10 Green Hadith

بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم

10 Green Ahadith
By Muhammad Fathi
1 Muharram 1440

federico-beccari-633001-unsplashDid the Prophet (Peace and blessings be upon him) say anything about saving our planet? Did he promote any ideas or practices relevant to the world’s growing concern about the future of the earth and its resources?
Below is a collection of the Prophet’s Ahadith
 
Plant a tree even if it is your last deed:
1. Anas (May Allah be pleased with him) reported that the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) said, “If the Hour (the day of Resurrection) is about to be established and one of you was holding a palm shoot, let him take advantage of even one second before the Hour is established to plant it.” (Reported by Ahmad and Al-Bukhan on the authority of Anas in Al Adab Al-Mufrad,)
 
Planting trees is a renewable source of hasanat:
2. Anas also reported that the Prophet said, “If a Muslim plants a tree or sows seeds, and then a bird, or a person or an animal eats from it, it is regarded as a charitable gift (sadaqah) for him. (Bukhari)
 
Conserve resources even when used for rituals:
3. Abdullah ibn Amr ibn Al-`Aas (May Allah be pleased with him) reported that the Prophet passed one day by Sa`d ibn Abi Waqas (May Allah be pleased with him) while he was performing wudu’ (ritual cleaning of body parts in preparation for prayer). The Prophet asked Sa`d, “What is this wastage?” Sa`d replied “Is there wastage in wudu also?” The Prophet said,Yes, even if you are at a flowing river.” (Ahmad and authenticated Ahmad Shakir)
 
Keeping environment clean is important:
4. The Prophet warned, “Beware of the three acts that cause you to be cursed: relieving yourselves in shaded places (that people utilize), in a walkway or in a watering place.” (Narrated by Mu`adh , hasan by Al-Albani)

5. Abu Zarr Al-Ghafari (may Allah be pleased with him) reported that the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) said, “Removing harmful things from the road is an act of charity (sadaqah).” (Narrated by Abu Dharr Al-Ghafari)
 
No for over-consumption! Consider recycling and fixing before buying new items:
6. Abdullah ibn `Abbas (may Allah be pleased with him) reported that the Prophet said, “The believer is not he who eats his fill while his neighbor is hungry.” (Saheeh al-Bukharee (112))

7. Asked about what the Prophet used to do in his house, the Prophet’s wife, `A’ishah (may Allah be pleased with her), said that he used to repair his shoes, sow his clothes and used to do all such household works done by an average person. (Sahih Bukhari)

8. The Prophet said, “Whoever kills a sparrow or anything bigger than that without a just cause, Allah will hold him accountable on the Day of Judgment.”  The listeners asked, “O Messenger of Allah, what is a just cause?” He replied, “That he will kill it to eat, not simply to chop off its head and then throw it away.” (An-Nasa’i)
 
Animals should be cared for:
9. Abu Hurairah (may Allah be pleased with him) narrated that the Prophet said, “A man felt very thirsty while he was on the way, there he came across a well. He went down the well, quenched his thirst and came out. Meanwhile he saw a dog panting and licking mud because of excessive thirst. He said to himself, “This dog is suffering from thirst as I did.” So, he went down the well again, filled his shoe with water, held it with his mouth and watered the dog. Allah appreciated him for that deed and forgave him. The Companions said, “O Allah’s Messenger! Is there a reward for us in serving the animals?” He replied: “There is a reward for serving any living being.” (Bukhari)

10. Abdullah ibn `Umar (may Allah be pleased with him) narrated that the Prophet said, “A woman entered the (Hell) Fire because of a cat which she had tied, neither giving it food nor setting it free to eat from the vermin of the earth.” (Bukhari)

The pen is closest to my heart, so may Allah make a means of hidayat for me and a change for all. In sha Allah…
Ameen

10 Ways to be the Ideal Muslim Husband

بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم

images (3)Zainab bint Younus, Canada

MARITAL ADVICE LISTS are common to find in Muslim literature and lectures, yet the information is almost always targeted towards women. However, we all know that it takes two to tango – and so here is a list aimed at Muslim husbands in the hopes that they, too, will benefit and be able to improve their relationships.

1. Have taqwa and isân

Know that you are responsible for your end of the marriage, regardless of how the other party treats you. Fulfill your wife’s rights without demanding yours first, and know that you seek Allah’s Pleasure over anyone else’s. Do your job with excellence, and don’t make it conditional. Isân is not merely to worship in the ritual sense, but to conduct oneself in general with an awareness that Allah is Al-Raqîb (the Ever-Watchful), and to fulfill one’s duties in the best of manners.

Then he (Jibrîl) said, “Inform me about isân.” He (the Messenger of Allah) answered, “It is that you should serve Allah as though you could see Him, for though you cannot see Him yet (know that) He sees you.” (Muslim)

2. Respect her

Remember that Allah describes marriage as a bond of love and mercy – love ebbs and flows, but mercy and respect must always be there, even – especially – in times of conflict. Unfortunately, we tend to present respect as a quality that men need (“men need respect, women need affection”). The truth is, however, that one can love someone without respecting them… and this is very, very dangerous. To have mercy and respect one’s wife is to never assume that she exists merely as an extension of you or to serve your needs. To respect her is to honor her, to defend her from harm and others’ accusations, and to have husn al-ann of her.

