Seven things you must avoid in your Waleematu-Nikkah

Written by Sadiq bin Mas’uudwed.jpg

بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم

الحمد لله والصلاه والسلام على رسول الله أما بعد:
1⃣ *Israaf*
You want people to eat Biryani, kebabs, Chinese rice, Hmmm!! So don’t do israaf (wastage)
وَكُلُوا وَاشْرَبُوا وَلَا تُسْرِفُوا إِنَّهُ لَا يُحِبُّ الْمُسْرِفِين
Eat and drink, but waste not by extravagance, certainly, He (Allah) likes not those who waste by extravagance).
(Surah Al-Araf, Verse 31)
2⃣ *Wedding pictures*
Must you show the world you have a beautiful spouse? Or you think keeping the wedding pictures to keep the memory alive is a nice and dandy idea? Picture this hadith in your mind first,
ﺇﻥ ﺃﺷﺪ ﺍﻟﻨﺎﺱ ﻋﺬﺍﺑﺎ ﻋﻨﺪ ﺍﻟﻠﻪ ﻳﻮﻡ ﺍﻟﻘﻴﺎﻣﺔ ﺍﻟﻤﺼﻮﺭﻭﻥ
The most severely punished people on the Day of Resurrection would be the image-makers. [Bukhari and Muslim]
3⃣ *Music*
Planning on playing and inviting *Ayeloyun* to entertain your guests with Islamic Music? Think twice. Islam has no music.
” ﻟﻴﻜﻮﻧﻦ ﻣﻦ ﺃﻣﺘﻲ ﺃﻗﻮﺍﻡ ﻳﺴﺘﺤﻠﻮﻥ ﺍﻟﺤﺮ ﻭﺍﻟﺤﺮﻳﺮ
ﻭﺍﻟﺨﻤﺮ ﻭﺍﻟﻤﻌﺎﺯﻑ ..
“Among my ummah there will certainly be people who permit zinaa,
silk, alcohol and musical instruments…” (Narrated by al-Bukhari)
4⃣ *Tabarruj*
Looking good on the day of your nikkah is a good idea, but if you must make up, then use niqab
وَقَرْنَ فِي بُيُوتِكُنَّ وَلَا تَبَرَّجْنَ تَبَرُّجَ الْجَاهِلِيَّةِ الْأُولَى
“And stay in your houses, and do not display yourselves like that of the time of ignorance.” (Surah Al-Ahzab, Verse 33)
5⃣ *Inviting only the rich*
This will make your nikkah food to be the worst ever, because the needy people (poor) are prevented from it
ﺷَﺮُّ ﺍﻟﻄَّﻌَﺎﻡِ ﻃَﻌَﺎﻡُ ﺍﻟْﻮَﻟِﻴﻤَﺔِ ﻳُﻤْﻨَﻌُﻬَﺎ
ﻣَﻦْ
ﻳَﺄْﺗِﻴﻬَﺎ ﻭَﻳُﺪْﻋَﻰ ﺇِﻟَﻴْﻬَﺎ ﻣَﻦْ ﻳَﺄْﺑَﺎﻫَﺎ
 “The worst food is the food of a wedding banquet in which the rich are invited, but the poor are left out.” Source: Sahih Muslim
6⃣ *Ar-riyaa*
My nikkah must be the talk of the town, it must have no similitude!!! That’s riyaa (show-off), why not do it to please the lord of the world?
ﻳﻘﻮﻝ ﺍﻟﻠﻪ ﻋﺰ ﻭﺟﻞ ﻷﺻﺤﺎﺏ ﺫﻟﻚ ﻳﻮﻡ ﺍﻟﻘﻴﺎﻣﺔ ﺇﺫﺍ ﺟﺎﺯﻯ
ﺍﻟﻨﺎﺱ: ﺍﺫﻫﺒﻮﺍ ﺇﻟﻰﺍﻟﺬﻳﻦ ﻛﻨﺘﻢ ﺗﺮﺍﺀﻭﻥ ﻓﻲ ﺍﻟﺪﻧﻴﺎ ، ﻓﺎﻧﻈﺮﻭﺍ ﻫﻞ ﺗﺠﺪﻭﻥ ﻋﻨﺪﻫﻢ ﺟﺰﺍﺀ ؟
Allah the Exalted will say to them (who show off), on the Day of Resurrection when the people are being rewarded for their deeds: Go to those whom you wished to show off in the world and look for your reward with them.” (Musnad Ahmad Hadith 23119)
7⃣ *Imitating the kuffar*
Using a wedding gown, engagement ring, free mixing with the opposite sex, kissing in public, are all imitations of the kuffar and the Prophet SAW says,
َ ﻣَﻦْ ﺗَﺸَﺒَّﻪَ ﺑِﻘَﻮْﻡٍ ﻓَﻬُﻮَ ﻣِﻨْﻬُﻢ
“ْWhoever imitates a people is one of them.” (Narrated by Abu Dawood, Hasan Sahih)
أقول قولي هذا أستغفر الله لي ولكم
weddBarakAllahu feeh
We hope your waleematu-nikaah will be free of all those things.
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Weddings

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Setting: Wedding Hall. Stage in the centre and draped with soft silks.

