Children Activities

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by Zahra Anjum
Bismillahir Rahmanir Raheem
There was a time in our childhood when the local television showed only half an hour of cartoons every evening and that was that. However, children nowadays have a 24/7 access to everything they want. These movies and cartoons are the main form of entertainment these days. When children go chanting ‘I’m bored’ this is the entertainment most of us are likely to provide.
While some may disagree with me and think that they are harmless, I find these programs extremely distressing. Yes, they are very convenient babysitters but are too damaging for the soul. Two months into watching one, and I can see the effects on my six-year-old son. The constant background music, the inappropriate language, and a downpour of un-Islamic values; how can we expect anything good to come out of it?
As keen parents, we tend to look out for alternatives that are healthy, educational, and enjoyable. Practicing Muslims do not die out of boredom; they do have fun in many other ways! Below is a list of halal entertainment means that you can enjoy as a family.
Outdoor activities:
Swimming, archery, and horseback riding are some activities recommended by Prophet Muhammad (saw). In addition to that, children can enjoy playing different sports like football, badminton, and cricket. Young children also like to do cycling, skipping rope, and playing hopscotch.
You can also set up a simple obstacle course in your garden for children to complete and have a variety of races with them like sack race, three-legged race, lemon and spoon race, and so on. Moreover, children will love playing traditional games like tag and hide and seek. Think of all the games you played as a child and teach them to your kids.
Indoor activities:
When they can’t play outdoors, there are plenty of indoor activities that can keep them occupied:
Board games – Scrabble, Risk, Monopoly, Pictionary, Twister, Cluedo, Guess Who, Snakes and Ladders, Ludo, and so on.
Card games like UNO.
Paper and pencil games – Tic Tac Toe, Hangman, Dots and Squares, Name/Place/Animal/Thing.
Indoor hide and seek, treasure hunt.
Oral games – I spy, Chinese whispers, 20 Questions game.
Puzzles:
Puzzles help develop patience and cognition skills in children. You can buy some age-appropriate puzzles that are easily available in the market. Moreover, children can also make their own puzzles with the help of paper, cardboard, or Popsicle sticks.
Building and creating:
More architectural and creative children can enjoy constructing forts, cities, and models using building blocks, Lego, construction paper, and modeling clay.
Science experiments:
Plenty of science experiments can be done at home using common kitchen ingredients. Search for some experiments, and try them with your kids. Some ideas can be found here and here.
Arts and crafts:
The Internet is brimming with ideas for kid-friendly crafts. Things like paper, old newspapers, old boxes, and cans can keep those young ones busy for hours. We just need to guide them to a craft that interests them, for example, origami, paper mache, and so on.
Gardening:
Children find it very interesting to plant seeds, tend to the garden, and water it. They can perhaps have their own individual corners in the garden or pots to plant in and look after. They will be able to observe the magnificent creation of Allah and have fun at the same time.
Books:
How can we forget books! Surround your children with colorful and interesting books, and they will for sure grow up with a love of books. Read aloud to them in an engaging manner; children do not like being read to in a monotonous voice. When they have learnt to read, both stories and non-fiction books will keep them entertained.
Even those children who do not like reading do enjoy books that match their interests, for example, a boy who loves trucks will love a book about trucks.
Museums and parks:
Take your children to parks and museums where they can learn and enjoy at the same time. Going for a walk or visiting friends and relatives can be fun too.
Videos, video games, and apps:
Although there should be a limited time for screens (which no doubt is very difficult to maintain), this does not mean they are prohibited altogether. Video games and apps that do not have un-Islamic elements like immorality and music are permissible and can be played, provided its usage does not exceed limits.
Moreover, videos about nature, technology, space, and sports can also be shown if they conform to the above principle.
1 Safar 1438

Ten Tips for your Marriage

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Life in a marriage can be tough when you have no idea how to make things work or how to keep your spouse happy. Thankfully there are some relatively easy ways to keep your marriage healthy by simply adopting some ‘non-negotiable’ rules in your home:

#1 Showing respect – Every individual deserves respect – ESPECIALLY your spouse.