In cases of disagreement, this respect translates as not forcing your own opinion upon her when there is Islamically acceptable room for differences of opinion.

It should go without saying, but unfortunately it bears repeating nonetheless – respecting your wife means never, ever, abusing her, physically or otherwise.

“And of His signs is that He created for you from yourselves mates that you may find tranquillity in them; and He placed between you affection and mercy. Indeed in that are signs for a people who give thought.”  [Sûrat Al-Rûm, 30:21]

Even in times of conflict, Allah tells us to behave in the most respectful and gracious of manners:

And do not forget graciousness between you.  [Sûrat Al-Baqarah, 2:237]

Abû Mûsa Al-Ashʿari (May Allah be pleased with him) reported:

I asked the Messenger of Allah: “Who is the most excellent among the Muslims?” He said, “One from whose tongue and hands the other Muslims are secure.”  [1]

3.  Be emotionally intelligent

Empathy, being attuned to the other person’s preferences, learning to understand their personality and responding appropriately without expecting to change them into something they’re not… supporting and respecting each other as both individuals and as a team. The Prophet ﷺ was an emotionally intelligent husband, who knew the differences in his wives’ personalities and interacted with them in a manner best suited to each woman. He comforted Ṣufiyyah when she wept; he had spirited discussions with ʿÂishah (May Allah be pleased with her) and he encouraged Ḥafṣah’s (May Allah be pleased with her) for knowledge.

In a famous narration known as the Hadith of Abu Zarʿ(May Allah be pleased with him) [2]  ʿAishah told the Prophet ﷺ the story of eleven women who sat together and described their husbands’ qualities and behaviours. The eleventh woman, Umm Zarʿ, described Abû Zarʿas a man who was extremely generous to his wife, showering her with gifts; who went out of his way to please her; who never rebuked her or verbally abused her; who made sure that she was comfortable and satisfied. To Umm Zarʿ, there was no greater husband than Abû Zarʿ- and the Prophet ﷺ himself told ʿÂishah, I am to you as Abû Zarʿwas to Umm Zarʿ, except that I will never divorce you.

4.  Be a True Qawwâm

Know that being a qawwâm is a matter of being a good leader – not authoritarian or a dictator, but someone who inspires love and respect, who treats others with dignity and respect… The popular book 7 Habits of Highly Effective People is a great resource for understanding what good leadership is. There are several excellent Islamic resources discussing leadership lessons from the life of the Prophet ﷺ.  [3]  [4]   Strive to embody the Sunnah in your character, not just in how many rakʿahs a day you pray.

ʿÂishah RA described the Prophet thus: “His character was the Quran.” [5] Be the type of husband that a wife describes in such a manner.

Remember that as a qawwâm, you are responsible and accountable for the well-being of your household and those under your care.

The Messenger of Allah ﷺ said:

“Each of you is a shepherd and each of you is responsible for his flock. The amîr (ruler) who is over the people is a shepherd and is responsible for his flock; a man is a shepherd in charge of the inhabitants of his household and he is responsible for his flock…”  [6]

5.  Be friends before you become spouses

That might sound odd (or not) – but we often put so much pressure on ourselves to fulfill a role (husband/wife), that we forget to get to know each other as friends first. Every marriage will go through ups and downs, intimately and otherwise… and you’ll be surprised to realize how much having a solid, sincere friendship can pull you through the hard times.

One example of RasûlAllah’s “friendship” with his wives is his relationship with Sawdah bint Zamʿah RA. She was the first woman whom he married after the death of Khadijah, and although she was considered to be elderly and not as beautiful as the other women whom he would later marry, their relationship was one of camaraderie, confidence, and laughter.  [7]

6.  Don’t be embarrassed or ignorant of female biology

Learn about it – from menstruation to female sexuality to pregnancy and everything else. You need to know this stuff – it will impact your life significantly, intimately and otherwise. Don’t laugh it off or act as though it’s not worth your time and attention. Women’s health is sorely misunderstood, and having a disinterested (or worse, disgusted) husband can make things even more difficult for women.

The Prophet ﷺ did not shy away from these matters, either as a husband or as a Messenger of Allah. Instead, he constantly enjoined men to be aware of and sensitive to their wives’ needs – just as he was with his wives.

Narrated Umm Salamah RA:

While I was laying with the Prophet ﷺ under a single woolen sheet, I got the menses. I slipped away and put on the clothes for menses. He said, “Have you got “nifâs” (menses)?” I replied, “Yes.” He then called me and made me lie with him under the same sheet.   [8]

7.  Be responsible

Being “a good Muslim husband” doesn’t just mean fulfilling the basic rights as a husband and leaving it at that. Being a good Muslim husband means that you are on the ball as a responsible adult – whether it’s paying the bills, taking out the trash, cleaning a mess in the house, or being an engaged father (not ‘babysitting’). Doing these things is not a “kindness to the wife,” or “helping out at home.” It’s not “extra credit” and deserving of lavish praise. It is part and parcel of being a grown man responsible for his surroundings, his family, and himself. Do these things out of mindfulness that Allah will never waste your efforts for His Sake.

