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What is the best way to deal with Anger and Waswasas?
In the name of Allāh, Most Gracious, Most Merciful
Assalāmu ῾alaykum wa Rahmatullāhi Wabarakātuh
ANSWER TO THE FIRST QUERY: Anger is natural to man. There is no man without the instinct of anger. Allah has placed this quality in man for some reason. It is given to man for the purpose of protecting himself, his possessions, his family and his relatives. If he is bereft of the quality of anger then he will never be angry and never defend himself when attacked by an enemy or an animal. So, man is allowed to show anger to protect himself and, the Shariah has not placed any restriction on that. However, what is required s that man keeps it under control, which if he does so, he will save himself from many difficulties. Conversely, if man does not control his anger he is prone to commit innumerable sins. It is anger that gives rise to arrogance; it gives root to jealousy; an angry man bears malice and is also hostile. Hence, man needs to learn how to use this innate tool of anger for his advantage and protect himself from its abuse and nasty consequences.
A FEW ANTIDOTES
Hereunder follow a few prescriptions and antidotes to ‘diffuse’ one in the rage of anger. May Allah Ta’ala grant us the Divine ability to implement these when we are placed in such situations, Āmin.
وَإِمَّا يَنْزَغَنَّكَ مِنَ الشَّيْطَانِ نَزْغٌ فَاسْتَعِذْ بِاللَّهِ
“(O Rasulullah) If a provocation from Shaytan provokes you, then seek refuge in Allah.”
(Surah Fussilat – S.41, V.36)
That is, recite,
أَعُوْذُ باِللهِ مِنَ الشَّيْطَانِ الرَّجِيْمْ
“I seek refuge in Allah from the dejected devil.”
The devil has provoked you, but you have sought the refuge of Allah, so Allah will preserve you from its evil consequences.
“If you feel the rage of anger in you then, if you are standing, sit down. If the feeling persists in that posture, then lie down.” (Abu Dāwud, Vol.2, Pg.316, Maktabah Ramāniyyah)
“Suppose Allah was to be angry at me in the same way I am angry at this man, then what will become of me?”
We are told in a hadith that Rasulullah r came across Abu Bakr t scolding his slave. He was blaming him harshly. According to a version, Rasilullah r said,
“Remember, Allah has more power and authority over you than you have over him. You use your authority to hurt him but Allah has more authority over you.”
“Remember me in the time of your anger and I (Allah) will consider you at time when I am in full fury.”
(Ihyā Ulumiddīn Vol.2, Pg.219; Dāru Misr Littibā’ah)
“When you become angry, remain silent.”
(Ihyā Ulumiddīn Vol.2, Pg.219; Dāru Misr Littibā’ah)
By remaining silent, calm and sedate, one will be in complete control of one’s mind and senses thus allowing one to act in correct measure.
“Anger Is A Very Valuable Thing So Don’t Lose It!”
“For Every Minute You Are Angry, You Lose 60 Seconds Of Happiness!”
May Allah Ta’ālā protect us from the snares of Shaytan and nafs, and may He allow us to attain His Divine pleasure through our anger, Āmīn.
WASWASA (EVIL WHISPERS & DOUBTS)
ANSWER TO THE SECOND QUERY: From the outset we should understand that Allah Ta’ala has given Shaytan the power of whispering into the heart of a person. It is for this reason that we implore Allah’s protection against such whisperings in Surah Nās,
“I seek protection… from the mischief of the whisperer (of evil), who withdraws (after his whisper). He who whispers into the heart of mankind…”
(Surah Nās – S. 114, V. 4-6)
Whilst the evil whispers of Shaytan cannot be heard, its message can be perceived and comprehended by the heart. A golden rule to remember is that, as long as one does not subscribe to these whisperings, (into ones heart), there is no need to become worried and perturbed about them; the whisperings should merely be ignored. In the same note, whilst these whisperings pose a test to mans will-power of restraint, Allah Ta’ālā has provided man with antidotes to secure ourselves from the evil of these injected whispers taking effect.
A FEW ANTIDOTES
اَللَّهُمَّ اجْعَلْ وَسَاوِسَ قَلْبِىْ خَشْيَتَكَ وَ ذِكْرَكَ وَ اجْعَلْ هِمَّتِىْ وَ هَوَايَ فِيْمَا تُحِبُّ وَ تَرْضَى
“O Allah! Make Your fear and remembrance the obsession of my mind and divert my will and courage to the performance of deeds that please You.”
(Al Hizbul A’zam)
It is the disposition of man that his mind is always occupied and never without thoughts. His hands may be doing something but his mind is thinking of something else and continuously receives diverse thoughts. Therefore, we must implore Allah Ta’ālā via this Dua that the idle thoughts we receive be replaced by Allah’s remembrance and fear.
هُوَ الْأَوَّلُ وَالْآَخِرُ وَالظَّاهِرُ وَالْبَاطِنُ وَهُوَ بِكُلِّ شَيْءٍ عَلِيمٌ
“He is the First and the Last, the Manifest and the Hidden and He is All-Knowing about everything.”
(Surah Al Hadīd, S.57, V.3)
(Ma’āriful Qurān, English, Vol.8, Pg.305; Maktaba-e-Dārul-Uloom Karāchi.14 )
قُلِ اللَّهُمَّ فَاطِرَ السَّمَاوَاتِ وَالْأَرْضِ عَالِمَ الْغَيْبِ وَالشَّهَادَةِ أَنْتَ تَحْكُمُ بَيْنَ عِبَادِكَ فِي مَا كَانُوا فِيهِ يَخْتَلِفُونَ
“O Allah! Creator of the heavens and the earth, Knower of the unseen and the seen, You will judge between Your servants in that which they used to differ.”