#2 Be affectionate –  Love makes people feel valued, so show your spouse you love them and don’t be shy. Hold hands, kiss your spouse goodbye and hold on a little longer when you hug

#3 Always communicate – Your spouse is not a mind reader! Tell your spouse what you need and clearly communicate this to them

#4 Forgive quickly – No one is perfect and a good marriage thrives on forgiving and letting go

#5 Show kindness – A happy marriage takes two people who are kind to one another – always

#6 Appreciate your spouse – There is nothing worse than being taken for granted. A simple thank you is all it takes

#7 Loyalty – You should only ever have eyes for your spouse as if they are the most important person in your whole world

#8 Balance your time – A good marriage has balance between work, friends, family and each other as well as time for yourself

#9 Be honest – The fastest way for your spouse to lose trust in you is when you hide or lie about major things in your home. It simply isn’t worth it

#10 Consult in decision-making – It is from the sunnah to consult with one another in all big decisions – and doing so increases your love and respect for one another

20 Jamadul Awwal 1437

Intentions for marriage

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1.      I intend to enter into this marriage and take this wife (or husband) for the love of Allah ‘Azza-wa-Jall ’

2.     To have children so that the human race shall continue.

3.     I also intend [to enter this marriage] for the love of the Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, so that he may take pride in it, as he said: “Marry and  increase in numbers, as I will take pride in you before other nations on the Day of Judgement.”

4.      I have intended in this marriage—and all the actions and words that come from it—to be blessed by the prayer of a pious child; or for his intercession if he dies young before me.

5.      I have intended by this marriage to protect myself from Satan, by breaking the desire, [and thus] breaking the temptations of Satan, to lower the gaze, and reduce the Wiswas (withdrawing whisperer).

6.      I have also intended to protect my private parts from lewdness (illegal intercourse).

7.      I have intended in this marriage the amusement of the self and to bring joy to it through by companionship (with my spouse); looking, and playing freely and to bring comfort to the heart and strengthening it for worship.

8.      I have intended in this marriage the relief of the nafs and cherish it through companionship, the pleasure that comes through gazing at one’s spouse, mutual foreplay, the repose that floods the heart and strengthening it for worshipping.

9.      I have intended by it, the relieving of the heart from the worries of housekeeping, cooking, sweeping, making the bed, cleaning the dishes and taking care of lively duties.

10.  I have intended by this marriage, to struggle with the nafs and to train it ‘through care and guardianship’, to fulfill the rights of the family and to be patient with their characters, to endure the harm that comes from them, to work towards making them good, to guide them to the religious path, to struggle to seek lawful earnings for them, to command them to discipline the children by also asking from Allah for it and success for his sake and to drop between his hands and to show the excessive need towards Him in gaining it. I have intended all the previous for Allah Almighty.

11.  I have intended all the previous and more from whatever I control, say and do in this marriage for Allah Almighty.

12.  I have intended in this marriage whatever Your righteous servants and Your acting scholars have intended.

Allahumma, give us success as you have given them, help us as you have helped them. Overlook our shortcomings, accept [this] from us and do not entrust us to ourselves, even for the blink of an eye. Make good for us, all of the previous, by Your Grace and Generosity in good and in good health.

Allahumma, forgive us and have mercy upon us, be content with us and accept from us. Enter us into paradise and save us from the hell fire and make good all of our affairs. Allahumma, grant me in everything—in this marriage and all of my affairs—Your Help, Blessing and Peace. Protect me from preoccupying myself with other than You and do not put obstacles between me and Your obedience and make this marriage sufficient and virtuous for me. Allahumma, I—my moments of movement and stillness—am entrusted to You, so protect me; wherever I happen to be, take my affairs as You have taken the affairs of Your pious servants.


Remember me in your duas,

 
Alaa Khurdei
18th Jamadal Awwal 1437

This Could Save Your Marriage:

7 important factors that men need to know and understand about women & female psychology in order to ensure a successful relationship. Also, 7 important factors that women need to know. Refer to the link below for a detailed PDF book In Sha Allah.

http://www.mediafire.com/view/q34821ccyn6fydl/Like+A+Garment.pdf

What WOMEN need to know about men…

What MEN need to know about women…

For further videos & advice:

http://www.likeagarment.com/

Advice by Shaykh Abu Bakr alShatri (Hafidhahullah).

أمور ينصح بها لمن تعسر عليه الزواج :
أولاً :

قراءة سورة يس 4 مرات بنية الشفاء وتيسير الأمور وتحقيق المقصود ورفع البلاء في مكان نظيف خال لا يفرق بينهما بكلام ثم يدعو بهذا الدعاء 3 مرات :
( سبحان المنفس عن كل مديون ، سبحان المفرج عن كل محزون ، سبحان من أمره بعد الكاف والنون ، سبحان من إذا أراد شيئاً أن يقول له كن فيكون ، يا مفرج الهموم يا حي يا قيوم ، صل على سيدنا محمد وآله وافعل لي كذا وكذا ) ثم تذكر حاجتك بيقين وحسن ظن في الله فهو أكرم مسؤول وأعظم مأمول.

وهذه الوصفة تكرر يومياً أو أسبوعياً أو حسب استطاعة الإنسان وفراغه وقراءة سورة يس يومياً بنية ما يريد القارئ أمر فيه خير كثير .
وممكن يقرأها الشخص مرة واحدة عند عدم القدرة على قراءتها 4 مرات مع الدعاء أعلاه.

ثانياً :

 الدعاء : يكرر الدعاء أكثر من أربعين وهذا من المجربات لا مما ورد
أمثلة على الأدعية :
رَبِّ هَبۡ لِى مِن لَّدُنكَ ذُرِّيَّةً۬ طَيِّبَةً‌ۖ إِنَّكَ سَمِيعُ ٱلدُّعَآءِ (٣٨) سورة آل عمران
رَبِّ لَا تَذَرۡنِى فَرۡدً۬ا وَأَنتَ خَيۡرُ ٱلۡوَٲرِثِينَ (٨٩) سورة الأنبياء
رَبِّ إِنِّى لِمَآ أَنزَلۡتَ إِلَىَّ مِنۡ خَيۡرٍ۬ فَقِيرٌ۬ (٢٤) سورة القصص ( 136 مرة يومياً )
ثالثاً :

قراءة الآية من سورة الحج أكثر من 51 مرة وهذا من باب التجربة ولكنه يرددها بيقين وحسن ظن في الله وفي كرمه سبحانه وتعالى بحصول الفرج وتحقيق المقصود والمأمول على أحسن حال :
وَأَذِّن فِى ٱلنَّاسِ بِٱلۡحَجِّ يَأۡتُوكَ رِجَالاً۬ وَعَلَىٰ ڪُلِّ ضَامِرٍ۬ يَأۡتِينَ مِن كُلِّ فَجٍّ عَمِيقٍ۬ (٢٧)
رابعاً :

ترديد هذا الجزء من سورة الحجر أكثر من 21 مرة :
وَزَيَّنَّـٰهَا لِلنَّـٰظِرِينَ (١٦) وَحَفِظۡنَـٰهَا مِن كُلِّ شَيۡطَـٰنٍ۬ رَّجِيمٍ (١٧)
خامساً :

عدم النوم بعد الفجر ولكن بعد طلوع الشمس بحوالي ربع ساعة .
سادساً :

صلاة الضحى 4 ركعات ( يصليها ركعتين ركعتين ) .
سابعاً :

كثرة الاستغفار .
ثامناً :

كثرة الصلاة على النبي صلى الله عليه وسلم

Advice for those who are experiancing obstructions in their marriage:

Firstly:

Read Surah Al-Yasin, 4 times in a clean place without communicating during recitation, with the intention to cure and to facilitate things, to achieve and intend to remove distress from their marriage. After they must should read the dua, 3 times.

سبحان المنفس عن كل مديون ، سبحان المفرج عن كل محزون ، سبحان من أمره بعد الكاف والنون ، سبحان من إذا أراد شيئاً أن يقول له كن فيكون ، يا مفرج الهموم يا حي يا قيوم ، صل على سيدنا محمد وآله وافعل لي كذا وكذا

Subhanal munefis Aan kullilmadiyun, subhanal mufarij Aan kuli mahzoon, subhanna man amara bAadal kef wel noon, subhanaman itha arada shayan an yaqul lahu kun faya kun, yamufarij alhumoom ya hayu ya qayum sali Aala sayyidinah Muhammed wa alihi wafAal lee wa ketha wa ketha

After remember your needs with certainty and good thoughts in Allah as He is the Greatest. This is the treatment and you must repeat this daily or weekly or depending on the ability of the person, on your free time. You must read Surah Al-Yasin daily with the intention of good outcome. You can read this once when unable to read Surah Al-Yasin 4 times and dua.

Secondly:

Read the dua more than 40 times and this is from experience and not what is stated.

Examples:

رَبِّ هَبۡ لِى مِن لَّدُنكَ ذُرِّيَّةً۬ طَيِّبَةً‌ۖ إِنَّكَ سَمِيعُ ٱلدُّعَآءِ (٣٨) سورة آل عمران

Rabbi hab lee min ladunka thurriyyatan tayyibatan innaka sameeAau alddaAai

Oh my Lord! Grant me a righteous child as your special favour; surely you hear all prayers.

رَبِّ لَا تَذَرۡنِى فَرۡدً۬ا وَأَنتَ خَيۡرُ ٱلۡوَٲرِثِينَ (٨٩) سورة الأنبياء

Rabbi la tatharnee fardan waanta khayru alwaritheena

Oh my Lord! Leave me not without offspring though Thou art the best of inheritors.
رَبِّ إِنِّى لِمَآ أَنزَلۡتَ إِلَىَّ مِنۡ خَيۡرٍ۬ فَقِيرٌ۬ (٢٤) سورة القصص ( 136 مرة يومياً )

Rabbi innee lima anzalta ilayya min khayrin faqeerun

Oh Lord! Surely I am in desperate neeed of whatever good that You may send down to me. Read these Ayahs 136 times a day, every day.

Thirdly: Read the verse from Surah Al-Hajj more than 51 times, this is from experience but read the verse with certainty and good thought in Allah.

وَأَذِّن فِى ٱلنَّاسِ بِٱلۡحَجِّ يَأۡتُوكَ رِجَالاً۬ وَعَلَىٰ ڪُلِّ ضَامِرٍ۬ يَأۡتِينَ مِن كُلِّ فَجٍّ عَمِيقٍ۬ (٢٧)

Waaththin fee alnnasi bialhajji yatooka rijalan waAala kulli damirin yateena min kulli fajjin Aameeqin

And make a proclamation of Hajj (Pilgrimage) to mankind: they will come to you on foot and on lean camels from every distant quarter

Fourthly: Repeat this part from Surah Al-Hijr more than 21 times.

وَزَيَّنَّـٰهَا لِلنَّـٰظِرِينَ (١٦) وَحَفِظۡنَـٰهَا مِن كُلِّ شَيۡطَـٰنٍ۬ رَّجِيمٍ (١٧)

Wazayyannaha lilnna th ireena (16) Wahafi th naha min kulli shaytanin rajeemin (17)

And made them good looking for the beholders (16) And We have guarded them from every accursed shaitan (17)

Fifth: Do not sleep after Fajr but after sunrise (approximately 15 minutes)

Sixth: Salat Ad-Duha, 4 rakat (pray 2 rakats; 2 rakats)

Seventh:  Make a lot of Istighfar

“أَسْتَغْفِرُ اللهَ وَأَتُوبُ إِلَيْهِ”.

‘Astaghfirullaaha wa ‘atoobu ‘ilayhi.

I seek the forgiveness of Allah and repent to Him. 

Eighteth: Increase in the salutation of the Prophet Muhammed Salallahu Alayhi Wa Salim

“اللَّهُمَّ صَلِّ وَسَلَّمْ عَلَى نَبِيِّنَا مُحَمَّدٍ”.

Allahumma salli wa sallim ‘alaa nabiyyinaa Muhammadin

Oh Allah, we ask you for peace and blessings upon our prophet Muhammad

The Thorns in the Path of a Blissful Marriage

By Mufti Abdur-Rahman ibn Yusuf, London

untitledAs humans, we have a natural desire for companionship. A desire to have a person with whom to share one’s life, someone who will bring us happiness and joy and be a source of comfort in times of difficulty is a very essential human feeling. Islam acknowledges this need and makes it permissible through nikah (marriage). This sacred act not only unites two individuals in a moral and honourable way, but also pleases Allah to such a degree that it is considered half of our din. According to hadith, a pious husband and wife who have had a successful marriage will be together in Paradise. A person will not be with their mother, father, brother, sister, daughter, son or anyone else in Paradise but with their spouse.

Isn’t it everyone’s dream to be in paradise with their beloved for eternity? How do we attain this level of bliss when we individually are only one half of the equation in marriage? If we each make the necessary effort to know and understand the ins and outs of marriage and the ways of making our Lord happy, we will be able to contribute to the success of our union, insha Allah.

Marriage can seem very daunting. Statistics show that marriage rates have declined to historic lows but, despite the record low in numbers getting married, divorce rates are at their highest. It doesn’t help that in this day and age, marriage has become something that is taken very lightly, to the extent that divorcing a spouse has become as easy as returning an unwanted item recently purchased. What people seem to have forgotten is that marriage is a very significant and sacred component of life and must be treated as such.

There are many talks and books on marriage and how to make a marriage successful. One of the most important things in this regard is that we be mindful of what can sabotage a marriage, so that we can avoid the harmful consequences. A person starting a business does not just look at how to set up the business and make a profit, they also learn about the risks involved so that they can mitigate and manage those risks. This allows the entrepreneur to avoid potential issues or at least have some awareness of what they might face.

In the same way, having a successful marriage is not easy and it takes effort from both spouses. Both should be aware that life is not always a bed of roses and there will inevitably be difficult times as well as good. It is extremely important to know and understand some fiqh related to marriage before embarking on this journey. It is more than just coming to the masjid, repeating a few words in front of the imam and paying the agreed mahr (marriage payment).

There are opportunities for us to please Allah each step of the way, from choosing a partner, to the engagement and the marriage ceremony itself. When the marrying couple strives to follow the laws of Allah throughout the process and during the marriage itself, they will gain more blessings in their union.

Finding the Right Spouse:

Once you’ve decided that you’re ready for marriage, the first step is finding the right partner, which can sometimes be a difficult experience. Some things to consider when choosing a partner are personality, character, beauty but, most importantly, how and how much they follow Islam and the Sunnah. If you truly want a happy marriage, it must be to someone who will treat you well because they know your rights and realise that they are accountable to Allah. With that in mind, it would make sense to marry a Muslim who is seeking the same qualities in their partner? It is sometimes disastrous to marry someone primarily on the basis of their wealth, beauty or occupation if they are not at your level in faith and practice and then expect them to become practicing at your level.

A current trend is that many Muslim men want to marry non-Muslim women (Christian or Jewish) under the pretext that they will bring them into Islam. The problem with this is that, more often than not, the husband does not try very hard to guide his wife to the faith and is very weak himself. His commitment to his faith is complete uninspiring. Marrying people of other faiths many times poses great heartache and difficulties, especially when children enter the equation. Agreements and promises can be made on how to raise the children during the marriage contract, but what happens if the marriage breaks down? That is why interfaith marriages have been highly discouraged.

Moving on, whoever you choose to spend the rest of your life with, know that you have ended up together because Allah decreed it. When two people come together for marriage they do not know the future and whether or not they will be compatible. But remember that Allah can create love and understanding between two people who are complete opposites of one another. It is essential to make du’a’ and rely solely on Allah for His support as only He controls our hearts.

Once the introduction has been made and both parties agree to marriage, some form of engagement normally takes place after which the couple may desire to get to know each other. It is important to note that according to Islamic Law, engaged couple are still technically strangers and unlawful for one another, and thus, spending informal time together is not permissible. It is therefore strongly recommended to avoid having a long engagement and to perform even a simple low-key nikah as soon as possible once both families have committed. What I mean by this is that a private nikah be performed with two witnesses. Parents should be flexible in this regard and not stubbornly insist on long engagements without nikah. By taking these steps, the couple will not destroy the blessings and good prospects in their marriage and will avoid the evil that comes about from unlawful associations. After a nikah, they can interact and get to know each other in a lawful manner even if they are not living with each other. Later, a more elaborate nikah ceremony and reception can take place where the extended family and friends are invited.

A Double Nikah?:

Another nikah? Yes! Contrary to popular belief, nikah can be performed more than once. In fact, according to some scholars such as Imam Ibn ‘Abidin al-Shami, couples should refresh their marriage once in a while. People sometimes utter blasphemies or obscenities without realising it to be a statement of disbelief (kufr), which takes them out of their faith and causes their marriage to break. The faith is reinstated by reciting the shahada or performing the next salat, etc., but a nikah does not automatically renew, and must be performed again, otherwise, the couple will be living together in sin.

The late Mufti Nizamuddin A’zami of Deoband had for while counselled a couple with marital problems. One day, he called in two witnesses and conducted their nikah again. Their conflicts soon disappeared. They came to him and wondered what had made the difference. He explained that during his interaction with them, he had noticed that they were not very careful with their tongues and it was likely one of them had had uttered a blasphemy whilst angry, thus nullifying their marriage. Due to the absence of nikah, they had been deprived of the blessings and had been living a life of fornication. Therefore, re-establishment of their nikah restored the blessing of a lawful union and many of their problems disappeared.

Divorce Should not Be in Your Vocabulary:

Small or large conflicts arise in many marriages. The key is never to let divorce be an option or even a word in your vocabulary.

Unlike some other religions, divorce is permitted in Islam but it is described by our Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace) as one of the worst of the permissible acts in faith. Islam recognises that sometimes divorce is the only way forward, so this avenue is left open, but it should be a last resort. When the threat of divorce is removed from the marital equation, there is trust between the spouses that they are both committed to making things work rather than resorting to threats of divorce as the easy option.

The concept of divorce is taken so lightly these days. Divorces are issued on the flimsiest of excuses or used as a threat to emotionally blackmail a spouse. Imagine being in a marriage where you’re in constant terror and treading on eggshells because you don’t know what you may say or do that will cause your spouse to threaten to say or ask for the “D” word?

Muslims should know how delicate this matter is and how easy it is to issue a divorce. Ignorance is rife in this regard. Even if a wife asks her husband for a divorce during an argument and he says “OK” the divorce is effective. Similarly, if the husband says “I divorce you” or “you are divorced” it is done! This is why the word divorce should be removed from your vocabulary so that it is not inadvertently issued without a great deal of thought.

Divorce is one of three things in Islam which, if said intentionally or even as a joke, is effective as a legal statement. The only exception is if someone is not of sound mind (clinically insane) and does not know and cannot remember what they say.

After a clear revocable divorce (talaq raj’i), there is a waiting period (or ‘iddah, equal to 3 menstrual cycles) in which the husband and wife may reconcile their differences and the original nikah remain valid. If the period of ‘iddah ends before the husband decides he wants to take his wife back, then the couple must perform their nikah again to remarry. However, this process where the original nikah remains valid during the iddah period can only happen twice. Upon a third divorce, if the couple want to get back together, they must first go through a process called halala.

The Halala Process:

Halala is when the wife, after her ’iddah has passed, marries another man and consummates the marriage with him. After consummation, if the second husband divorces her, she may return to and marry her first husband. If the second husband divorces her as an act of kindness to help the couple, it will be considered a virtuous act as long as he does not make his intentions apparent to the two from before the marriage. So an important factor, along with the marriage having to be consummation with the new husband, is that the halala cannot be pre-conditioned, i.e. the woman cannot marry another man on the condition that he divorces her after consummation of the marriage in order that she may return to her first husband. If it is preconditioned, it will be haram and all parties involved will be cursed according to the Prophetic hadith.

Sound complicated? That is probably intentional. It cannot be emphasised enough that a couple should think long and hard so they do not find themselves in this predicament. All too often, for whatever reason (either ignorance or anger) some men issue all three divorces at once. They think that only three work and any less is not effective. What if they want to reconcile once emotions have calmed down? Imagine having to go through the process of halala described above and putting the woman you love through it? I am addressing the men here specifically because they are the one’s guilty of issuing all divorces at once. They abuse the discretion granted to them. Even If divorce is the only way forward, then a single divorce is more than sufficient. Why give more and then regret it?

The Khula’:

Islam also provides an avenue for the woman to instigate a divorce through the process of khula’. This is when the wife returns her marriage gift (mahr) or another sum of money back to the husband in exchange for an irrevocable divorce.

According to a hadith from Bukhari, relayed by ibn Abbas (may Allah be pleased with him), the wife of Thabit ibn Qays came to the Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace) and said she had no complaints about her husband’s din or character but could not reconcile between being a Muslim and being ungrateful [to him]; she was unable to appreciate this great person and this made her uncomfortable as she thought she was compromising her own faith with her lack of appreciation. In Islam, the husband and wife are expected to benefit from their relationship and not suffer due to it. Our beloved Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace) recognised her dilemma and suggested that she return her mahr to her husband and that he grant her a divorce. He did not insist that they stay together.

More often than not, a khula’ cannot be mutually arranged between the spouses themselves due to the acrimony between them, and sometimes due to the obstinacy and stubbornness of the husband in his refusal to divorce his wife while at the same time not fulfilling his role as a proper husband. In this case, the wife would be advised to seek redress through a Shari’a court.

It would not have been accurate to paint a rosy picture of marriage without exposing the thorns. This is something I am consulted on month after month and many times I feel helpless in the face of the mass ignorance that is rife about the rules of marriage and divorce. Knowing the good as well as the bad of marital relationships should help us see things clearly. While many couples put their utmost efforts into attaining the rhetorical “happily ever after” end, some marriages undoubtedly endure struggle and discord. It is up to each individual to try their best to salvage their marriage and be the best spouse to their partner, remembering that we will all have to answer to Allah for our actions one day. Along with that, we should have sole reliance on Allah, as only He knows what is best.

Transcribed by Zahira Omar

Edited by Ahmed Limbada