Narrated Al-Aswad RA:

I asked ʿÂishah what did the Prophet use to do at home. She replied. “He used to keep himself busy serving his family and when it was time for the prayer, he would get up for prayer.” (Bukhâri)

ʿÂishah RA reported:

I was asked, “What did the Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, do in his house?” I said, “The Prophet was a man among men. He would remove fleas from his clothes, milk his sheep, and serve himself.” (Musnad Ahmad 25662)

8.  Don’t pursue your nawâfil at the expense of your wife’s farâi

One issue that many men fall into is that in their zeal to engage more in ʿibâda, they end up burdening their wives even more – to the extent that she is barely able to pray her five alawât with khushûʿ. Both spouses should encourage and facilitate opportunities for each other to strengthen as Muslims, but mothers of young children especially need their husbands to step up so that they can have the necessary time they need to reconnect with Allah and flourish spiritually. (And no, that doesn’t just mean five minutes here and there.)

Ramadan is a time when this becomes more obvious than ever – for example, many men will go to alat Al-arâwî while leaving their wives to deal with the children, in addition to having cooked ifâr beforehand. On a daily basis, though, go out of your way to facilitate your wife’s ʿibâda and spiritual connection.

Narrated Abû Juḥaifah RA:

The Prophet ﷺ made a bond of brotherhood between Salmân Al-Fârisi RA and Abû Al-Dardâ’ RA. Salmân RA paid a visit to Abû Al-Dardâ’ RA and found Umm Al-Dardâ’ RA dressed in shabby clothes and asked her why she was in that state. She replied, “Your brother Abû Al-Dardâ’ R is not interested in (the luxuries of) this world.”

In the meantime Abû Al-Dardâ’ RA came and prepared a meal for Salmân RA. Salmân RA requested Abû Al-Dardâ’ RA to eat (with him), but Abû Al-Dardâ’ RA said, “I am fasting.” Salmân RA said, “I am not going to eat unless you eat.”

So, Abû Al-Dardâ’ RA ate (with Salmân). When it was night and (a part of the night had passed), Abû Al-Dardâ’ RA got up (to offer the night prayer), but Salmân RA told him to sleep and Abû Al-Dardâ’ RA slept.

After sometime Abû Al-Dardâ’ RA again got up but Salmân RA told him to sleep. When it was the last hours of the night, Salmân RA told him to get up then, and both of them offered the prayer.

Salmân RA told Abû Al-Dardâ’ RA, “Your Lord has a right on you, your soul has a right on you, and your family has a right on you; so you should give the rights of all those who has a right on you.”

Abû Al-Dardâ’ RA came to the Prophet ﷺ and narrated the whole story. The Prophet ﷺ said, “Salmân RA has spoken the truth.”   [9]

9.  Learn conflict resolution skills

One big reason that couples end up going to Shuyûkh for counseling is because they simply haven’t learned how to communicate and resolve conflicts in a healthy manner. It’s not even about one specific issue or another; it’s about learning how to deal with whatever issues arise, in the most respectful and appropriate manner possible.  [10]

The Quran and Sunnah urge positive reconciliation between believers, and especially between husbands and wives.

“And live with them honourably. For if you dislike them – perhaps you dislike a thing and Allah makes therein much good.” [Sûrat Al-Nisâ’, 4:19]

“And if a woman fears from her husband contempt or evasion, there is no sin upon them if they make terms of settlement between them – and settlement is best. And present in [human] souls is stinginess. But if you do good and fear Allah – then indeed Allah is ever with what you do, Acquainted.” [Sûrat Al-Nisâ’, 4:128]

10. Love your wife for who she is

Not because she’s the person who cooks for you or does your laundry. Not because she’s the mother of your child(ren). Not because you’ve settled into routine and you feel comfortable having her around and she knows how to work the coffee maker and where the family’s paperwork is filed. Love her for her. Her personality traits, her talents, her hobbies, the things about her that make her unique.

Notice them, appreciate them, compliment them. Let her know that you don’t just see her as wife or mother, but as an individual on her own. Know that long before she married you, indeed long before she was born to her own parents, she was created as a separate soul – a human being whose primary identity is as a slave of Allah.

And most importantly – let her know that you love her, with all the pride and openness that RasûlAllah ﷺ demonstrated when he was asked, “Who do you love most?” and he responded, simply and beautifully, “ʿÂishah.”   [11]

There are of course numerous other pieces of advice that can be dispensed on the topic – everything from giving gifts to resolving in-law issues to arranging date-nights and so on. However, more important than specific behaviours are the principles behind them – and it these principles which have been highlighted.

