بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم

Opinions on Marriage
○ requires thought, DETERMINATION
○ Prophet (SAW) to Jabir (RA), a man who told him got engaged: “did you look into her eyes” – meaning did you find love in her eyes? Did you spend enough time looking into her eyes to know she’s the one? Marriage isn’t something you just come by!
○ 1. Optional love:
You lead yourself to love and you fall deeper in love. It can grow if you allow it to grow; you need to take concrete steps, not just sit back and wait.
■ eg: your love for your spouse gets deeper as the relationship progresses
■ there are things you didn’t know that you love today, and things you loved then that you love in a different way now
■ We live today in an era with a lot of “popcorn love” → it’s not how I met your mother; it’s how many people met your mother
● The types of love that we are fed is a vain type of imagery and people make millions off of it – it’s AN INDUSTRY
● eg: Adele’s Someone Like You – national anthem of a home wrecker. This is the kind of woman you want to keep away from your husband. — THAT’S WHAT’S PUT OUT THERE AS A LOVE SONG… but it’s actually the love of desire
● We raise a generation of people that think that a booty call is acceptable, that someone can ring her up at 9pm.
Surah Al’Imran:14
“Beautified for people is the love of that which they desire- of women and sons, heaped-up sums of gold and silver, fine branded horses, and cattle and tilled land. That is the enjoyment of worldly life, but Allah has with Him the best return.”
■ “Beautified for people is the love they desire…”
● what they love is what they want to do with the person for a certain amount of time
● the guy/girl that compromises your relationship FSA, they don’t love you – they love, the desire (difference b/w love and love of desire): عشق andحب
Imam Ibnul Qayyim RH differentiates between ■ a was عشق whilst love noble and pure was حب says
He ● has forbidden, beyond the limits type of love. قشع is when someone goes to haram measures to be with the one they love outward same, set Allah boundaries the cross you – عشق ● characteristics as love
○ Anything you do in the name of love through sin/ compromising Allah’s boundaries is NOT love. Anything you do would you where love flaming that is عشق ○ for that person, that anything is what puts you in trouble
عشق as someone to love your explaining avoid to Try ○
○ If someone is willing to compromise their relationship with Allah swt, then nothing is stopping them from compromising you to have you why is that→ حب from your prevents عشق ○ heal and purify your soul from the love of desire
● The difference is simple, Allah loves when you love, بح , Allah loves that, but when you are upsetting Allah, that is قشع
● love is conciliatory, it’s being able to talk about the difficult things – “I didn’t like the way you said that”
○ you’re a tree that’s planted deep, not just fluff- you know the person is there to stay
○ 2. Non-Optional love
■ we’re asked to guard our gaze against the Haraam because we can fall for the unattainable
■ That love is not Haram, but acting upon it in Haram means is! The Sight/Eyes
● Hijab is not about the beauty of the women
○ if it WAS that, prophet Yusuf would need a hijab Lolz.(women cut their hands upon seeing him)
○ Yusuf, when they saw him they would “Akbar”, say Allahu Akbar, and they would cut their hands → if it was about beauty, then Allah would have put a niqab on him
○ that wasn’t the logical step
○ Cultural construct: Khateeb says something like “summer’s here bros, be careful” → cage them before they POUNCE 😛 → THIS IS A PERVERSION
■ sexuality and nudity was much more rampant at the time of Prophet (SAW)
■ At that time, if a woman was owned, a woman would be forbidden from covering above the navel… that is how pervasive nudity was
■ Paternity was so loose, that when someone was married they were married to the tribe, anyone from the tribe would lay claim to her
○ That is why we are told to guard our eyes → it is your duty as a man to run away from the Haram, it is inexcusable to say “I couldn’t help it”; it was much worse in other places
○ It is a sexist thing we have in our community is that we lower the standard of men; that is not Islamic
● One of the issues in marriage is a man who cannot guard his eyes – it is not embarrassing just for the women, it is embarrassing for him in front of Allah SWT.
● the sight is the quickest access to the soul/heart
○ Prophet (SAW) – that’s why you close the eyes of the deceased
○ Prophet (SAW) – The sinful glance is a sinful arrow of Iblis that strikes the heart
○ The eye is the easiest gate to the heart
○ There is no sinfulness in a man looking at a woman for identifying them, or doing something professional; the only problem is the fitnah in the heart
■ If you appreciate a person as a sexual being, then that is when you turn away
○ Prophet (ﷺ) telling Ali (RA) – the first look is for you. But if you return your gaze for a sinful reason (ie to “check them out”) then it’s sinful.
