Understanding Tazkiyah

بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم

By Shaykh-ul-Hadīth, Hadrat Mawlānā Muhammad Saleem Dhorat hafizahullāh

The Four Parts of Dīn

The sole objective of our lives is to acquire the Pleasure of Allāh ta‘ālā, which can only be achieved by following the whole Dīn. The whole Dīn can be categorised into four parts:

1.   External actions, which comprise of:

a.  Performing good actions e.g. Salāh;

b.  Refraining from sinful actions e.g. backbiting.

2.   Internal qualities, which comprise of:

a.  Purifying the heart from debasing qualities e.g. pride;

b.  Adorning the heart with praiseworthy traits e.g. humbleness.

Allāh ta‘ālā has laid down commands relating to both the external and the internal aspects of Dīn. In both, there are Do’s and Don’ts. For example, performing Salāh, giving Zakāh, fasting and performing Hajj are external actions which must be carried out; whilst causing physical harm, stealing and consuming harām are external actions which must be avoided. Similarly, jealousy, malice and pride are debasing qualities of the heart which are prohibited; whilst Shukr (being grateful to Allāh ta‘ālā) and Sabr (patience) and humbleness are praiseworthy qualities with which every Muslim should strive to adorn his heart.

We can therefore conclude that our duties as Muslims are: to carry out good actions; to refrain from sinful actions; to purify the heart from debasing qualities; and to adorn the heart with praiseworthy qualities. All four are termed as Al-A‘māl As-Sālihah (good deeds) and our success lies in carrying them out. Allāh ta‘ālā states:

Verily those who believe and do good deeds, for them shall be gardens beneath which rivers flow. That is the great success. (85:11)

Tazkiyah and its Importance

The process of removing the debasing qualities from the heart and adorning it with the praiseworthy qualities is known as Tazkiyah (soul purification). Through Tazkiyah a person first begins to recognise the shortcomings in his inner traits, such as the existence of pride and miserliness. As a result, he is able to exert effort and replace them with praiseworthy qualities such as humbleness and generosity. Allāh ta‘ālā has emphasised the importance of Tazkiyah in the Glorious Qur’ān by taking oath of seven different things before stating:

Undoubtedly, the one who purified it (the soul) has succeeded and the one who soiled it (through kufr, shirk, sin) has certainly failed. (91:9-10)

‘Ilm and Tazkiy

In order to understand the Commands of Allāh ta‘ālā and to carry them out, it is necessary to acquire ‘ilm. Through ‘ilm, we will be able to understand what we are required to do in every situation. Regarding the external actions for example, ‘ilm is required to understand the pre-requisites of Salāh as well as all the necessary aspects within Salāh. Similar is the case for the inner qualities; a person will require ‘ilm to understand which qualities are prohibited and the consequences of having such qualities. For example, our beloved Nabī sallallāhu ‘alayhi wasallam has informed us that a person with pride equivalent to a mustard seed in his heart will not enter Jannah (without first going in Jahannam). (Abū Dāwūd, At-Tirmidhī, Ibn Mājah).

However, without Tazkiyah ‘ilm is not beneficial, as we find that a person has ‘ilm but is unable to practice according to it despite having the desire to do so. For example, a person is aware that offering Fajr Salāh is compulsory, but is unable to leave his bed and go to the masjid.  Similarly, despite being aware that sinful glances are not permissible, he is unable to control the gaze from lustful glances. The reason for this is a lack of spiritual stamina to carry out the Commands of Allāh ta‘ālā. Through the process of Tazkiyah, a person purifies his heart from debasing qualities and as a result gains the spiritual stamina required to fulfil all the external actions Commands of Allāh ta‘ālā.

External Actions Hold No Value without Tazkiyah

Another important point to understand is that without purifying the heart, despite carrying out the external actions of Dīn, they may not be accepted in the Court of Allāh ta‘ālā. This is because a corrupt heart could lead to a person performing deeds with the wrong intention. For example, if a person performs a good action with the intention of acquiring fame, he will gain no reward whatsoever, rather he will be answerable in the Court of Allāh ta‘ālā. Even though outwardly his action may appear perfect and in accordance with the Commands of Allāh ta‘ālā and the Sunnah of Nabī sallallāhu ‘alayhi wasallam, due to his insincerity his action will yield no benefit.

The importance of a purified heart has been explained by Nabī sallallāhu ‘alayhi wasallam in a hadīth:

Indeed there is a piece of flesh in the body; if it is sound, then the whole body will be sound and if it is corrupt then the whole body will be corrupt. Indeed it is the heart. (Al-Bukhārī)

Tazkiyah: The Key to Practising the Whole Dīn

From the above, it is clear that Tazkiyah is the path that leads to the reformation of the heart, providing the spiritual stamina required for external actions; and making them perfect and worthy of acceptance.  Having understood the importance of Tazkiyah, the question arises as to how it can be achieved. For this, read and study ‘The Path to Purification’, published by At-Tazkiyah. 

Let us recognise the importance of Tazkiyah and exert effort towards its acquisition, so that we may practice the whole Dīn and acquire the eternal bliss of the Hereafter.