In short, Muslim men should strive to match the standards set by RasûlAllah ﷺ when he said:

“The best of you are those who are the best to their wives, and I am the best of you to my wives.”   [12]

————————–

[1] http://sunnah.com/riyadussaliheen/18/2

[2] http://sunnah.com/bukhari/67/123

[3] http://muslimmatters.org/2014/10/28/lessons-in-leadership-from-the-prophet-muhammad-saw/ and http://muslimmatters.org/2014/11/04/21-lessons-in-leadership-from-the-prophet-part-2/

[4] https://theislamicworkplace.com/2006/11/15/the-leadership-process-of-muhammad-s-from-hadith/

[5] http://sunnah.com/urn/2203080

[6] http://sunnah.com/abudawud/20/1

[7] http://thesalafifeminist.blogspot.ca/2014/08/his-laughter-her-love.html

[8] http://sunnah.com/bukhari/6/5

[9] http://sahaba.net/salman-farisi-rights/

[10] https://aljumuah.com/cooling-the-fires-of-marriage-part-1-an-approach-to-conflict-resolution/

[11] http://sunnah.com/bukhari/64/384

[12] Narrated by Al-Tirmidhi, 3895; Ibn Mâjah, 1977; classed as saî by al-Albaani in Saî al-Tirmidhi

ZAINAB BINT YOUNUS

Zainab bint Younus is a Canadian Muslimah who has been active in grassroots da’wah and writing about Islam and the Ummah for the last nine years. She was first published in al-Ameen Newspaper (Vancouver, Canada) at the age of 14, became a co-founder, editor, and writer for MuslimMatters.org at 16; and began writing regularly for SISTERS Magazine at the age of 19 until today. She also blogs regularly at The Salafi Feminist

A STRANGE INCIDENT OF A WOMAN IN THE TIME OF SAYYIDAH ‘AISHAH (RADIYALLAHU’ANHA)

noone

بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم

http://hadithanswers.com/a-strange-incident-of-a-woman-in-the-time-of-sayyidah-aishah-radiyallahuanha/

 

A woman whose hand was paralysed entered upon ‘Aa’ishah (radiyallahu ‘anha). She said, “O Mother of the Believers, I went to sleep yesterday and my hand was healthy and I woke up and it was paralysed.

‘Aa’ishah said, “How is that?”

She replied, “I had wealthy parents and my father used to pay zakah, host guests and give to beggars and he did not see any good except that he would do it.

As for my mother, she was stingy and did nothing good with my father’s wealth. Then my father died and my mother died only two months after him.

So I saw my father in a dream last night and he was wearing two yellow garments and in front of him was a flowing river.

I said, “Father, what is this?’

He said, “Whoever does good in this life will see it, this is what Allah has given me.”

I asked him, “What has happened to my mother?” He asked, “ Your Mother died?”

I said, “Yes”

He said, “She has been turned away from me, so look for her on your left”

So I turned to my left and I saw my mother standing naked, covering her lower half with a rag and in her hand was a piece of fat.

She was calling out, “My sadness, my thirst.’

When she became tired she would rub the fat with her hand and then lick it, while in front of her was a flowing river.

I said, ‘O mother, why are you crying out of thirst and there is a flowing river in front of you?’

She said, ‘I am not allowed to drink from it.’

I said, ‘Can I give u some of the water?’

She said, ‘I wish u would do that.’ So I filled my hand with water and let her drink and when she swallowed it I heard a voice on my right, ‘Whoever has given this woman water, may his hand be paralysed and they repeated it twice.

Then I awoke and my hand was paralysed and I am not able to do anything with it.

‘Aa’ishah (radiyallahu ‘anha) asked: ‘Did you recognise the rag she was wearing?’

I said, ‘Yes, O Mother of the Believers, it was exactly the same one I saw her wearing, for I had never seen my mother give anything as charity, except that one day my Father slaughtered a bull. So a beggar came to ask for some, so my mother gave him a bone that had some fat on it. And I saw one day that a beggar asked her for charity, so she gave him that exact rag.’

‘Aa’ishah (radiyallahu ‘anha) said, ‘Allah is the Most Great! Allah has told the truth and the Messenger (sallallahu ‘alayhi wasallam) has delivered the message.

فَمَن يَعْمَلْ مِثْقَالَ ذَرَّةٍ خَيْرًا يَرَهُ
وَمَن يَعْمَلْ مِثْقَالَ ذَرَّةٍ شَرًّا يَرَهُ

“So whoever does an atom’s weight of good will see it,
And whoever does an atom’s weight of evil will see it”
(Surah Zilzal, verses 7-8)

Hafiz Ibn Rajab Al-Hambaly (rahimahullah) references it to Kitabut Targhib wat Tarhib of Imam Abu Musa Al-Madini (rahimahullah) with a sound (hasan) chain.

(Al-Kalamu ‘alal Hadith: yatba’ul mayyita thalath; see Majmu’ Rasail Ibn Rajab, vol.2 pg.430)

Imam Abu Bakr ibn Abid Dunya (rahimahullah) has also recorded a variant of this incident with two weak chains, that support each other adequately.

(Kitabu Mujabid Da’wah, number: 71 & 72)

This incident may be quoted.

Nursery or Adversary?

بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم

Assalamu Alaykum wR wB,

If we survey the Sunnah of the Prophet ﷺ, a similar understanding is found. The qualities of devotion to Allah and their families were at the centre of the praiseworthy qualities of women. For example, the Prophet clarifies the Islamic view regarding the best women and the central reason behind it saying, “The best women from the riders of the camels (the best Arab women) are the righteous among the women of Quraish. They are the kindest women to their children in childhood and the most careful of women in regards to the property of their husbands.” (Bukhari/Muslim) In this hadith the Prophet explains their goodness by being good wives and good mothers.