Narrated `Abdullah bin `Abbas RA: Al-Fadl RA (his brother) was riding behind Allah’s Messenger (ﷺ) and a woman from the tribe of Khath’am came and Al-Fadl RA started looking at her and she started looking at him. The Prophet (ﷺ) turned Al-Fadl’s RA face to the other side. The woman said, “O Allah’s Messenger (ﷺ)! The obligation of Hajj enjoined by Allah on His devotees has become due on my father and he is old and weak, and he cannot sit firm on the Mount; may I perform Hajj on his behalf?” The Prophet (ﷺ) replied, “Yes, you may.” That happened during the Hajj-al-Wida (of the Prophet (ﷺ).
Sitting behind the Prophet (ﷺ)
○ Ibn Abbas RA said, “a woman of spectacular beauty came up to Prophet (SAW)”
○ Ibn Abbas RA noticed the beauty and restrained himself so Prophet (SAW) didn’t turn his face
○ However Al Fadl RA was, so he turned his face for him
● During the time of the Prophet SAW, segregation was not a rule,
○ Prophet (SAW) stood on a pulpit at a woman’s request – so she could see him during khutbas
○ the same pulpit is going to be beside Al-Kauthar on the Day of Judgement
**SIDE NOTE** We will all pass through the sirat through Jahanam, each at different paces (based on your answer regarding your relationship with Allah)
● When we walk through we will say “Praise be to Allah who saved me from your torture”
● Then you will walk through the qantara ( a bridge), and that is when you will have to make the recompense for the wrong you have done to others
● Those that will have most against us are those that we have spent most time with..it’s there you’ll find your wife, kids…
● not an easy journey to set balance straight with others Pornography
● one of the most proliferated vices
● technology is driven by this proliferation
● around the time of VHS, Sony tried to patent “Beta”
○ Sony was owned and operated out of Japan
○ Japan = very ethical
○ Pornography industry wanted to use Sony for filming…
○ execs said no thanks
○ VHS said “okay let’s do it!”
○ Sony developed Blu-Ray gave access to porn industry to
○ → the web applications you and I use are primarily driven by companies that want you to watch their porn
● sociologists say it’s impossible to escape your teen years without exposure to some kind of pornography
● Addicting – Mind has these synapses, you watch something and you want it more
● BUT luckily your brain has this “use it or lose it” function – if you stop watching this kind of stuff
Story of Mughith RA and Bareerah RA
Bareerah RA was a female slave and A’ishah RA was interested in buying her. She was married to Mughith, and Ai’shah freed her (they were married in slavery); a free woman cannot marry a slave man, so after she became free, she had the choice to keep this marriage or to ask for the dissolution of the marriage. She said, “Alhamdulillah, I’m tired of this marriage, I’m going to get out.” Mugheeth loved her so much, sincerely and
honestly. After she left him, he couldn’t take it, so he went into public weeping, chasing
her, asking her “Ya Bareerah just look at me or talk to me.” He went to sahabah and said,
“Please talk to her for me (to Abu Bakr and Umar and at the end, even to the Prophet (ﷺ) to ask him to intercede. So Prophet (ﷺ), (as the mercy for mankind) felt sorry for him, and he said he’d do it. When he went to Bareerah, she asked, “Are you commanding me or are you just interceding?” The Prophet (ﷺ) said, “I’m interceding.” She replied, “If this is the case, then I don’t want him”, and since all else failed, he spent his life chasing after her and crying for her. “The husband of Bareerah was a slave called Mughith. It is as if I can see him now, walking behind her and weeping, with tears running down his cheeks. The Prophet (ﷺ) said to ‘Abbas RA: ‘O Abbas RA, are you not amazed by the love of Mugheeth for Bareerah, and the hatred of Bareerah for Mughith?’
And the Prophet (ﷺ) said to her: Why don’t you take him back, for he is the father of your child?’ She said: ‘O Messenger of Allah, are you commanding me (to do so)?’ He said: ‘No, rather I am interceding.’ She said: ‘I have no need of him.’ ”
THE CIRCLE OF LIFE
Two Major Theories on Love (according to marriage therapists)
A Husband’s Guide to Ruining a Good Marriage
A Wife’s Guide to Ruining a Good Marriage
Love in the Sunnah pg 81
→ He didn’t just marry to help people, or just for sexual appetite.