Music playing in the background. Six hundred eager people conversing and anticipating the arrival of the bride.

Enter the bride.

 A dazzling young beauty, laden with only the finest and softest materials enters the hall. Glittery ornaments sparkling in her hair and diamond earrings hanging low, result in some favourable murmurs and nods of approval amongst the women and leaves others baffled at how she managed to grow double her hair length overnight. She smiles, walks down the aisle, and approaches her husband who carefully hands her an exquisite bouquet of the choicest flowers and takes her seat next to him on centre stage. She holds her head and shoulders as a proper bride should—high and elegant. Some start making their way to the front for family photos, handing over gifts, and congratulating the newlyweds. The slideshow on the wall project family photos over the years and the live DJs engage the audience with some heartwarming tunes to get the mood rolling.  Asian-Wedding-set-up

Amidst the clattering of forks and knives enjoying the five-course meal, eyes focus on the young lady who has taken the mike on stage. The bride’s sister says thanks the guests for attending, despite the big derby game, City vs. United, drawing some laughs in the audience, especially amongst the brothers. She says a few words to embarrass the bride, wishes her well on her life ahead and jokingly threatens the groom to make sure he takes care of her (not-so) little sister. She proceeds by adding,

“We pray Allah makes her a wife like Fatimah (R) and him a husband like Ali (R).  May they live the lives of the Sahabahs before us and follow in the footsteps of Nabi ﷺ …”

I tuned out, too busy looking around me. Everyone clapped and happily resumed their meals.

Exeunt. Curtains fall.

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Was I the only one who found her speech a little pretentious? Ameen to the beautiful Du’aas and Allah is the sole judge of our hearts, but to make a mockery of the Sunnah like that? I was offended. Couples want to court before marriage; they want to choose a best man for their wedding; brothers want the best cars to take their new bride home; sisters demand a mind-blowing Mahr and want a henna ceremony dancing to Bollywood tunes, an over-night hen party (the list goes on and on and on) and then they expect a marriage like the queen of the women of Jannah? We have functions of rife as a public challenge to Allah, inviting his wrath and then expect His Mercy and blessings in it as if we have a right to it? The audacity! My beloved Nabi’s ﷺ life and his families’ lives aren’t there to flower our events and to tick the box for the more “religious” in the crowd; or to balance all the wrongs in the event by adding a few Islamic lines; or to appease our guilt in carrying out such an event. The life of Nabi ﷺ and the lives of the Sahabah (R) and Sahabiyaat (R) are there as examples for you and I to emulate in EVERY aspect of our lives including marriage. A marriage is a sacred union between two people, and it is our duty to keep it sacred. My beloved Nabi ﷺ said,

اعظم النكاح ايسرها مؤنة      

“The most blessed Nikah is the one with the least expenditure.” [1]

When my Nabi ﷺ asked his soon to be son-in-law Ali (R) what he had as Mahr to present to his daughter Fatimah (R), he replied that he only owned  a sword, an armour, and a horse. [2] He sold his armour for four hundred and eighty dirhams which was then presented as a very simple dowry to Fatimah (R). For the wedding feast, Sa’d bin Ubadah (R) offered a sheep and some Ansar offered some corn. [3] The simplicity and ease of their weddings was what put so much Barakah and happiness in their marriages. Nabi ﷺ instructed,

“Hold a wedding feast, even if only with a sheep.” [4]

Nabi ﷺ himself, gave simple wedding feasts to mark his marriages. Safiyya Bint Shaibah (R) narrates, “The Prophet ﷺ gave a banquet of two Mudds (3.5 kg) of barley on marrying some of his wives.” [5]

To consummate his ﷺ’s marriage with Safiyyah Bint Huyay (R), Anas (R) narrates, “The Prophet ﷺ ordered for the leather dining sheets to be spread, and then dates, dried yoghurt and butter were provided over it, and that was the Walimah of the Prophet.” [6] If we tried to emulate these Sunnahs of our beloved Nabi ﷺ in our weddings, then we’d see them naturally turn into beautiful marriages In sha Allah!images (5)

[1] Bayhaqi in his Shu’ab al-Iman & Mishkat al-Masabih
[2] Kifayat at-Taalib, Bihar al-Anwaar
[3] Kanzul Umaal
[4] Sahih Bukhari
[5] Sahih Bukhari
[6] Sahih Bukhari

Zainab Bint Husain

Effects of TV Violence on Children

By Fatima Hachem El Hamoui, March 4, 2015

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Purpose

The purpose of this post is to attract the parents’ attention to the effects of TV violence on children and to spread knowledge among them in order to help lessen the problems that children might have as a consequence of seeing such violence.

Introduction

It’s obvious that parents are always concerned with the well-being of their children and try their best to provide them with the utmost suitable environment for their growth and development. That’s what parents are responsible for in front of Allah (swt), because they’ll be asked about their upbringing, nurturing, and education. Nonetheless, parents frequently lose control over their children’s safe atmosphere, specially in the presence of all this technology nowadays.