In another statement the Prophet ﷺ explains that one of the main aims of marriage is to produce and nurture children who follow the Sunnah of the Prophet (peace be upon him) in worshiping Allah and glorifying him. The companion Ma’qil ibn Yasaar narrated that a man came to the messenger of Allah (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) and said: “O Messenger of Allah, I have found a woman who is from a good family and is pretty, but she does not bear children – should I marry her?” He told him not to. Then he came to him a second time and said something similar and he told him not to marry her. Then he came to him a third time and said something similar and he (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) said: “Marry the one who is loving and fertile, for I will be proud of your great numbers before the nations on the Day of Resurrection.” (Abu Dawud/Nasa’i)

Shaykh ‘Abd al-‘Azeem Abaadi said in his commentary of this hadith, ‘Marry the one who is loving means the one who loves her husband; and the one who is fertile is the one who bears a lot of children.” {Awnul Mabud 6/33}

abcOh boy… I am going to do it again. I am opening the can of worms. Lighting a match in a dry forest. Shouting fire in a crowded theatre. Opening the floodgates. I am going to talk about something that will cause another round of Facebook unfriending, painful insults, and lots of people disagreeing with me. But as a man, a Muslim, and a chronically outspoken human being, I have to speak up. I have a platform – and I must use it. It is my moral responsibility to utilise my platform to speak up for those without such a public voice. I want to talk about… **takes deep breath**… ‘Working Mothers and their Responsibilities.’

“Most children are corrupted (and led to failure) because of their parents.” Ibn Qayyim RH, Tuhfatul Maudud bi-Ahkamil Maulud (p. 80)

By this point, some of you (especially those who know me “well”) will be thinking, “Oh God! What on earth is he going to say?” And others (who also know me, personally) will be thinking, “How can he talk about that issue? He doesn’t have kids!” Yes, what gives me the audacity to speak about such a topic, when I don’t have children? I actually thought about the same thing a few days ago, before writing this piece. I don’t know how long this article is going to be, simply because the whole thing has been going around my head for a long time. I wouldn’t be lying if I said a decade!

Just because I don’t have children, that doesn’t mean I don’t know anything ‘about’ children. I have taught children in a Primary School, and in a Madrasah setting for many years. And still offer tuition for teenagers in various subjects, as well as teaching Muslim youngsters Tafsir and Seerah. Which (hopefully) justifies my position, in writing this article. As I have understood and realised some of the causes and grounds why our youth are spiralling downwards.

You see I always wanted someone else to write it, I shall be totally honest. In particular – a female. And before writing it I scanned the web to see how much has already been written on the topic, especially by Muslims. I found a LOT of articles supporting the idea of working mothers, very few against it. I have a large extensive library (Alhumdu Lillah), I buy books on everything; things which are relevant and irrelevant, stuff that I need and don’t need (may need in future). So I searched how many books I had if any on ‘tarbiyyah/upbringing children, good mothers’ etc. I had a few on ‘tarbiyyah’, which contained sections on working mums, and others just generally in the early years with a child. But nothing extensive on working mothers, does it really work, the pros and cons.

This article below was written the day I started writing this blog believe it or not:

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-30342/Working-mothers-risk-damaging-childs-prospects.html

*A sign from Allah, perhaps?*

Silhouette of depressive man

Like I said, I wanted to write this piece many moons ago. But what recently triggered me to put pen to paper is the statistic below:

“25% of Women in the UK suffer from depression.” (NHS Stats)

Mental health problems affect both men and women, but not in equal measure.

“In England, women are more likely than men to have a common mental health problem.”

McManus, S., Meltzer, H., Brugha, T., Bebbington, P., & Jenkins, R. (eds) (2009). Adult Psychiatric Morbidity in England 2007: results of a household survey. NHS Information Centre for Health and Social Care. [online] Available at: http://www.hscic.gov.uk/catalogue/PUB02931/adul-psyc-morb-res-housur-eng-2007-rep.pdf [Accessed 25 August 2015].

“And are almost twice as likely to be diagnosed with anxiety disorders.”

Martin-Merino, E., Ruigomez, A., Wallander, M., Johansson, S. and GarciaRodriguez, L. (2009). Prevalence, incidence, morbidity and treatment patterns in a cohort of patients diagnosed with anxiety in UK primary care. Family Practice, 27(1), pp.9-16.

“10% of mothers and 6% of fathers in the UK have mental health problems at any given time.”

Parker, G., et al. (2008). Technical Report for SCIE Research Review on the Prevalence and Incidence of Parental Mental Health Problems and the Detection, Screening and Reporting of Parental Mental Health Problems. [online] York: Social Policy Research Unit, University of York. Available at: http://www.york.ac.uk/inst/spru/research/pdf/SCIEReview1.pdf [Accessed 14 Sep. 2015].

When I tried to read further, I also came across this:

http://www.theguardian.com/society/2013/jun/19/anxiety-depression-office-national-statistics

Nearly a fifth of adults in the UK experience anxiety or depression, according to the latest official figures.

