indeed, Allah is Knowing and Acquainted.” The Holy Qur’an, Surah al-Hujuraat (The rooms), Ayah 13.

 

The differences in language, colour and race were not considered as levels of quality or degrees of superiority but rather as an expression of diversity and richness in Humanity.

We loudly and proudly attribute ourselves to Islam and its teachings, but we fail to practise upon what Islam really says. We narrate stories to our children in Madrasah of how Bilal Ibn Rabah  (Allah be pleased with him) suffered in the streets of Makkah and how his rank was elevated to that of the Mu’addhin (caller to prayer) of the Prophet Muhammad (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him), despite formerly being a slave and despite being from Ethiopia. We have numerous Masajid named after Bilal (Allah be pleased with him), absolutely beautiful Masajid costing over a million pounds, ‘MASJID BILAL’, but if Bilal (Allah be pleased with him) was alive today, would he even be allowed to become a member of your Masjid? We all know that his descendants are refused.

I personally have had my own experience, where I have walked into a Masjid and been made to feel unwelcome. Simply because I do not share the same village in India. For the record, I am neither a Surti nor a Bharuchi, nor does it matter. Neither should I feel the need to state what I am. My belief is that we should judge people by their words and actions, not stereotype people and look at the village they are from or where their ancestors descend from. I humbly request some of these racist, xenophobic, ethnocentric and nationalistic brothers and sisters to remove the pride and the prejudice from their hearts. Islam is not JUST about Salah and Sawm, it is also about the purity of the heart. A biased and racist person can never have a clean heart. Imam Ibnul Qayyim (Allah illuminate his grave) used to say, “If you want to get a taste of a person’s heart look at his tongue.”

Finally, I would like to end something which might seem slightly off topic, but I feel that it is related to the issue of ‘Unity’.

As we see the Ummah divided from every angle, in every shape and form, it is quite evident that it is not just race and nationality that divides us. We see different sects of the Muslim Ummah fighting and bickering over Fiqhi and sometimes hair-splitting issues; the mind boggles… I wish to elaborate more on this in a future blog In Sha Allah, but for the benefit of  readers I will start with a quote that dates back to 1920, Shaykhul Hind Mawlana Mahmoodul Hassan (Allah sanctify his secret) was only 69, not only was he one of the most distinguished scholars of his time, he had also spent a lifetime in political struggle. His audience was a gathering of Ulama, eager to hear the lessons of a lifetime of study, struggle and reflection. His conclusion: “Our problems are caused by two factors; abandoning the Qur’an and our infighting.” He spent the few remaining days of his life addressing these causes. (4)

The reasons Shaykhul Hind (Allah sanctify his secret) are as valid today as they were then. They are also related; the second being caused by the first. The Qur’an had declared us as one Ummah and had warned us against infighting. We have ignored those teachings and the billion-strong Ummah has turned into an Ummah fragmented into a billion segments.

Some people blame the four madhabs for the disunity. but if we look at each of the four Imams and their biographies we will see, not once did they promote this sort of sectarianism. Fiqh is fiqh, it is not Aqeedah/Beliefs.

As Ahlus Sunnah Wal-Jama’ah our roots and fundamentals are the same,

One Allah, One Prophet, One Qur’an and one Qiblah, why are we not ONE Ummah?

Jannah has room for everyone! We seriously need to be careful before we declare people ‘Kafir’. It doesn’t matter if you are a Barelwi, Deobandi, Mawdoodi or a Salafi – Jannah certainly has room for us all, why do we choose to narrow the mercy of Allah? Why do we choose to divide on Fiqhi issues? Don’t get me wrong – debates and discussions are a good thing, when done sincerely, not merely for argument’s sake. The problem rather occurs when we overstate these differences. There was a difference of opinions in Fiqh amongst the companions, the Successors and great Mujtahideen. They disagreed but did they not turn these into fights. They disagreed but they maintained respect and love for each other.

The Brotherhood remained intact.

They had tolerance for the other view.

As I follow the Deobandi school of thought, I talk to my own first – because I believe that is the Qur’anic principle “Rectify your own first.” It is easy to get defensive and blame others, and I know amongst us Deobandis we have many people who harbour hatred, hate mongers and those that divide and cause disunity intentionally. Many claim that their organisation is doing the task that is the most important, and the work which is the only work of the Prophets (peace and blessings be upon them). A simple answer to those dear brothers, Jannah has eight doors, not one! People were created for different purposes, some preach, some teach and some are busy writing books, Allah accept one and all.

I end with a quote from Brother Malcolm X (Allah have mercy on him), “Our people have made the mistake of confusing the methods with the objectives. As long as we agree on objectives, we should never fall out with each other just because we believe in different methods, or tactics, or strategy.”

Ismail Ibn Nazir Satia (One who is in dire need of Allah’s Forgiveness, Mercy and Pleasure).

20 Rabeeul Thanee 1436

An article written on the completion of reading the biography of Malcolm X RH. I believe he was a man of courage and strength, a man who stood up for his people. Such men are rare to be found, we have a LOT of males, but very few men. One of his famous quotes, “To come right down to it, if I take the kind of things in which I believe, then add to that the kind of temperament that I have, plus 100% dedication that I have to whatever I believe in, these are ingredients which make it just impossible for me to die of old age – I know these societies have often killed the people who have helped to change those societies. And if I can die having brought any light, having exposed any meaningful truth that will help to destroy the Racist cancer that is malignant in America – then all credit is due to Allah. Only the mistakes have been mine.”

Malik al-Shabbaz (Allah illuminate his grave)

References:

(1) – (Abu Dawood, Tirmidhi)

(2) – (Bukhari, Muslim)

(3) – (Tirmidhi)

 (4) – (Hujurat:13)

 (5) – (Adapted from a talk in 1963 by Mufti Muhammad Shafi, the late Grand Mufti of Pakistan which was published in the booklet ‘Wahdat e Ummat’)