© Riyādul Jannah (Vol. 26 No. 11/12, Nov/Dec 2017)


We are witnessing an era where Islām, in spite of its vastness and applicability in every sphere of the human life, has been confined to mere beliefs and a handful of rituals. As with some other important obligations of Islām, the obligation of ensuring the correct procedures in the field of inheritance has also been subjected to gross disregard and outright neglect. In fact, this section of Dīn can be said to be the most neglected one among all. Seeing such state of affairs, the respected Shaykh hafizahullāh embarked on the task of acquainting the Muslims on the importance of this vital duty. The lectures delivered proved to be highly informative and beneficial, but only to a limited audience. In order to extend the benefits to a larger part of the Ummah, it was decided that two of these lectures be selected and published in booklet form.

A few topics mentioned in the booklet are as follows:

• Equality in inheritance
• What can be drawn from the estate
• The importance of drawing up a will
• Causes of incorrect wills
• Criteria for wasiyyah (bequest)
• What to do following a death
• Common errors and customs

To order the above book or for details of our other publications, please email info@idauk.org or call 0116 262 5440.


• Please forward this message on to all your contacts

Advertisements

Where are you from?

بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم

indiaI am not Surti nor Bharuchi,

I am not Indian nor Pakistani,
I am just a simple Muslim trying to live fairly,
Trying to promote justice, love and equality.
They call us backwards and say our children are low class,
Because I am not from their gOm and proud not to be part of their snobby upper class.
It hurts when they say ‘we are better than you,’
I’ve smelt their narcissism their pride and the way they cuss too.
Wasn’t that also said by Shaytan?
Remember, it doesn’t matter if you are a Patel or if you are a Khan!
You hold your noses high, nearly reaching the sky,
Through your pride, you can lie, but you can also wave Jannah goodbye.
You claim that our kids are chavs and like riff-raff,
Don’t forget we are all slaves made from clay, maybe you find that a bit naff?
You hold your children like trophies 🏆,
At the same time indoctrinating in them racist stories.
“Surtis are stingy” and “Pakistanis are ignorant?”
There’s no point arguing when you people are soo defiant.
You live your life spreading all this hate,
Even though you know it’s wrong and it’s not up for debate!
My eyes are open wide,
The truth is bitter, it’s something you can’t hide.
Truly educated men can never be racist,
Education is to drive what is within,
Are we not all the same under the skin?
I have a heart ❤ and yes, I do care,
But the world is just soo racist and soo unfair.
It is rare to find people who are true and modest,
I’ll pay you if you find me someone who is clean hearted and honest.
Soften your hearts before your children marry,
You never know how your son in law could be from “the enemy.”
You claim you are better because your schools are “outstanding”,
You think too much of yourselves with your labelling and branding.
We can’t criticise you because you just think we’re all jealous,
I sometimes think maybe you’re all a bit overzealous?
These schools are not god and won’t guarantee you paradise,
Take heed and listen to my precious advice.
Else due to your arrogance in Hell, you will pay the heavy price,
Even you know that won’t be very nice.
This poem was written to highlight and illustrate how some of us look down on others, because of their background. How some people think highly of themselves because of the schools their children attend. How some people cannot accept criticism against their own people or own villagers. How arrogant and racist certain Gujaratis are.
Ismail ibn Nazir Satia (one who is in dire need of Allah’s forgiveness, mercy and pleasure)

نصيحة لأهل القرآن – Advice to the people of Qur’an 

بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم

بقلم الدكتور أيمن رشدي سويد
By Dr Ayman Rushdi Swaid1428852487528[1]
قال تعالى :
” يُؤفك عنه مَن أُفك “
أي يُصرف عن القرآن مَن صرفه الله عقوبةً له بسبب ذنوبه وإعراضه عن الله..
Allah (SWT) says: “ Deluded away from the Qur’an is he who is deluded” (al-thariyat, verse 9)
Meaning that one’s sins will stand between them and the Qur’an; as a block which will result in their distance from the Qur’an…
ياإخوتي …:
My dear brothers and sisters…
من لم يبدأ بحفظ القرآن فليبدأ!
ومن أهمل مراجعته فليستدرِك!
ومن لم يكن له ورد من القرآن فليحرص عليه!
ولتصبر و لتُصابر…
If you haven’t started memorising Qur’an; then start…
And if you’ve neglected its revision; come back…
And if you don’t have a daily Qur’an word (time slot just for the Qur’an in the day); then make one…
And be patient and persevere…
فإنّ لحفظ القُرآن و ضبطهِ وتلاوته آناء الليل وأطراف النهار لذّة تُنسيك تعب المُجاهدة.
اهرب من زحمة انشغالك
واختطف دقائق من وقتك…
قم من نومك …
لعلك تلحق بركب الأوابين
وتنعم بلذة العابدين
واسجد واقترب.
There is sweetness for those who memorise it, understand it and recite it day and night…a sweetness that makes you forget the bitterness and tiredness of this world…
Run away from the busy-ness of your life; and secure minutes from your time… get up from your sleep…maybe you become from the Awabeen…and indulge in the blessing that the worshippers indulge in … and prostrate to Him (SWT), and become near…
اجعل لنفسك…
ورداً من القرآن…
لا تتركه مهما كان ..!
Create for yourself a time… everyday…that you won’t compromise for the Qur’an no matter what happens…
من بركة القرآن أن الله يبارك في عقل قارئه وحفظه.
From the barakah of the Qur’an is that Allah puts barakah in the minds of those who memorise and recite it…
أوصى الإمام إبراهيم المقدسي تلميذه عباس بن عبد الدايم رحمهم الله :
“أكثر من قراءة القرآن ولا تتركه، فإنه يتيسر لك الذي تطلبه على قدر ما تقرأ”.
Imam Ibrahim al Maqdisi advises his student Abbas saying; “increase in your recitation of the Qur’an and never leave it; because your ease in life and seeking of what you desire is directly related to how much you recite”
قال شيخ الإسلام :
( ما رأيت شيئا يغذّي العقل والروح ويحفظ الجسم ويضمن السعادة أكثر من إدامة النظر في كتاب الله تعالى! ).
Ibn Taymiyah RH said:
“I’ve never come across anything that feeds the mind and soul, protects the physical body and provides happiness as much as the lengthened looking in the book of Allah (meaning committed reciting)”
لا تنشغل عن وردك ،
فوالله لهوَ مصدر البركة في يومك إن أخلصت النية لله.
Don’t ever be busy from your daily Qur’an word; by Allah, it is the source of goodness and blessing in your day if your intentions were sincere…
اللهم إنا نسألك أن تلزم قلوبنا حفظ كتابك ،
وترزقنا أن نتلوه ونتدبره على الوجه الذي يرضيك عنا…..
ونعمل به
We ask you, Allah, to guide our hearts to memorise your book, and to bless us with reciting and understanding it in the way that Pleases you… and to live by it…