The Office for National Statistics (ONS) said a higher proportion of women than men reported that they suffered from the conditions, with the highest indication of anxiety or depression occurring in the 50-54 age group.

There was evidence of anxiety or depression in 19% of people aged 16 or over, with 21% of women reporting the symptoms and 16% of men.

Also, see below: http://www.prisonreformtrust.org.uk/projectsresearch/mentalhealth

10% of men and 30% of women have had a previous psychiatric admission before they entered prison. A more recent study found that 25% of women and 15% of men in prison reported symptoms indicative of psychosis. The rate among the general public is about 4%.

26% of women and 16% of men said they had received treatment for a mental health problem in the year before custody.

And finally, more about depression: http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-23553897

My point from all of the above is to give the readers the gist of what percentage of people in the UK suffer from anxiety, depression and stress. And more importantly what proportion are men and women.

So the million dollar question is “WHY?” In such a developed country, or in the West in general, why do we see more people suffering from depression in particularly women? Well, as this article is being written to ‘help’ women I will add the site below for reference:

http://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/publications/depression-in-women/index.shtml

Depression is not “one size fits all,” particularly when it comes to the genders. Not only are women more prone to depression than men, but the causes of female depression and even the pattern of symptoms are often different. Many factors contribute to the unique picture of depression in women—from reproductive hormones to social pressures to the female response to stress. Learning about these factors can help you minimize your risk of depression and treat it more effectively.

Figures for the lifetime prevalence of depression vary according to the criteria used to define depression. Using DSM-IV’s criteria for ‘major depressive disorder’ which are similar to the ICD-10 criteria for ‘moderate depression’, the lifetime prevalence of depression is about 15 percent and the point prevalence about 5 percent. This means that an average person has about a one in seven (15 percent) chance of developing depression in the course of his or her lifetime, and about a 1 in 20 (5 percent) chance of suffering from it at this very point in time.

However, these figures mask a very uneven gender distribution as depression is about twice as common in women than in men. The reasons for this uneven gender distribution are not entirely clear but are thought to be partly biological, partly psychological, and partly sociocultural.

Biological explanations Compared to men, women may have a stronger genetic predisposition to developing depression. Compared to men, women are much more subjected to fluctuating hormone levels. This is especially the case around the time of childbirth and at the menopause, both of which are associated with an increased risk of developing depression.

Psychological explanations Women are more ruminative than men, that is, they tend to think about things more—which, though a very good thing, may also predispose them to develop depression. In contrast, men are more likely to react to difficult times with stoicicism, anger, or substance misuse. Women are generally more invested in relationships than men. Relationship problems are likely to affect them more, and so they are more likely to develop depression.

Sociocultural explanations Women come under more stress than men. Not only do they have to go work just like men, but they may also be expected to bear the brunt of maintaining a home, bringing up children, caring for older relatives, and putting up with all the sexism!   Women live longer than men. Extreme old age is often associated with bereavement, loneliness, poor physical health, and precarity—and so with depression. Women are more likely to seek out a diagnosis of depression. They are more likely to consult a physician and more likely to discuss their feelings with the physician. Conversely, physicians (whether male or female) may be more likely to make a diagnosis of depression in a woman. Perhaps you can think of some other reasons why depression is twice as common in women than in men, in which case please do let me know!

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/hide-and-seek/201205/the-7-reasons-why-depression-is-more-common-in-women

1280x240-Homeworking-Hub-Image-1280x240Some of you at this point are thinking, what does all this has to do with the title and Mothers working. The aim of this article is to help women, not have a go at them, nor give them a blasting. It is to help them understand what they really need to do and what they should be doing. Where their priorities lie. I am not in a position to say this, but I don’t think most women understand. As humans, men and women, we are like sheep and just follow the trend. And women, in particular, are suffering from stress and depression because society demands too much from them I believe. Where they should have been placed and what their primary roles were, has been lost and disillusioned.

When you sit down to reflect on what your vision is for your life, how do you know that the vision you’ve chosen is, in fact, the right one? Is it by the level of happiness you are convinced that your vision is achieved, would give you? Or is it the fame and attention you know you’ll attain if you fulfilled it? It would be a shame if you spent years going up the ladder of life, only to find that the ladder was leaning against the wrong wall. Imagine if after all the effort you had exerted you found yourself on the Day of Judgment wishing you’d spent all that time and energy pursuing a different vision on Earth, one that would have given you a higher status in the hereafter which, after all, will last forever. On the Day of Judgment, things will become very clear to us in the starkest of ways. We will see reality as it truly is and realize how short was the opportunity that we had on Earth as the following hadith clearly illustrates:

Anas ibn Malik narrates that the messenger of Allah ﷺ  said, “The most affluent of the people in this world, of those who will go to Hell, will be brought on the Day of Resurrection and dipped once in the Fire. Then it will be said: O son of Adam, did you ever see anything good? Did you ever have any pleasure? He will say: No, by Allah, O Lord. Then the most destitute of the people in this world, of those who will enter Paradise, will be brought and dipped once in Paradise, and it will be said to him: O son of Adam, did you ever see anything bad? Did you ever experience any hardship? He will say: No, by Allah, O Lord. I never saw anything bad and I never experienced any hardship.” (Sahih Muslim)

Let us look at marriage…

In comparison to other countries, couples in the UK are rather old when they decide to get married. The average age that men in the UK get married is 30.8 and the average age to get married for women is 28.9 years.