(Surah Zumar – S.39, V.46)
And thereafter said, “Whenever you have a doubt about the mutual differences of the noble Sahabah t, do recite this verse.”
Additionally, Tafsir Ruhul Ma’ani reports this statement and then says,
“This incident serves to teach us the best etiquette with regard to this issue, and this is something one should always bear in mind.”
(Ma’āriful Qurān, Vol.7, Pg.570)
وَقُلْ رَبِّ أَعُوذُ بِكَ مِنْ هَمَزَاتِ الشَّيَاطِينِ . وَأَعُوذُ بِكَ رَبِّ أَنْ يَحْضُرُونِ
“Say O Muhammad r, ‘O Allah! I seek your protection from the whisperings of the Shaytān, and, O my Rabb, I seek Your protection that they (the Shaytāns) approach me (because they always approach with evil).’”
(Surah Mu’minun – S. 23, V. 98)
(Al Jāmiu Li Ahkāmil Qurān – Qurtubī, Vol.12, Pg.154; Dārul Hadīth, Egypt)
May Allah Ta’ālā allow us to recite these supplications constantly, and may He occupy our minds with His fear and remembrance, Āmīn.
And Allāh Ta῾āla Knows Best
Ml. Zeyad Danka,
Student Dārul Iftā
Checked and Approved by:
Mufti Ebrahim Desai
Dārul Iftā, Madrasah In῾āmiyyah
Do you want to cure your anger problem?
This is a beautiful du’a for those of us who get angry quickly:
اللّهُمَ اغْفِرْ لِيْ ذَنْبِيْ ، وَأَذْهِبْ غَيْظَ قَلْبِيْ، وَأَجِرْنِيْ مِنَ الشَّيْطَانِ
Allahummaghfirli dhanbi, wa adh-hib ghayza qalbi, wa ajirni min al-shaytan.
O Allah, forgive my sins, remove the rage in my heart and protect me from the Shaytan. (Ibn al-Sunni, 622)
As Leo Tolstoy once said, “All happy families resemble one another; every unhappy family is unhappy in its own way.” We can smile at that quote or it can inspire us to ask ourselves some wise questions: What is it that happy families are doing? And, do my spouse and I fall into the category of happy couples?
If you want to have a superior relationship with your partner and be a good role model for your children, then enhance your verbal skills today by adopting the tips below. What I have found as a couples mediator is that the same verbal skills work to improve every relationship. These 10 quick and simple tips from my book Fight Less, Love More will keep the peace in the family and make your love connection stronger. Even if you’re using the tips and your husband or wife isn’t, their effect will still be astonishing.
Pick The Right Battles
1 of 10
Before you get angry and reprimand your mate for making a mistake or doing something you told him or her not to do, stop and ask yourself this one wise question: “Does this affect me?” If it doesn’t, button your lips and avoid a fight. After all, your mate is the one who must deal with the consequence, not you.
Be A Detective
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When your mate’s mistake does affect you, what then? Rather than being hostile, find out what really happened. Ask neutral and respectful questions such as, “Can you tell me what happened?” or “I don’t understand. Am I missing something here?” You might discover a good reason for the oversight or blunder, which could avoid a blow-up.
Complain With Impact
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When you have a complaint, say what you do want, not what you don’t want. For example, rather than saying to your child or mate, “Get off that darn computer — you’re so rude!” instead target your mate using a positive approach: “I miss your company. Can you join me in the living room to hang out?”
Skip The ‘Whatever’ Word
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Being passive by often saying “whatever you want” might temporarily avoid a fight, but it could breed resentment because it leaves the majority of decisions to your mate, which can be stressful. Instead, have a real opinion and share it.
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If your mate does something that affects and disturbs you, such as overspending or making plans for both of you without asking the other first, don’t get sucked into the heated “How could you?” argument. Instead, focus on the future by creating policy solutions, as in, “From now on can we agree to make a budget for our personal expenses?” Or: “Can we agree to check in with each other before making plans for both of us?”
Show You Care
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Forgetting to ask about what’s going on in your child or your mate’s daily life is a surefire way to erode a relationship. From now on, if you know that someone in your family has an important meeting, test, doctor appointment, or event that day, don’t neglect it — instead, respect it. Call, email, text, or ask in person, “How did it go?” This sends a clear message: I care about you.
Avoid Factual Arguments
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Do you and your mate often find yourselves arguing about the name of a restaurant you went to, a certain address, someone’s birthday, an historical fact, or sports figure? Then you are prone to having a dumb argument! Stop the conversation and do an online fact check, call a friend, or simply drive by the location.
Apologize With The ‘B’ Word
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Quickly saying the words “I’m sorry” is a bad apology because it often comes off as insincere, and could trigger another battle. Next time you seek mercy, add the “B” word: Say, “I’m sorry because…” and share how you hurt your mate and what you will do to prevent the wrongdoing from recurring. Research shows that when you add the “because clause” your words are more persuasive.
Create Border Control
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Are you ever angry with your partner for revealing something to others that you consider private, like a health issue, a child discipline issue, job insecurity, or a marital disagreement? If so, bypass the “How could you say that?!” argument. Instead, establish border control: Outline the topics that should remain private to insure that neither of you becomes an accidental traitor.
Give A Daily Dose Of Recognition
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Most couples on the divorce path seldom compliment each other. In our online survey for Fight Less, Love More, we asked people, “Would you rather your mate compliment you for being kind or good-looking?” The result was that 84 percent of people said “kind.” The lesson: Find daily opportunities to recognize your mate for something that reflects a character strength (you are such a wonderful mother/father, you are so thoughtful when you…).