Are you an Alimah?

بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم

hadeethThe original ‘Ālimiyyah degrees have slowly become so watered down over the years that even those who haven’t been through such programmes feel prepared to offer it now. It went from 8 years full time, to seven years by summarizing the six books of hadith into one year instead of two, then to 6 years by dropping the six books altogether or incorporating them over the six years, then to 5 years by incorporating the Arabic into the curriculum instead of it being part of a preparatory curriculum, then to 5 years part-time, then to 4 years to match the conventional degrees, then to 4 years part-time to accommodate people’s busy schedules, and now to 6 weekends a year for three years.
To call such programs “ ‘Ālimiyyah Degrees ” is obnoxious, extremely misleading, and perhaps even sinful when considering the outcomes.
The ‘Ālimiyyah degrees that follow the Dars-E-Niẓāmī curriculum properly or a comparable curriculum, and not just claim that they do, produce very promising results if all needed factors are in place. There is no such thing as a 5-year, a 4-year, or a 3-year, part-time, over the weekend, quick fix, equivalent to the heavyweight 7 or 8-year ‘Ālimiyyah programme. Just as there is no summertime equivalent to the 7-8 year extended term of study in global centres of Islamic knowledge, such as Riyadh, Cairo, Madīnah, Makkah, Amman, Istanbul or…
Likewise, there is no online equivalent to sit before the heirs of the Messenger ﷺ. Sometimes I think to myself that perhaps the Messenger ﷺ said, “Whoever treads a path to seek knowledge, Allah will make a path to Paradise easy for him,” because he knew that people will slowly but surely stop *treading the path of knowledge* and instead sit by computer screens thinking that this is sufficient.
If you want true knowledge, don’t buy into the marketing gimmicks. Benefit from the opportunities you have around you if your situation doesn’t permit you to commit your life to knowledge, but know full well that much of what I described above is just marketing gimmicks, and it is not the full deal, and in many cases not even half of the full deal.
—  Shaykh Abdul Wahab Saleem

Not bothered!

Once upon a time, there was a boy called Ahmed.
Ahmed was never bothered 😕
He would wake up in the morning after brushing his teeth, whether he wore black or white he wasn’t bothered 😕
He had breakfast, two toast. Whether he had jam or butter he wasn’t bothered 😕
He walked to school or caught the bus 🚌 he wasn’t bothered 😕
Whether he was late or on time he wasn’t bothered  😕
He looks at the weather, whether it was the sun or rain he wasn’t bothered 😕
Lunchtime comes! Whether he has sandwiches or chips 🍟 he wasn’t bothered 😕
Hometime he runs home, smiling or crying, he wasn’t bothered 😕
“How was school?” It was okayyyyy. I don’t careeeee. He wasn’t bothered 😕
He gets ready for Madrasah with a cookie in his mouth. Learning sabaq, one page or half a page he wasn’t bothered 😕
He comes to Madrasah with a smile sits down and says I don’t know my sabaq!! Teacher says stand up! “Stand or sit I’m not bothered” 😕
He goes home and runs to bed. He thinks, “I’m just nottt botheredddd!!”
This was written to show how laid back some children are. How ungrateful children can be sometimes. I am sure many parents can relate to this.
Ismail Ibn Nazir Satia