Yes, besides the fact that a lot fewer people are getting married than for instance 30 years ago, the age at which people are marrying has increased quite a bit. The average age for getting married 30 years ago was about 24 years (about 23 years for women and about 25 years for men). That’s about 6 years earlier than the current average age.

The average age that people get married is dependent on a couple of factors, such as religion, culture and the level of development of the country where they live. In countries such as India and Pakistan, it is common that the parents of the bride and groom arrange the wedding. Therefore the average age of getting married in these countries is only 17 years old. In Scandinavian countries, it is more common to get married at a later age. In Denmark the average age people get married is almost 31 years old. Also in Sweden, Finland and Norway, the average age to get married is well above 30 years old.

So we can see that in Europe and the West, people tend to get married later. This again is due to the pressure from social norms and culture. E.g. getting a degree, building a career, having a job etc. All of which there is no harm in doing. But women need to understand, Islam does allow you to seek knowledge and education. Islam does allow you to work and earn for yourself. But the greatest virtue for a woman in Islam is being a good mother and a pious wife. Already, some of you will think I am backward or old-fashioned, not with the times and not up to date. False. There is no need for us to be sheep and follow society. If we really and truly follow Islam, then let us see what Allah says in the Qur’an and Hadith about women and their roles. Every woman praised in the Qur’an, namely Asiyah (Radhi Allahu Anha) – the wife of Pharoah and Maryam (Radhi Allahu Anha) the mother of Eesa (Alayhis Salam) were praised for being good wives and mothers.

“And Allah has set forth an example for those who believe, the wife of Pharaoh when she said: “My Lord! Build for me a home with You in Paradise, and save me from Pharaoh and his work, and save me from the people who are oppressors. And Maryam (Mary), the daughter of ‘Imran who guarded her chastity; and We breathed into her through Our spirit (Gabriel), and she testified to the truth of the words of her Lord and His Scriptures, and she was of the obedient.” [66:11-12]

The Prophet’s Companion Abu Musa Al-Ash’ari narrates that the Prophet (peace be upon him) described the status of these two women by saying, “Many amongst men attained perfection but amongst women, none attained perfection except Maryam (Mary), the daughter of ‘Imran, and Asiya, the wife of Pharaoh. And the superiority of Aishah to other women is like the superiority of tharid (a dish) to other meals.” (Bukhari)

People also talk a LOT about Khadijah (Radhi Allahu Anha), and how she was a businesswoman. No doubt about it! She was one of the richest women in Makkah. But, after marriage, she handed the business to the Prophet (Sallallahu Alayhi Wasallam). She (Radhi Allahu Anha) then had six children with the Prophet (Sallallahu Alayhi Wasallam). When the Prophet (Sallallahu Alayhi Wasallam) would meditate in the Cave of Hira, Khadijah (Radhi Allahu Anha) would walk from Makkah to Jabal Alnoor (Mount of Noor), then climb up to the Cave of Hira, twice a day to deliver the Prophet’s  (Sallallahu Alayhi Wasallam) food. Let us look at both sides of the coin, not just the fact she was a businesswoman. She was a mother to the children of the Prophet (Sallallahu Alayhi Wasallam), and what a great mother she was. Also, she was an amazing support to the Prophet  (Sallallahu Alayhi Wasallam).working-from-home-jobs

Being a mother is not an easy task, right from the moment of pregnancy, till labour, till breastfeeding, then the early years. I will try to outline some of the most important duties of mothers and how much neglect we see in the Ummah today. It is not as easy as sending our children to nurseries for someone else, strangers, to nurture our children. Babies need their mothers. There are many things women need to consider before they just dump, yes ‘dump’ children. It may not be neglect in the eyes of the law, but certainly is in my eyes and possibly in the eyes of Allah SWT.

Narrated ‘Abdullah bin ‘Umar: The Messenger of Allah (ﷺ) as saying: “Each of you is a shepherd and each of you is responsible for his flock. The amir (ruler) who is over the people is a shepherd and is responsible for his flock; a man is a shepherd in charge of the inhabitants of his household and he is responsible for his flock; a woman is a shepherdess in charge of her husband’s house and children and she is responsible for them; and a man’s slave is a shepherd in charge of his master’s property and he is responsible for it. So each of you is a shepherd and each of you is responsible for his flock.” (Abu Dawud)

 

A contented, confident and well-adjusted child does not come about by accident but is the result of hard work mainly on the part of the parents. It is not enough to send our children to nursery and expect teachers to do our job for us. Primary education comes from the home environment and the first best teachers, are parents themselves. As Muslim parents in a non-Muslim society, we have to work hard to ensure that Islam is the focus of our parenting efforts.

The pre-school years are the most important and rapid of development, so this is the golden opportunity for us to nurture our children and help them on the path to becoming good Muslims of the future. It is a grave mistake to think that children are too young to learn or understand their surroundings. In fact, the opposite is true; the younger the child, the faster they can absorb information. A lack of varied stimuli and unsettled emotional surroundings are major factors in disruptive behaviour. We all want the best for our children, but often either do not know where to start or cannot find the time to implement our intentions. Remember, as parents, you will play a central role throughout your child’s life, but more especially during the formative years when there are fewer external influences.