→ Sometimes people asked him to marry them and he wasn’t interested, some of the prophet’s wives weren’t “sexually available” so that’s not why he married them
By Shaykh Mawlānā Muhammad Saleem Dhorat hafizahullāh
We often hear ‘we are in the era of fitnas’ and ‘there are many fitnas in our times’. We come across this word, fitnah, during lectures and talks too. Let us understand what this word means. The word ‘fitnah’ (plural: fitan) is literally used in the context of heating gold to distinguish pure gold from the contaminated. However, it has various usages in religious text such as punishment, difficulty, calamity, sin, test, trial etc. The appropriate context for our discussion is where the word fitnah is used to mean test or trial. Tests and trials are such that they bring to light the inner condition or ability of a person in whatever field this test is taken. For example, if a person is tested on his knowledge on a certain subject, the test will reveal his level of insight in that subject. Therefore, we can say that fitnah is that which exposes the (true) condition of good or bad in a person.
As Qiyāmah draws closer, fitan will increase. Rasūlullāh sallallāhu ‘alayhi wasallam has stated:
Before Qiyāmah there will be fitan like portions of the dark night; a person will wake up in the morning as a believer but will leave the fold of Islām by the evening and another will be a believer in the evening but by the morning he will be a non-believer… (Abū Dāwūd)
The nature of these fitan will be such that they will not be simple tests; rather they will be extremely severe and mind boggling. A person will find it extremely difficult to differentiate between truth & falsehood and right & wrong. In this hadīth the fitan have been termed as ‘portions of the dark night’. In places where there is no artificial lighting a person will be able to experience the darkness that night has in it. As time passes, this darkness of night intensifies and it feels like a portion of darkness has been replaced by yet a darker portion. Similar will be the fitan before qiyamah; they will be severe and will intensify and continue to become more and more difficult as the Final Hour moves closer and closer.
Many ahādīth discuss the severity of these fitan and our compassionate and loving Nabī sallallāhu ‘alayhi wasallam has warned us for the very reason that we do not fall into such trials. The one who becomes a victim of these trials will be an unfortunate one, as he will not be able to safeguard his Dīn, resulting in being unsuccessful in both worlds. It is for this reason these fitan are also termed as tribulations and calamities. The degree of severity of these fitan can be gauged from the ḥadīth that a person’s Īmān will be at stake and for insignificant worldly benefits, a person will leave his Dīn.
In a hadīth of Imām Muslim rahimahullāh it is stated:
Hasten towards good deeds before there will be fitan like portions of the dark night; a person will wake up in the morning as a believer but will leave the fold of Islām by the evening or a person will be a believer in the evening but by the morning he will be a non-believer; he will sell his religion for worldly goods.
These fitan will become so severe that they will engulf even those who will merely glance at them. Nabī sallallāhu ‘alayhi wasallam said:
They [fitan] will engulf those who will peek towards them. (Al-Bukhārī)
Further, our Rasūl sallallāhu ‘alayhi wasallam advises:
…the one who finds a shelter or refuge [from them] should take refuge in it. (Al-Bukhārī)
The question that arises now is what are the things that will give us shelter and refuge from fitan? How can we save ourselves from these fitan? The answer is as follows:
1. Good Deeds
One should hold fast to the entire Dīn, carrying out all the farā’id and wājibāt and abstaining from the ḥarām and makrūhāt tahrīmiyyah. Moreover, sunan and nawāfil should also be part of our lives. In every aspect of our lives, from beliefs to worldly transactions, Dīn should dictate our every step. Allāh ta‘ālā states:
O you who believe, enter into Islām completely, and do not follow the footsteps of satan. Surely, he is an open enemy for you. (2:208)
If we hold fast to the whole Dīn of Allāh ta‘ālā, then our lives will be full of good deeds and it is with the good deeds a person will be able to challenge the fitan as mentioned in the hadīth earlier:
Hasten towards good deeds before there will be fitan like portions of the dark night… (Muslim)
2. Have Control Over your Tongue
Controlling one’s tongue entails first and foremost speaking good. The best thing a person can do is speak righteous. In contrast, speaking evil or wrong is no doubt abhorrent and disliked, hence we should abstain from polluting the tongue with such speech. The controlling of the tongue and abstaining from speaking also includes situations where one is aware of his deficiency in self-discipline, being that he generally falls into evil speech though he initially begins with righteous speech. It is for such individuals Rasūlullāh sallallāhu ‘alayhi wasallam has stated:
The one who remained silent saved himself. (At-Tirmidhī)
Controlling the tongue in essence means we dictate what emits from it; if both good and evil is being uttered then it is a sign that we are not in control. If only good and righteous speech is being spoken, then we are in control. Therefore, a person needs to assess before speaking and follow the principle: “Think before you speak.” This can be achieved by speaking with full attention towards the speech like that person who is being interviewed. He very carefully evaluates every word he speaks. Likewise, we too need to monitor and evaluate every word we say in our day to day conversations.
3. Mixing Less and Remaining in the Confines of your Home
One should not leave the home without necessity. This is a general advice addressed to both men and women. A person leaving the home without necessity will make himself prone to fitan, especially where the environment is that of sin.
In our times, being physically at home does not necessarily mean that the person is in the ‘home’ as a person surfing the net is in essence out of their ‘home’. Similarly, when reading literature or when listening to a lecture, a person is no longer in the ‘home’, they are in the company of the author or the lecturer. The same can be said for the one using social media or a smartphone. To stay confined to our homes is in reality to stay away from every engagement in which one will become prone to the disobedience to Allāh ta‘ālā as any such engagement will essentially mean leaving the vicinity of the home and becoming prone to fitan.
The above two points can be summarised as inculcating the habits of ‘Qillat-ul-kalām’ (reducing the speech) and ‘Qillatu ikhtilāt ma‘al-anām’ (reducing intermingling with the creation of Allāh ta‘ālā) which are points from the prescription of soul purification prescribed by mashāikh through which a person nourishes their soul and safeguards it from deteriorating spiritually.
The conclusion of ‘Qillat-ul-kalām’ is that one should avoid unnecessary speech and the conclusion of ‘Qillatu ikhtilāt ma‘al-anām’ is that one avoids unnecessary interaction with people. Avoiding unnecessary interaction will ensure that unnecessary speech is also avoided, as the less a person interacts with others the less the chance to speak.
A point to note here is that ‘Qillatu ikhtilāt ma‘al-anām’ does not mean that one leaves mixing with people altogether, because so many people have rights over us which we are obliged to fulfil. It is every person’s duty to interact and socialise with family, parents, relatives and others therefore, reduction in intermingling means that a person does not exceed the limit by keeping the following points in mind:
a. To mix only out of necessity.
b. Not to violate any command of Allāh ta‘ālā.
c. Not to get involved in lā ya‘nī (futile and baseless activity).
4. Tawbah and Asking for Forgiveness
When making effort in following the commands of Allāh ta‘ālā, we are prone to making errors. Therefore, it is essential that we repent; and in repenting we should express our remorse and regret by crying to Allāh ta‘ālā.
Note: The above three points have been mentioned in the ḥadīth narrated by ‘Uqbah bin ‘Āmir radhiyallāhu ‘anhu who asked Rasūlullāh sallallāhu ‘alayhi wasallam, ‘In what lies salvation and safety?’ Rasūlullāh sallallāhu ‘alayhi wasallam gave the above three instructions. These will assure us of a state by which we will be able to safeguard our Dīn and ultimately save ourselves from fitan.
5. Reciting Sūrah Al-Kahf
In the hadith we find that the recitation of Sūrah Al-Kahf on the day of Friday provides safety from the fitnah of dajjāl. In another hadith we find that the greatest fitnah that will come upon this ummah is the fitnah of dajjāl. By inference we can say that if Sūrah Al-Kahf will save a person from the fitnah of dajjāl, then it will surely save us from all the other fitan which are comparatively inferior.
6. Holding Fast to the Gatherings of the Pious ‘Ulamā
Holding fast to and frequenting the gathering of authentic, reliable ‘Ulamā who fear Allāh ta‘ālā is a very secure way to save one’s self from the fitan. Such company will give us the correct understanding of the Dīn and also the spiritual nourishment to assist us to combat the nafs and shaytān.
7. Du‘ā
Du‘ā is the weapon of the believer. One should regularly seek Allāh ta‘ālā’s refuge by supplicating to Him. We find in the hādith, narrated by Imām Ahmad rahimahullāh, a supplication:
O Allāh, I seek refuge with You from all tribulations: those that are apparent and those that are hidden.
We should try and make a habit of making this supplication at least three times after every salāh. Al-Mu’awwadhāt, a compilation by this humble servant, should also be included in one’s daily practices (ma‘mūlāt) as it contains supplications, from the Qur’ān and the ahādīth, which seek refuge in Allāh ta‘ālā from all misfortunes of this world and the hereafter. My late mentor, Hadrat Hājī Muhammad Fārūq sāhib rahimahullāh used to say:
The one who asks Allāh is not deprived and the one who fears Him is granted protection.
If we hold fast to these few points, inshā’allāh, we will be able to safeguard ourselves from the ever increasing and intensifying fitan.
© Riyādul Jannah
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