Fear of Salaf from the temptation posed by women

بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم

Fear of Salaf from the temptation posed by women: Their piety and fear of Allah made them really scared of women.
IMG_0398 (1)Maymoon Ibn Mehran says RH: “Being entrusted to look after Baytul Maal (treasures of the whole country),  would be easier for me than being told to look after a woman” (siyar a’alam 5/77)
Ataa said: “If I was entrusted with the treasury I would prove to be a trustworthy person, however, I wouldn’t trust my ego with a woman even if she was not good looking” (Siyar 5/85)
Saeed Ibn al Musayyib says: “Whenever satan loses hope from deviating someone, he approaches them from the women’s side.
Then Saeed said while he was 84, one of his eyes had gone, and the other eye was watery: “The thing that scares me most is (looking at) women.” (Siyar 5/285)
Ibn Umar radiallahu anhu says: “It is part of the people abandoning the trust that they peep inside rooms and houses.”
Salman Farsi radiallahu anhu says: “To die and then be resurrected then die again and be resurrected, then die again and be resurrected would be easier than looking at the satr (private) of someone or that someone looks at my satr.”
Humayd Ibn Hilal says: “Among us, there was a man named Aswad Ibn Kulthum. When he would walk, his gaze would never exceed his feet. There were some chambers of a palace along the way, in which there would be some women who would have removed their headgear or part of their clothes. When he would be approaching, they would feel scared and rush to cover themselves, then they would say ‘Oh! It’s only Aswad Ibn Kulthum!'”
One of the saliheen was asked: “Where should we search for you in the hereafter?” He replied: “Among those who will be looking at Allah swt” They asked: “How can you be so certain about that?” He replied: ” Because I used to lower my gaze from forbidden stuff in the world and because I used to refrain from all sins and indecencies” (Lataaif 299)
Wakee’ RH says: “We came out with Sufyan Thawri on the day of Eid. He said: “The first thing we do today is keeping our eyes low.”
Hassan Ibn Abi Sinaan RH went out for Eid. When he returned, his wife kept pestering him “How many beautiful women did you stare at today?” When she dragged it too much, he replied “Woe unto you! Since I left home and until I returned, my eyes never moved from my toes”
Alaa Ibn Ziyad RH says: “Don’t stare at even the upper garment of a woman, because staring incites desire into the heart.”
Ibrahim Ibn Ad’ham said, “Always looking at unlawful things, takes away the recognition of Haq from the heart.”
💧خوف السلف من فتنة النساء💧
فعن أبي المليح سمعت ميمونا – أي بن مهران – يقول :
” لأن أوتمن على بيت مال أحب إلي من أن أوتمن على إمرأة ”.
📚  سير أعلام النبلاء (5/77)
و عن عطاء قال :
” لو ائتمنت على بيت مال لكنت أمينا ولا آمن نفسي على أمة شوهاء ”، قلت – أي الإمام الذهبي – : ” صدق رحمه الله”.
المصدر السابق (5/ 87-88)
و ذكر الإمام الذهبي أيضاً :
”عن سفيان بن عيينة ،عن علي بن زيد، عن سعيد بن المسِّيب، قال : ما أيِسَ الشيطان مِنْ شيء إلا أتاه مِن قِبَل النساء .
ثم قال لنا سعيد ـ وهو ابن أربع وثمانين سنة وقد ذهبت إحدى عينيه وهو يعشو بالأخرى :ما شيء أخوف عندي من النساء”.
المصدر السابق (4/237)
و ذكر أيضا : ” عن سلَّام بن مسكين :حدثنا عمران بن عبد الله الخزاعي قال: قال سعيد بن المسِّيب: ما خِفْتُ على نفسي شيئاً مخافةَ النساء ،قالوا: يا أبا محمد! إن مثلك لا يُريدُ النساء ،ولا تُريدُهُ النساء ، فقال: هو ما أقول لكم. وكان شيخاً كبيراً أعمش.
المصدر السابق (4/241)
عن أنس – رضي الله عنه – قال :
إذا مرت بك مرأة فغمض عينيك حتى تجاوزك .
📚 (الورع لابن ابي الدنيا /72).
عن إبن عمر – رضي الله عنه – قال :
من تضييع الأمانة النظر في الحجرات و الدور .
📚 (الورع لابن ابي الدنيا /71).
عن قيس إبن الحارث قال : قال سلمان –رضي الله عنه – :
لأن أموت ثم أنشر ثم أموت ثم أنشر ثم أموت ثم أنشر أحب إلي من أن أرى عورة مسلم أو ـن يراها مني .
📚 (الزهد لأحمد /192)
عن حميد بن هلال قال كان منا رجل يقال له الأسود بن كلثوم و كان إذا مشى لا يجاوز بصره قدمه و كان يمر وفي الجدر يومئذ قِصرٌ و هناك نسوة ولعل إحداهن تكون واضعة يعني ثوبها أو خمارها فإذا رأينه راعهن ثم يقلن : كلا إنه أسود بن كلثوم.
📚 (الزهد لأحمد /256).
قال حاتم :
الشهوة ثلاث شهوات : شهوة في الأكل ، وشهوة في الكلام ، وشهوة في النظر ، فاحفظ الأكل بالثقة ، واللسان بالصدق ، والنظر بالعبرة .
📚  (شعب الأيمان للبيهقي 5/5712).
قيل لبعضهم : أين نطلبك في الآخرة ؟ قال :
في زمرة الناظرين إلى الله ، قيل له كيف علمت ذلك ؟ قال بغضي طرفي له عن كل محرم ، و باجتنابي فيه كل منكر و مأثم .
📚 (لطائف المعارف /299).
عن وكيع قال :
خرجنا  مع سفيان الثوري في يوم عيد فقال : إن أول ما نبدأ به في يومنا غض ابصارنا.
📚 (الورع لابن أبي الدنيا/66).

Love Notes – Part 2

بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم

Opinions on Marriage

  1. Marriage will make me a better Muslim
  2. Marriage will protect me from falling into fitnah and haram
  3. Marriage will make me live happily ever after
  4. In marriage, you cannot hate the person you love
    ○ One of the strangest things about love: the person you love the most…it’s a fine line between despicable hate and love
    ○ genuine love can transform into hate bc you’re investing so much love in that person
    ○ healthiest marriages: achieve equilibrium between love and hate knowing it’s okay to hate things the person does
  5. Marriage will heal all my past wounds
  6. Marriage is a piece of cake if you marry the right person
  7. Marriage benefits men more than women
  8. Love is enough to sustain a marriage
    ○ The economy is rough LOL – when the economy is rough, divorce skyrockets
    ○ Prophet (SAW) – One of the things we look for in marriage is “Malihah”, her wealth
  9. Religious practising Muslims have a perfect marriage FALSE
  10. Marriage is a natural process that you can figure out on your own FALSE

○ requires thought, DETERMINATION
○ Prophet (SAW) to Jabir (RA), a man who told him got engaged: “did you look into her eyes” – meaning did you find love in her eyes? Did you spend enough time looking into her eyes to know she’s the one? Marriage isn’t something you just come by!

Most of the marriages that occurred in the time of the Sahabah RA were not familial, rather they were cross-cultural.
Bilal RA did not marry someone from Habshah.
The Prophet Muhammad SAW married Mariyah RA she was from Egyptian background. He SAW married Safiyyah RA and she was from a Jewish background.
They did not always marry their cousins or within the family and the same caste.

○ 1. Optional love:

You lead yourself to love and you fall deeper in love. It can grow if you allow it to grow; you need to take concrete steps, not just sit back and wait.
■ eg: your love for your spouse gets deeper as the relationship progresses
■ there are things you didn’t know that you love today, and things you loved then that you love in a different way now
■ We live today in an era with a lot of “popcorn love” → it’s not how I met your mother; it’s how many people met your mother
● The types of love that we are fed is a vain type of imagery and people make millions off of it – it’s AN INDUSTRY
● eg: Adele’s Someone Like You – national anthem of a home wrecker. This is the kind of woman you want to keep away from your husband. — THAT’S WHAT’S PUT OUT THERE AS A LOVE SONG… but it’s actually the love of desire
● We raise a generation of people that think that a booty call is acceptable, that someone can ring her up at 9pm.

 

Surah Al’Imran:14
“Beautified for people is the love of that which they desire- of women and sons, heaped-up sums of gold and silver, fine branded horses, and cattle and tilled land. That is the enjoyment of worldly life, but Allah has with Him the best return.”
■ “Beautified for people is the love they desire…”
● what they love is what they want to do with the person for a certain amount of time
● the guy/girl that compromises your relationship FSA, they don’t love you – they love, the desire (difference b/w love and love of desire): عشق andحب

Imam Ibnul Qayyim RH differentiates between ■ a was عشق whilst love noble and pure was حب says

He ● has forbidden, beyond the limits type of love. قشع is when someone goes to haram measures to be with the one they love outward same, set Allah boundaries the cross you – عشق ● characteristics as love
○ Anything you do in the name of love through sin/ compromising Allah’s boundaries is NOT love. Anything you do would you where love flaming that is عشق ○ for that person, that anything is what puts you in trouble
عشق as someone to love your explaining avoid to Try ○
○ If someone is willing to compromise their relationship with Allah swt, then nothing is stopping them from compromising you to have you why is that→ حب from your prevents عشق ○ heal and purify your soul from the love of desire
● The difference is simple, Allah loves when you love, بح , Allah loves that, but when you are upsetting Allah, that is قشع
● love is conciliatory, it’s being able to talk about the difficult things – “I didn’t like the way you said that”
○ you’re a tree that’s planted deep, not just fluff- you know the person is there to stay
○ 2. Non-Optional love
■ we’re asked to guard our gaze against the Haraam because we can fall for the unattainable
■ That love is not Haram, but acting upon it in Haram means is! The Sight/Eyes
● Hijab is not about the beauty of the women
○ if it WAS that, prophet Yusuf would need a hijab Lolz.(women cut their hands upon seeing him)
○ Yusuf, when they saw him they would “Akbar”, say Allahu Akbar, and they would cut their hands → if it was about beauty, then Allah would have put a niqab on him
○ that wasn’t the logical step
○ Cultural construct: Khateeb says something like “summer’s here bros, be careful” → cage them before they POUNCE 😛 → THIS IS A PERVERSION
■ sexuality and nudity was much more rampant at the time of Prophet (SAW)
■ At that time, if a woman was owned, a woman would be forbidden from covering above the navel… that is how pervasive nudity was
■ Paternity was so loose, that when someone was married they were married to the tribe, anyone from the tribe would lay claim to her
○ That is why we are told to guard our eyes → it is your duty as a man to run away from the Haram, it is inexcusable to say “I couldn’t help it”; it was much worse in other places
○ It is a sexist thing we have in our community is that we lower the standard of men; that is not Islamic
● One of the issues in marriage is a man who cannot guard his eyes – it is not embarrassing just for the women, it is embarrassing for him in front of Allah SWT.
● the sight is the quickest access to the soul/heart
○ Prophet (SAW) – that’s why you close the eyes of the deceased
○ Prophet (SAW) – The sinful glance is a sinful arrow of Iblis that strikes the heart
○ The eye is the easiest gate to the heart
○ There is no sinfulness in a man looking at a woman for identifying them, or doing something professional; the only problem is the fitnah in the heart
■ If you appreciate a person as a sexual being, then that is when you turn away
○ Prophet (ﷺ) telling Ali (RA) – the first look is for you. But if you return your gaze for a sinful reason (ie to “check them out”) then it’s sinful.

Narrated `Abdullah bin `Abbas RA: Al-Fadl RA (his brother) was riding behind Allah’s Messenger (ﷺ) and a woman from the tribe of Khath’am came and Al-Fadl RA started looking at her and she started looking at him. The Prophet (ﷺ) turned Al-Fadl’s RA face to the other side. The woman said, “O Allah’s Messenger (ﷺ)! The obligation of Hajj enjoined by Allah on His devotees has become due on my father and he is old and weak, and he cannot sit firm on the Mount; may I perform Hajj on his behalf?” The Prophet (ﷺ) replied, “Yes, you may.” That happened during the Hajj-al-Wida (of the Prophet (ﷺ).
Sitting behind the Prophet (ﷺ)
○ Ibn Abbas RA said, “a woman of spectacular beauty came up to Prophet (SAW)”
○ Ibn Abbas RA noticed the beauty and restrained himself so Prophet (SAW) didn’t turn his face
○ However Al Fadl RA was, so he turned his face for him
● During the time of the Prophet SAW, segregation was not a rule,
○ Prophet (SAW) stood on a pulpit at a woman’s request – so she could see him during khutbas
○ the same pulpit is going to be beside Al-Kauthar on the Day of Judgement

**SIDE NOTE** We will all pass through the sirat through Jahanam, each at different paces (based on your answer regarding your relationship with Allah)
● When we walk through we will say “Praise be to Allah who saved me from your torture”
● Then you will walk through the qantara ( a bridge), and that is when you will have to make the recompense for the wrong you have done to others
● Those that will have most against us are those that we have spent most time with..it’s there you’ll find your wife, kids…
● not an easy journey to set balance straight with others Pornography
● one of the most proliferated vices
● technology is driven by this proliferation
● around the time of VHS, Sony tried to patent “Beta”
○ Sony was owned and operated out of Japan
○ Japan = very ethical
○ Pornography industry wanted to use Sony for filming…
○ execs said no thanks
○ VHS said “okay let’s do it!”
○ Sony developed Blu-Ray gave access to porn industry to
○ → the web applications you and I use are primarily driven by companies that want you to watch their porn
● sociologists say it’s impossible to escape your teen years without exposure to some kind of pornography
● Addicting – Mind has these synapses, you watch something and you want it more
● BUT luckily your brain has this “use it or lose it” function – if you stop watching this kind of stuff

Story of Mughith RA and Bareerah RA

Bareerah RA was a female slave and A’ishah RA was interested in buying her. She was married to Mughith, and Ai’shah freed her (they were married in slavery); a free woman cannot marry a slave man, so after she became free, she had the choice to keep this marriage or to ask for the dissolution of the marriage. She said, “Alhamdulillah, I’m tired of this marriage, I’m going to get out.” Mugheeth loved her so much, sincerely and
honestly. After she left him, he couldn’t take it, so he went into public weeping, chasing
her, asking her “Ya Bareerah just look at me or talk to me.” He went to sahabah and said,
“Please talk to her for me (to Abu Bakr and Umar and at the end, even to the Prophet (ﷺ) to ask him to intercede. So Prophet (ﷺ), (as the mercy for mankind) felt sorry for him, and he said he’d do it. When he went to Bareerah, she asked, “Are you commanding me or are you just interceding?” The Prophet (ﷺ) said, “I’m interceding.” She replied, “If this is the case, then I don’t want him”, and since all else failed, he spent his life chasing after her and crying for her. “The husband of Bareerah was a slave called Mughith. It is as if I can see him now, walking behind her and weeping, with tears running down his cheeks. The Prophet (ﷺ) said to ‘Abbas RA: ‘O Abbas RA, are you not amazed by the love of Mugheeth for Bareerah, and the hatred of Bareerah for Mughith?’

And the Prophet (ﷺ) said to her: Why don’t you take him back, for he is the father of your child?’ She said: ‘O Messenger of Allah, are you commanding me (to do so)?’ He said: ‘No, rather I am interceding.’ She said: ‘I have no need of him.’ ”

 

THE CIRCLE OF LIFE
Two Major Theories on Love (according to marriage therapists)

  1. Bank Account Theory
    ● When a relationship develops, it is like you opened a bank account with them
    ● You deposit feelings and actions and emotions and you expect a reciprocation or “debit”
    ● It makes people feel like the person is drawing more than they are credited.
    ● ihdina siraat al mustaqeem
    ○ istiqamah – balance. So that if it shakes, you don’t fall over.
    ○ You don’t take out more than what’s in the bank 2. Gas Tank Theory
    ● most brothers don’t mind coasting with the yellow light on
    ○ in counselling: I didn’t know anything was wrong
    ● sisters – don’t wait till the breaking point
    ○ in counselling: I was giving him so many yellow lights
    ● we think about the same problems in different ways

A Husband’s Guide to Ruining a Good Marriage

  1. Show thankfulness to everyone for kindness to show you except your wife. Let your wife see you CAPABLE of saying thanks to others, but INCAPABLE of showing gratitude to the person who shares your life.
  2. Mention your wife’s faults. Keep them on file. Use the mistakes she’s made to cover your own stupidity.
  3. Randomly/unnecessarily spend time out of the house, for no reason…and when she calls you, don’t answer.
  4. Be connected to all your social media/devices simultaneously and ask her to make you a sandwich. Do all of that while the kids are up and she gets aggravated.
  5. Monitor her level of attire and conduct…all while watching mature content on TV (not just porn…just TV shows of people dressed inappropriately).
  6. Say things like “kids…what kids? Am I responsible for them?” Be that absent father
  7. Argue and fight in front of your kids because your kids need memories, those loving moments of tenderness.
  8. Say things like, “I forbid you” and “you’re not allowed” and “I command you” (because she’s 2 years old and you can’t have a conversation while sharing each other’s view).
  9. Strike, push, shove your wife – and then feel bad and say, “I’m sorry, but you’re the one who ____” as if it’s her fault as if there was anything that warranted your hostility.
  10. Spend a lot of your disposable income on luxury items…but refuse to pay AlMaghrib course costs because Islam should be for free.
  11. Put down your wife’s cooking, attire, shape, clothes…in front of your family and say “I’m just joking!”
  12. When you walk beside her in public, don’t lower your gaze. Instead, sleazily check out other women. Because that’s classy.
  13. Be insensitive, quiet, withdrawn, sarcastic all day…and at night expect intimacy
  14. Motivate her by comparing her to your own sisters, friend’s wives, etc …And keep her at the bottom of the list
  15. Never reconsider a decision you made after she advises you she’s wrong because she will never respect you thereafter so she should never win those arguments.
  16. Show how close you’ve come together by sharing your vulgar sounds and smells at random moments of the day and night.

 

A Wife’s Guide to Ruining a Good Marriage

  1. Forget that hijab begins within as an attitude and not just fabric. Act/talk in weird ways. Forget that hijab is not in the clothes that you wear but the attitude that you have.
  2. Tell your friends near and far about your family problems in detail and tell them “shh don’t tell anyone” because of course, they’ll keep it.
  3. Nagging is an art. You must perfect it. The more you repeat yourself, the better he will understand you
  4. When your husband is tense, stressed and had a bad day…push his button. You know the button.
  5. Your Motto: Treat them mean, so they’ll be keen. If you soften and they see it as a weakness, they’ll walk all over you
  6. When you’re upset with each other privately, make sure you let the kids know how horrible he is.
  7. RUIN – Intimacy is a weapon. Randomly/ for no apparent reason, restrict it, just to teach him a lesson.
  8. When your friends get a new TV, you get a Smart TV. When they get bling, you get bling bling. Keep up with the Patels.
  9. If your husband is having troubles with his parents/siblings, stick your nose in it. Everyone will love you later. a. if he asks for your advice…say you love them at least neutral/distant
  10. Get your father and mother to talk to him about problems you have with him that you never shared with him…surprise!
  11. The silent treatment IS communication. There’s nothing wrong with keeping him guessing.
  12. If your husband succeeds in something, don’t encourage him…you don’t want him to think he’s special but if he makes a mistake, bury him.
  13. Argue in front of your children. In fact, use vulgarity in front of your kids in front of each other.
  14. Say things like, “I don’t trust you”, “why are you late”, “where are you going” – without cause for suspicion…because no man can be trusted.
  15. TV-ing is a verb. Always have the TV on. It’s a good babysitter and it passes the time. Always let it be part of your home life.
  16. When you feel that spark of love is missing, by recalling past loves and make him feel that your thoughts are still with them

 

Love in the Sunnah pg 81
→ He didn’t just marry to help people, or just for sexual appetite.
→ Sometimes people asked him to marry them and he wasn’t interested, some of the prophet’s wives weren’t “sexually available” so that’s not why he married them

 

  1. When you eat, eat with her
    ○ it’s kind of a vulgar translation to say, “when you eat, feed with her”
    ○ Prophet (SAW) never ate from a plate alone
    ○ That’s why you can give even half a date
    ○ Way to a man’s heart is through his stomach
    ○ There’s comfort/barakah in food
    ○ Prophet (SAW) – make sure the people who have open access to your food (because of frankness) are people of piety

 

  1. When you buy yourself something, buy her something as well
    ○ it’s not about what you buy her – it’s about when you think about yourself, you think about your spouse
    ○ People wouldn’t gift the prophet without gifting Aisha (RA) a gift – other wives were jealous sometimes

 

  1. Seek her counsel
    ○ When Prophet (ﷺ) said “she obeyed her husband” – it’s qualitative. There’s no obedience to anyone unless there’s obedience to Allah
    ○ Day of Hudaibiyya – rumour spreads that Uthman has been killed. so they make a treaty under a tree to avenge his death…but it was a false alarm
    ○ …Prophet (SAW) took counsel with Umm Salamah

 

  1. Seat her where you sit=
    ○ sit together
    ○ Prophet (ﷺ) would have a cushion and when his wife/daughter would come in, he’d give it to her

 

  1. What you ask of her, be willing to give her
    ○ Surat Al Baqarah
    ○ Abdullah Ibn Abbas, one of the greatest mufassiroon, would get ready (clothes, smelling, looking nice) to go into his home – his students would be like why are you getting ready to go into your house instead of getting ready upon leaving
    ■ lahunna….(for her what u expect of her?)

 

  1. Say “I love you” often and show it through your consistent behaviour – Who do you love the most?
    ○ “don’t tell me you love me…why…because my parents”
    ○ ‘Aisha (May Allah Be Pleased With Her) would often seek reassurance from The Prophet (Peace & Blessings Be Upon Him) that he loved her. “How is your love for me?” she once asked. “Like the rope’s knot,” The more you pull at it and stress it, the stronger it gets. Many times after that she would ask, “How is the knot?” and he would reply:” “The same as the first day it was tied!”
    ○ Prophet (SAW) had sweat on his brow and…Aisha related it to the poetry about the blessed nature of his sweat… being like the pearls in the ocean. Prophet (SAW) came over, kissed her forehead and said “you’re more beloved to me than all of them” ♥
    ○ Ali RA came home and saw Fatimah brushing her teeth with miswak and he started spouting poetry to the toothbrush “no one got to that place before me like you, if you were a man I would have killed you, etc.”
    ○ Three qualities of being a MAN in Arabic folklore
    ■ courageous in battle
    ■ eloquent in words
    ■ passionate about family
  2. Be generous with your money on her and your children
    ○ spend on your family
    ○ Prophet (ﷺ) – charity with the greatest barakah is the money spent on the family
    ■ lan tanalul birr
    ■ Abu Talha upon the revelation of the verse said “I have these two gardens”…Prophet (SAW) said no, distribute it among your fam 8. Travel together
    ○ Prophet (SAW) always took along a wife on his travels.
    ○ There were 2 instances when Aisha (RA) lost her necklace.
    ○ Tayammum was a result of Aisha (RA) losing her necklace in a place with no water, and they spent so much time looking for it that they had to stay till morning, and everyone was upset because they couldn’t do wudhu, so Allah SWT sent the ayat regarding tayammum○ Everyone has heard of the hadith regarding Aisha and Prophet SAW racing, but it wasn’t an olympic style race…Shaykh Yahya would say that “they romantically frolicked through the sand dunes of Arabia”
  3. Let her feel your concern for her well-being
    ○ Safiyyah comes to masjid where Prophet (SAW) is doing i’tikaf to talk to Prophet (SAW)…and he left the i’tikaf to walk her home
  4. Show chivalry (mar’oo-a)
    ○ one of the things we don’t demonstrate enough – you do the best of what is right) – sense of honour that you’re the server (open door, serve food
    ○ Prophet (SAW) the server should always be the last to eat
    ○ Safiyyah RA – wanted to get on top of a camel but she was too short…so the Prophet (SAW) got the camel to come down but she still couldn’t reach. So he gets down on a knee and she steps on top of it to get on the camel

 

  1. Be flexible & Humorous
    ○ Aisha (RA) was younger – not much experience in housework, cooking.
    ○ Aisha (RA) once cooked something and presented it to Prophet (SAW)
    ○ When Prophet (SAW) didn’t like a dish, he never said no to it but suggested an alternative.
    ○ Prophet (SAW) suggested going over to Sawdah’s house
    ■ When Sawdah came out with the meal, Aisha (RA) was jealous so she smacked down the plate, it fell and broke.
    ■ Prophet (ﷺ) said, “Why don’t you try it, maybe you’ll like it?” – diffuses the situation, doesn’t call her out on her jealousy
    ○ Then when he got home, he said: “You liked her food, so why don’t you send her a plate of your food?” – This way, he subtly got Aisha to replace the dish she broke.
  2. Kissable & Hygienic
    ○ Prophet (ﷺ) was very affectionate
    ○ Prophet (ﷺ) would kiss his wives before leading prayer – but he had the strength of a 1000 men – it was to make them feel loved, out of intimacy, not sexually
  3. Nicknames
    ○ Prophet (ﷺ) had nicknames for his wives, he would call Aisha “Ya Eish” – that it is through her that he gets “Eish” (life)
  4. Closer than your garment
    ○ hadith about bathing from a bowl with dough residue in it
    ○ allowance to bathe with the spouse
    ○ Ibn Hajar RH derives a lot of fiqh from it
  5. Intimacy not just sexually
    ○ Aisha (RA) – Prophet (SAW) knew that I liked to touch his skin so he’d remove his shirt so my skin could be on his
  6. Allah is first
    ○ “When it was time for prayer, it was like he didn’t know us”
  7. Time away – 1 month can be 29 days.