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/women/womens-business/10214544/The-five-pros-and-cons-of-being-a-working-mother.html

Cons of being a working mother:

  1. Tiredness. There are no words to describe what it is like doing a 10-hour working day with a long commute when you’ve been up half the night with a teething toddler or a hungry baby
  2. When you can hear your child still crying and shouting ‘mama’ as you’re halfway out of the driveway
  3. Missing out – first words, first steps, playdates and classes
  4. Rushing home from work ‘early’ to put toddler girl to bed only to find she fell asleep 10 minutes before you got home
  5. Managing the expectations of colleagues who just don’t get it

http://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2015/jan/01/mothers-work-children-school-survey

Siobhan Freegard, the co-founder of Netmums, said the needs of young teenagers often takes parents by surprise: “The truth is that the older your children get, the more they need you emotionally. Once they get to secondary school, they also need a great deal of help to organise all the homework and other academic demands they’re suddenly faced with.”

Those surveyed admitted feeling uncomfortable with their choice to give up work with 60% saying they feel embarrassed by the expectation that parents will work more, not less, when their child reaches school-age. Almost 40% said they are made to feel they are “setting a poor example to their child” by not working. Just 20% said they felt their choice meant they were seen as a better parent.

Freegard said: “Mothers – and it usually is mothers – have been trying and failing to talk about this issue for ages. It’s a hidden topic.”

MUST READ: https://www.tes.com/news/school-news/breaking-views/i-have-marked-my-daughter-crying-my-feet-because-there-are-deadlines 

In the United States today, more than half of mothers with young children work, compared to about one third in the 1970s. Working mothers are now the rule rather than the exception. Women have been moving into the workforce not only for career satisfaction but also because they and their families need the income.

Even when there are no problems, however, a two-career family has to deal with issues that do not come up in other families. Parents may feel so divided between family and career that they have little time for a social life or each other. Both parents need to share household and childcare responsibilities so that one will not end up doing most of the work and feeling resentful. Parents will lose an average of about ten work days per year due to the need to tend to a sick child, to care for their child when child care arrangements have broken down, or to take their child to necessary appointments.

So mothers really need to think twice before they resume work after having a child. We often hear the word “necessity” used. ‘I need to work’. Necessity is an abused term, we need to look carefully at what is a necessity. Wanting a luxurious lifestyle isn’t; fabulous car, large extended house, expensive getaways every year. If that is what you want, then sacrifice the welfare of your children for the above – harsh, but true. Your children don’t need holidays nor expensive presents. We look around today, parents have given their children every gadget, toy, doll, bike and game they can imagine having. But, have they given their children sufficient love and care and attention. Nobody said bringing up children was an easy task, nobody said women cannot work *full stop*. But it is different once you have children, you need to understand where your priorities lie, it is with your children. Don’t follow society, don’t follow the women in the magazine, because you deserve better and so do your children. This is a sincere plea from a brother of yours.

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/2016/07/07/the-chart-that-shows-how-feminism-is-ruining-womens-lives/

In conclusion, I say that the best role, the most honourable and worthy role for a woman is striving to be a fine wife, a good mother, or both. This role does not only secure the best for a woman in the hereafter but also fits perfectly with her natural disposition. In her study published by Centre for Policy Studies in 2009, Cristina Odone, former deputy editor of The New Statesman (1998-2004) concluded that “far from being committed to a career, the overwhelming majority of women would prefer to opt out of it. Instead of finding satisfaction in full-time work, most women realise themselves in their other roles as carers, partners, community members, and above all mothers”. Furthermore, McIntosh and Bauer concluded that working women are “often felt overwhelmed and unable to keep up with their job and family responsibilities”. They added that “the working mother felt she had two full-time jobs.”  {A thesis presented in partial fulfilment of the requirements for an MEd in the graduate school of Marietta College titled, “Working Mothers Vs Stay At Home Mothers: The Impact on Children.}

I ask our sisters in Islam to embrace their true role in society and reap the huge rewards that Allah has in store for them for fulfilling this role. I ask our brothers to support them in fulfilling this role. When we define a vision for our lives, we are seeking to make a contribution and leave a legacy. Your legacy, sisters is that if you take on the role that Allah has ordained for you, then you will positively affect the future of the Muslim ummah and ultimately the future of the world. That is a legacy beyond measure.

http://uswatulmuslimah.co.za/womens-issues/qaa/748-can-women-work.html

Please see Fatwa above

NB: I am not a sexist or a chauvinist. These are my sincere views for many sisters who seemed to have lost direction and guidance. If there is anything against Islam in this article which is explicit in Qur’an and Hadith, please state the evidence below. I shall happily retract my opinions. I understand many will disagree and disregard this article.

Allah knows best, to Him we turn and seek the truth.

Ismail Ibn Nazir Satia (One who is in dire need of Allah’s Forgiveness, Mercy and Pleasure)

16 Jamadul Akhar 1436