Threats are Everywhere

With all the threats that surround us today, children are the most vulnerable. That’s due to the fact that they still don’t have the mental abilities to analyze the data and input that their brain receives whenever they encounter new things. For this reason, parents are there to help them figure stuff out and guide them to what’s right. However, if parent’s aren’t careful enough, they might be causing their children to unsafely get exposed to inevitable threats they are better off without.

Children have Sensitive Personalities

Like we’re saying, children are known for their unstable personality; they are affected by everything that happens around them. And in the light of all that’s happening around the world, almost everyone is trying to keep up to date with the world’s news, that includes parents who have children. One of the things these parents are not aware of when they are watching news programs, is that their children are likely to be around watching as well. On the other hand, some parents are also interested in watching action and horror movies, and their inattention may end up letting the children watch these kinds of movies with or without them. These programs, whether the news or inappropriate movies, might show content that children are not supposed to see but, if they do, will affect them either by arousing their curiosity to imitate anything they observe, or by making them frightened by what they see.

Imitation

Imitation is one of the characteristics of childhood. Children tend to imitate everyone and everything new they see, even if it is wrong. That is why we see girls imitating their mothers by pretending to cook or by wearing their high heels, and boys imitating their fathers as well. So, when children sit next to their parents while they are watching TV, their attention will obviously be grabbed by certain scenes that show violence, and knowing that children have to examine everything before they become familiar with it, they might decide to try the violence scene without realizing what the consequences could be. For example, when the news programs present certain crimes or murders that happened, the child might copy what he sees, he might hurt himself or anyone else. Therefore, most of the time, such imitations lead to drastic results, because the child is unable to differentiate between what’s right or wrong, what is harmful or not, and what is good or evil.

Frightening Content

Moreover, children might get very scared and terrified when they see this violence. For instance, when a child watches how wars are happening and how planes and cannons are destroying many homes and  killing many people, he will be horrified by what he sees, and eventually these things will be printed in his mind and will be part of his personality later on. In addition, many children cannot sleep and have nightmares when they observe violence and scary stuff. Hence, they will give their parents a hard time at night. Also, children have a wide imagination that will make them, apparently, see things in the dark because of the stored violent images, like imagining that someone is coming to kill them or that a thief is robbing the house. As a result the child might turn out to be a coward, have a weak personality, and maybe have some mental problems.

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Childhood is Delicate, Be Alert

We should admit that childhood is a very delicate stage of life, that is why a child’s life should be full of happy, fun and enjoyable things, and clear of everything that is violent and scary. So, to every parent who cares about his children’s life and personality: keep your kids away from news programs and unsuitable movies, and make sure that they enjoy every part of this stage because it is the foundation of everyone’s life.

Don’t Forget About Adolescence

Just as childhood is very important, adolescence is likewise critical and care-demanding. That’s why you shouldn’t leave adolescents grow in cyberspace, as it poses similar threats on them like any other technology these days. You should also encourage them to improve their academic achievements by acquiring the good habit of taking notes. This could boost their academic performances for sure and they would be actively learning instead of just passively depending on the internet to get their homework done. It’s also very effective to try to help them stay motivated even when they don’t feel like it because it will have a positive impact on their everyday attitude.

Your Responsibility as a Parent

As parents, you have a great deal of responsibilities toward your children. You owe it to your children to keep them protected and comfortable. Allah (swt) says in Surah At-Tahrim, Verse 6:

يَا أَيُّهَا الَّذِينَ آمَنُوا قُوا أَنفُسَكُمْ وَأَهْلِيكُمْ نَارًا وَقُودُهَا النَّاسُ وَالْحِجَارَةُ عَلَيْهَا مَلَائِكَةٌ غِلَاظٌ شِدَادٌ لَّا يَعْصُونَ اللَّهَ مَا أَمَرَهُمْ وَيَفْعَلُونَ مَا يُؤْمَرُونَ

O, Believers Save yourselves and your dependents from the fire whose fuel are humans and the stones.

So, when a child of yours starts to adopt a certain way of life, it’ll either be a virtuous alteration that will change him into a good human being or a wicked alteration that will change him into a degraded individual. And whatever he turns into is fairly reliant on the upbringing he receives from you. The obligation you have in raising your children is highly essential. That’s why the greatest favor you could do for your children is show them how to be good, well-mannered, faithful, friendly, righteous, generous, just, wise, hard-working muslims, and demonstrate to them that their reference in life is the Qur’an and Sunnah because it’ll teach them everything they need to know in order to live a peaceful and honorable life.

Thank you for passing by my blog! I hope you enjoyed reading this post. If you liked it, don’t forget to give it a share! If you have any comments on it, please leave them below. I’d love to know what you think! XO

About the Author: Fatima Hachem El Hamoui  

She’s a Lebanese/Canadian, coffee-loving, web-developing/designing, blogging Muslimah. She’s the owner of the Diaries of The Positive Muslimah which is all about inspiration, motivation, and a positive attitude. You can contact her at ThePositiveMuslimah@gmail.com. She’d love to hear from you any time! You could also get in touch with her on social media: Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram.