Nursery or Adversary?

بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم

Assalamu Alaykum wR wB,

If we survey the Sunnah of the Prophet ﷺ, a similar understanding is found. The qualities of devotion to Allah and their families were at the centre of the praiseworthy qualities of women. For example, the Prophet clarifies the Islamic view regarding the best women and the central reason behind it saying, “The best women from the riders of the camels (the best Arab women) are the righteous among the women of Quraish. They are the kindest women to their children in childhood and the most careful of women in regards to the property of their husbands.” (Bukhari/Muslim) In this hadith the Prophet explains their goodness by being good wives and good mothers.

In another statement the Prophet ﷺ explains that one of the main aims of marriage is to produce and nurture children who follow the Sunnah of the Prophet (peace be upon him) in worshiping Allah and glorifying him. The companion Ma’qil ibn Yasaar narrated that a man came to the messenger of Allah (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) and said: “O Messenger of Allah, I have found a woman who is from a good family and is pretty, but she does not bear children – should I marry her?” He told him not to. Then he came to him a second time and said something similar and he told him not to marry her. Then he came to him a third time and said something similar and he (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) said: “Marry the one who is loving and fertile, for I will be proud of your great numbers before the nations on the Day of Resurrection.” (Abu Dawud/Nasa’i)

Shaykh ‘Abd al-‘Azeem Abaadi said in his commentary of this hadith, ‘Marry the one who is loving means the one who loves her husband; and the one who is fertile is the one who bears a lot of children.” {Awnul Mabud 6/33}

abcOh boy… I am going to do it again. I am opening the can of worms. Lighting a match in a dry forest. Shouting fire in a crowded theatre. Opening the floodgates. I am going to talk about something that will cause another round of Facebook unfriending, painful insults, and lots of people disagreeing with me. But as a man, a Muslim, and a chronically outspoken human being, I have to speak up. I have a platform – and I must use it. It is my moral responsibility to utilise my platform to speak up for those without such a public voice. I want to talk about… **takes deep breath**… ‘Working Mothers and their Responsibilities.’

“Most children are corrupted (and led to failure) because of their parents.” Ibn Qayyim RH, Tuhfatul Maudud bi-Ahkamil Maulud (p. 80)

By this point, some of you (especially those who know me “well”) will be thinking, “Oh God! What on earth is he going to say?” And others (who also know me, personally) will be thinking, “How can he talk about that issue? He doesn’t have kids!” Yes, what gives me the audacity to speak about such a topic, when I don’t have children? I actually thought about the same thing a few days ago, before writing this piece. I don’t know how long this article is going to be, simply because the whole thing has been going around my head for a long time. I wouldn’t be lying if I said a decade!

Just because I don’t have children, that doesn’t mean I don’t know anything ‘about’ children. I have taught children in a Primary School, and in a Madrasah setting for many years. And still offer tuition for teenagers in various subjects, as well as teaching Muslim youngsters Tafsir and Seerah. Which (hopefully) justifies my position, in writing this article. As I have understood and realised some of the causes and grounds why our youth are spiralling downwards.

You see I always wanted someone else to write it, I shall be totally honest. In particular – a female. And before writing it I scanned the web to see how much has already been written on the topic, especially by Muslims. I found a LOT of articles supporting the idea of working mothers, very few against it. I have a large extensive library (Alhumdu Lillah), I buy books on everything; things which are relevant and irrelevant, stuff that I need and don’t need (may need in future). So I searched how many books I had if any on ‘tarbiyyah/upbringing children, good mothers’ etc. I had a few on ‘tarbiyyah’, which contained sections on working mums, and others just generally in the early years with a child. But nothing extensive on working mothers, does it really work, the pros and cons.

This article below was written the day I started writing this blog believe it or not:

*A sign from Allah, perhaps?*

Silhouette of depressive man

Like I said, I wanted to write this piece many moons ago. But what recently triggered me to put pen to paper is the statistic below:

“25% of Women in the UK suffer from depression.” (NHS Stats)

Mental health problems affect both men and women, but not in equal measure.

“In England, women are more likely than men to have a common mental health problem.”

McManus, S., Meltzer, H., Brugha, T., Bebbington, P., & Jenkins, R. (eds) (2009). Adult Psychiatric Morbidity in England 2007: results of a household survey. NHS Information Centre for Health and Social Care. [online] Available at: [Accessed 25 August 2015].

“And are almost twice as likely to be diagnosed with anxiety disorders.”

Martin-Merino, E., Ruigomez, A., Wallander, M., Johansson, S. and GarciaRodriguez, L. (2009). Prevalence, incidence, morbidity and treatment patterns in a cohort of patients diagnosed with anxiety in UK primary care. Family Practice, 27(1), pp.9-16.

“10% of mothers and 6% of fathers in the UK have mental health problems at any given time.”

Parker, G., et al. (2008). Technical Report for SCIE Research Review on the Prevalence and Incidence of Parental Mental Health Problems and the Detection, Screening and Reporting of Parental Mental Health Problems. [online] York: Social Policy Research Unit, University of York. Available at: [Accessed 14 Sep. 2015].

When I tried to read further, I also came across this:

Nearly a fifth of adults in the UK experience anxiety or depression, according to the latest official figures.

The Office for National Statistics (ONS) said a higher proportion of women than men reported that they suffered from the conditions, with the highest indication of anxiety or depression occurring in the 50-54 age group.

There was evidence of anxiety or depression in 19% of people aged 16 or over, with 21% of women reporting the symptoms and 16% of men.

Also, see below:

10% of men and 30% of women have had a previous psychiatric admission before they entered prison. A more recent study found that 25% of women and 15% of men in prison reported symptoms indicative of psychosis. The rate among the general public is about 4%.

26% of women and 16% of men said they had received treatment for a mental health problem in the year before custody.

And finally, more about depression:

My point from all of the above is to give the readers the gist of what percentage of people in the UK suffer from anxiety, depression and stress. And more importantly what proportion are men and women.

So the million dollar question is “WHY?” In such a developed country, or in the West in general, why do we see more people suffering from depression in particularly women? Well, as this article is being written to ‘help’ women I will add the site below for reference:

Depression is not “one size fits all,” particularly when it comes to the genders. Not only are women more prone to depression than men, but the causes of female depression and even the pattern of symptoms are often different. Many factors contribute to the unique picture of depression in women—from reproductive hormones to social pressures to the female response to stress. Learning about these factors can help you minimize your risk of depression and treat it more effectively.

Figures for the lifetime prevalence of depression vary according to the criteria used to define depression. Using DSM-IV’s criteria for ‘major depressive disorder’ which are similar to the ICD-10 criteria for ‘moderate depression’, the lifetime prevalence of depression is about 15 percent and the point prevalence about 5 percent. This means that an average person has about a one in seven (15 percent) chance of developing depression in the course of his or her lifetime, and about a 1 in 20 (5 percent) chance of suffering from it at this very point in time.

However, these figures mask a very uneven gender distribution as depression is about twice as common in women than in men. The reasons for this uneven gender distribution are not entirely clear but are thought to be partly biological, partly psychological, and partly sociocultural.

Biological explanations Compared to men, women may have a stronger genetic predisposition to developing depression. Compared to men, women are much more subjected to fluctuating hormone levels. This is especially the case around the time of childbirth and at the menopause, both of which are associated with an increased risk of developing depression.

Psychological explanations Women are more ruminative than men, that is, they tend to think about things more—which, though a very good thing, may also predispose them to develop depression. In contrast, men are more likely to react to difficult times with stoicicism, anger, or substance misuse. Women are generally more invested in relationships than men. Relationship problems are likely to affect them more, and so they are more likely to develop depression.

Sociocultural explanations Women come under more stress than men. Not only do they have to go work just like men, but they may also be expected to bear the brunt of maintaining a home, bringing up children, caring for older relatives, and putting up with all the sexism!   Women live longer than men. Extreme old age is often associated with bereavement, loneliness, poor physical health, and precarity—and so with depression. Women are more likely to seek out a diagnosis of depression. They are more likely to consult a physician and more likely to discuss their feelings with the physician. Conversely, physicians (whether male or female) may be more likely to make a diagnosis of depression in a woman. Perhaps you can think of some other reasons why depression is twice as common in women than in men, in which case please do let me know!

1280x240-Homeworking-Hub-Image-1280x240Some of you at this point are thinking, what does all this has to do with the title and Mothers working. The aim of this article is to help women, not have a go at them, nor give them a blasting. It is to help them understand what they really need to do and what they should be doing. Where their priorities lie. I am not in a position to say this, but I don’t think most women understand. As humans, men and women, we are like sheep and just follow the trend. And women, in particular, are suffering from stress and depression because society demands too much from them I believe. Where they should have been placed and what their primary roles were, has been lost and disillusioned.

When you sit down to reflect on what your vision is for your life, how do you know that the vision you’ve chosen is, in fact, the right one? Is it by the level of happiness you are convinced that your vision is achieved, would give you? Or is it the fame and attention you know you’ll attain if you fulfilled it? It would be a shame if you spent years going up the ladder of life, only to find that the ladder was leaning against the wrong wall. Imagine if after all the effort you had exerted you found yourself on the Day of Judgment wishing you’d spent all that time and energy pursuing a different vision on Earth, one that would have given you a higher status in the hereafter which, after all, will last forever. On the Day of Judgment, things will become very clear to us in the starkest of ways. We will see reality as it truly is and realize how short was the opportunity that we had on Earth as the following hadith clearly illustrates:

Anas ibn Malik narrates that the messenger of Allah ﷺ  said, “The most affluent of the people in this world, of those who will go to Hell, will be brought on the Day of Resurrection and dipped once in the Fire. Then it will be said: O son of Adam, did you ever see anything good? Did you ever have any pleasure? He will say: No, by Allah, O Lord. Then the most destitute of the people in this world, of those who will enter Paradise, will be brought and dipped once in Paradise, and it will be said to him: O son of Adam, did you ever see anything bad? Did you ever experience any hardship? He will say: No, by Allah, O Lord. I never saw anything bad and I never experienced any hardship.” (Sahih Muslim)

Let us look at marriage…

In comparison to other countries, couples in the UK are rather old when they decide to get married. The average age that men in the UK get married is 30.8 and the average age to get married for women is 28.9 years.

Yes, besides the fact that a lot fewer people are getting married than for instance 30 years ago, the age at which people are marrying has increased quite a bit. The average age for getting married 30 years ago was about 24 years (about 23 years for women and about 25 years for men). That’s about 6 years earlier than the current average age.

The average age that people get married is dependent on a couple of factors, such as religion, culture and the level of development of the country where they live. In countries such as India and Pakistan, it is common that the parents of the bride and groom arrange the wedding. Therefore the average age of getting married in these countries is only 17 years old. In Scandinavian countries, it is more common to get married at a later age. In Denmark the average age people get married is almost 31 years old. Also in Sweden, Finland and Norway, the average age to get married is well above 30 years old.

So we can see that in Europe and the West, people tend to get married later. This again is due to the pressure from social norms and culture. E.g. getting a degree, building a career, having a job etc. All of which there is no harm in doing. But women need to understand, Islam does allow you to seek knowledge and education. Islam does allow you to work and earn for yourself. But the greatest virtue for a woman in Islam is being a good mother and a pious wife. Already, some of you will think I am backward or old-fashioned, not with the times and not up to date. False. There is no need for us to be sheep and follow society. If we really and truly follow Islam, then let us see what Allah says in the Qur’an and Hadith about women and their roles. Every woman praised in the Qur’an, namely Asiyah (Radhi Allahu Anha) – the wife of Pharoah and Maryam (Radhi Allahu Anha) the mother of Eesa (Alayhis Salam) were praised for being good wives and mothers.

“And Allah has set forth an example for those who believe, the wife of Pharaoh when she said: “My Lord! Build for me a home with You in Paradise, and save me from Pharaoh and his work, and save me from the people who are oppressors. And Maryam (Mary), the daughter of ‘Imran who guarded her chastity; and We breathed into her through Our spirit (Gabriel), and she testified to the truth of the words of her Lord and His Scriptures, and she was of the obedient.” [66:11-12]

The Prophet’s Companion Abu Musa Al-Ash’ari narrates that the Prophet (peace be upon him) described the status of these two women by saying, “Many amongst men attained perfection but amongst women, none attained perfection except Maryam (Mary), the daughter of ‘Imran, and Asiya, the wife of Pharaoh. And the superiority of Aishah to other women is like the superiority of tharid (a dish) to other meals.” (Bukhari)

People also talk a LOT about Khadijah (Radhi Allahu Anha), and how she was a businesswoman. No doubt about it! She was one of the richest women in Makkah. But, after marriage, she handed the business to the Prophet (Sallallahu Alayhi Wasallam). She (Radhi Allahu Anha) then had six children with the Prophet (Sallallahu Alayhi Wasallam). When the Prophet (Sallallahu Alayhi Wasallam) would meditate in the Cave of Hira, Khadijah (Radhi Allahu Anha) would walk from Makkah to Jabal Alnoor (Mount of Noor), then climb up to the Cave of Hira, twice a day to deliver the Prophet’s  (Sallallahu Alayhi Wasallam) food. Let us look at both sides of the coin, not just the fact she was a businesswoman. She was a mother to the children of the Prophet (Sallallahu Alayhi Wasallam), and what a great mother she was. Also, she was an amazing support to the Prophet  (Sallallahu Alayhi Wasallam).working-from-home-jobs

Being a mother is not an easy task, right from the moment of pregnancy, till labour, till breastfeeding, then the early years. I will try to outline some of the most important duties of mothers and how much neglect we see in the Ummah today. It is not as easy as sending our children to nurseries for someone else, strangers, to nurture our children. Babies need their mothers. There are many things women need to consider before they just dump, yes ‘dump’ children. It may not be neglect in the eyes of the law, but certainly is in my eyes and possibly in the eyes of Allah SWT.

Narrated ‘Abdullah bin ‘Umar: The Messenger of Allah (ﷺ) as saying: “Each of you is a shepherd and each of you is responsible for his flock. The amir (ruler) who is over the people is a shepherd and is responsible for his flock; a man is a shepherd in charge of the inhabitants of his household and he is responsible for his flock; a woman is a shepherdess in charge of her husband’s house and children and she is responsible for them; and a man’s slave is a shepherd in charge of his master’s property and he is responsible for it. So each of you is a shepherd and each of you is responsible for his flock.” (Abu Dawud)


A contented, confident and well-adjusted child does not come about by accident but is the result of hard work mainly on the part of the parents. It is not enough to send our children to nursery and expect teachers to do our job for us. Primary education comes from the home environment and the first best teachers, are parents themselves. As Muslim parents in a non-Muslim society, we have to work hard to ensure that Islam is the focus of our parenting efforts.

The pre-school years are the most important and rapid of development, so this is the golden opportunity for us to nurture our children and help them on the path to becoming good Muslims of the future. It is a grave mistake to think that children are too young to learn or understand their surroundings. In fact, the opposite is true; the younger the child, the faster they can absorb information. A lack of varied stimuli and unsettled emotional surroundings are major factors in disruptive behaviour. We all want the best for our children, but often either do not know where to start or cannot find the time to implement our intentions. Remember, as parents, you will play a central role throughout your child’s life, but more especially during the formative years when there are fewer external influences.

Cons of being a working mother:

  1. Tiredness. There are no words to describe what it is like doing a 10-hour working day with a long commute when you’ve been up half the night with a teething toddler or a hungry baby
  2. When you can hear your child still crying and shouting ‘mama’ as you’re halfway out of the driveway
  3. Missing out – first words, first steps, playdates and classes
  4. Rushing home from work ‘early’ to put toddler girl to bed only to find she fell asleep 10 minutes before you got home
  5. Managing the expectations of colleagues who just don’t get it

Siobhan Freegard, the co-founder of Netmums, said the needs of young teenagers often takes parents by surprise: “The truth is that the older your children get, the more they need you emotionally. Once they get to secondary school, they also need a great deal of help to organise all the homework and other academic demands they’re suddenly faced with.”

Those surveyed admitted feeling uncomfortable with their choice to give up work with 60% saying they feel embarrassed by the expectation that parents will work more, not less, when their child reaches school-age. Almost 40% said they are made to feel they are “setting a poor example to their child” by not working. Just 20% said they felt their choice meant they were seen as a better parent.

Freegard said: “Mothers – and it usually is mothers – have been trying and failing to talk about this issue for ages. It’s a hidden topic.”


In the United States today, more than half of mothers with young children work, compared to about one third in the 1970s. Working mothers are now the rule rather than the exception. Women have been moving into the workforce not only for career satisfaction but also because they and their families need the income.

Even when there are no problems, however, a two-career family has to deal with issues that do not come up in other families. Parents may feel so divided between family and career that they have little time for a social life or each other. Both parents need to share household and childcare responsibilities so that one will not end up doing most of the work and feeling resentful. Parents will lose an average of about ten work days per year due to the need to tend to a sick child, to care for their child when child care arrangements have broken down, or to take their child to necessary appointments.

So mothers really need to think twice before they resume work after having a child. We often hear the word “necessity” used. ‘I need to work’. Necessity is an abused term, we need to look carefully at what is a necessity. Wanting a luxurious lifestyle isn’t; fabulous car, large extended house, expensive getaways every year. If that is what you want, then sacrifice the welfare of your children for the above – harsh, but true. Your children don’t need holidays nor expensive presents. We look around today, parents have given their children every gadget, toy, doll, bike and game they can imagine having. But, have they given their children sufficient love and care and attention. Nobody said bringing up children was an easy task, nobody said women cannot work *full stop*. But it is different once you have children, you need to understand where your priorities lie, it is with your children. Don’t follow society, don’t follow the women in the magazine, because you deserve better and so do your children. This is a sincere plea from a brother of yours.

In conclusion, I say that the best role, the most honourable and worthy role for a woman is striving to be a fine wife, a good mother, or both. This role does not only secure the best for a woman in the hereafter but also fits perfectly with her natural disposition. In her study published by Centre for Policy Studies in 2009, Cristina Odone, former deputy editor of The New Statesman (1998-2004) concluded that “far from being committed to a career, the overwhelming majority of women would prefer to opt out of it. Instead of finding satisfaction in full-time work, most women realise themselves in their other roles as carers, partners, community members, and above all mothers”. Furthermore, McIntosh and Bauer concluded that working women are “often felt overwhelmed and unable to keep up with their job and family responsibilities”. They added that “the working mother felt she had two full-time jobs.”  {A thesis presented in partial fulfilment of the requirements for an MEd in the graduate school of Marietta College titled, “Working Mothers Vs Stay At Home Mothers: The Impact on Children.}

I ask our sisters in Islam to embrace their true role in society and reap the huge rewards that Allah has in store for them for fulfilling this role. I ask our brothers to support them in fulfilling this role. When we define a vision for our lives, we are seeking to make a contribution and leave a legacy. Your legacy, sisters is that if you take on the role that Allah has ordained for you, then you will positively affect the future of the Muslim ummah and ultimately the future of the world. That is a legacy beyond measure.

Please see Fatwa above

NB: I am not a sexist or a chauvinist. These are my sincere views for many sisters who seemed to have lost direction and guidance. If there is anything against Islam in this article which is explicit in Qur’an and Hadith, please state the evidence below. I shall happily retract my opinions. I understand many will disagree and disregard this article.

Allah knows best, to Him we turn and seek the truth.

Ismail Ibn Nazir Satia (One who is in dire need of Allah’s Forgiveness, Mercy and Pleasure)

16 Jamadul Akhar 1436

Bullying in Islam


In the name of Allah, the most Beneficent, the most Merciful.

Bullying in Islam

Bullying is against Islam as it entails injustice being done towards an individual by another.  Those that engage in bullying actually have a weak nature and want to compensate for that weakness by trying to be ‘superior’ to others that they deem inferior to themselves.

Bullying is a form of oppression. Islam explicitly forbids all forms of oppression and injustice.  Sayiduna Jabir Bin Abdullah (Radiallahu Anhu( narrates that the Prophet of Allah (Sallallahu Alahi Wasalam) said “Be on your guard against oppression, for oppression is a darkness on the Day of Resurrection.”   (Sahih Muslim)

In a Hadith Qudsi, Allah (SWA) has said: ‘I shall take revenge on the oppressor in this life and the next.  I shall take revenge on someone who saw a person being oppressed and was able to help him but did not help him.’   (Tabraani)

If you are being bullied, especially at school, you should not remain silent but instead inform those who have authority.

Only Allah Knows Best

Mohammed Tosir Miah

Darul Ifta Birmingham

Islam Says NO to Bullying

Noora runs into the house and slams the door behind her.  She bounds up the stairs and her mother hears her bedroom door slam.  She audibly sighs sadly thinking to herself, “She had another bad day at school.  I wish she would talk to me about it.”  Noora curls up on her bed and cries quietly wondering what she did to deserve what she goes through at school everyday.  Sometimes she even finds herself wishing she could just get a physical “beat down” rather than suffer through the daily emotional torment of being teased, ostracized and singled out for abuse.  She feels as though her mother won’t understand what she’s going through and she also doesn’t want to disappoint her by confessing that she just doesn’t know how to handle the bullies.  She feels hopeless and she doesn’t know to whom to turn so she cries quietly in her room, and each day holds in more and more of the torment she faces.

Bullying was once viewed as a necessary rite of passage of childhood, something children simply must endure.  However, bullying is not simply something children will mature out of; rather, bullying can result in serious harm and long-term consequences.  Bullying can take different forms, including[1]:

  • Physical bullying: includes hitting, punching, kicking and other types of physical harm, as well as destruction of a child’s property.
  • Verbal bullying: includes teasing, name-calling, taunting and racial slurs, as well as spreading gossip or malicious rumors.
  • Cyberbullying: includes harassing emails, instant messages and text messages, as well as intimidating or threatening websites, blogs or posts.

Parents often feel completely powerless as they witness their child’s tears day-after-day, as much a part of the afterschool routine as homework.  Bullying has reached a new peak in our society and with tragedies such as the shooting at Columbine, bullying has received a great deal more attention than it used to. With the advent of technology, bullying no longer occurs exclusively within the walls of schools.  Rather, social media has provided another opportunity to bullies who seek to demean others.  Home is no longer a safe haven for victims of bullying; a Facebook status can hurt just as much, if not more, than hearing the typed words spoken aloud.

The Victims of Bullying

Being the victim of bullying can evoke a great deal of shame in children and teens (and in adults as well, since bullying is not an epidemic that exclusively targets children).  Therefore, your child may not confide in you and may go through great pains to hide the fact that s/he is being bullied.  The signs may not be as visible as a black eye; although children are often physically intimidated, bullying can be also be targeted in a way that leaves psychological and emotional bruises.  Some things to keep a lookout for, which may signal that your child is being bullied includes (but is not limited to): damage to personal belongings, unexplained injuries, a decline in academic performance, physical complaints (i.e. stomach aches, headaches, tiredness, etc.), reluctance when going to school or riding the bus, few friends, or a noticeable change in sleeping or eating habits.

There are certain qualities that may make some children more susceptible to bullying.  These include the following characteristics: cautious, sensitive, quiet, withdrawn, shy, anxious, insecure, low self-esteem, unhappy, lack of a close friend, relate better to adults than peers, physically weaker than peers.  Bullying is a cycle, so these characteristics can be just as much a consequence as a partial cause of being victimized.  There is also another subset of people within this bullying cycle who are characterized as bully/victims, who are both bullies and victims of bullying simultaneously.  Bully/victims tend to experience a greater variety of symptomology including both internalized (anxiety, depression, suicidal thoughts) and externalized (hyperactivity, rule-breaking) issues[2].

The Bullies

Although the focus of prevention and interventions are often on victims of bullying, it is important to provide support to bullies as well.  As the Prophet (peace be upon him) said,  “Help your brother, whether he is an oppressor or he is oppressed.” The Prophet was asked: “It is right to help him if he is oppressed, but how should we help him if he is an oppressor?” He replied: “By preventing him from oppressing others.” (Ṣahīh Bukhāri, Volume 3, Ḥadīth 624)

From this ḥadīth, we learn the importance of helping those who are oppressed but, even more profoundly, the need to assist oppressors by stopping them from committing this infringement on the rights of others.  Bullies are often misconstrued as people who simply take pleasure in the pain of others.  However, research has found that some are quite complex and somewhat of a mystery.  Many research studies have found that bullies are more likely to exhibit behavioral issues including aggressiveness, hyperactivity, attention deficits and conduct problems.  However, contrary to what is normally considered of bullies, one research study found that they suffer from depression, anxiety, psychosomatic disorders, and eating disorders to the same extent as those who were victimized by their bullying[3].  Some things that may signal that your child is bullying others include: being aggressive with others, gets sent to detention often, has unexplained new belongings or extra money, quickly blames others, refuses to accept responsibility for actions, and has a need to win or be the best at everything.

Verbal, Emotional & Psychological (Nonphysical) Bullying

Interactions between individuals, from an Islamic point of view, are governed by the fundamental right of sanctity of life, honor, and property.  Therefore, anything that compromises these rights should be stopped.  In Sūrat’l- ujurāt (49:10-12), Allah says, Verily, the believers are brothers…

  •   let not some people mock others, for they may be better than themselves,
  • nor (let) women (mock) women who may be better than themselves.
  • And do not slander yourselves, nor revile by (offensive) nicknames
  • O you who believe, avoid (indulging in) much suspicion; truly, some suspicion is a sin.
  • And do not spy or backbite one another; would any of you like to eat the flesh of his dead brother? You would abhor that.
  • And be conscious of Allah; indeed, Allah is Relenting, Merciful.” 

These verses emphasize the non-physical face of bullying.  Verbal and emotional bullying can have even greater and longer-lasting negative effects on the victims than physical bullying.  Many of us may have grown up asserting the maxim, “sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me,” however, we soon realize that sometimes words can hurt more than anything else.

According to Rachel Simmons’s Odd Girl Out: The Hidden Culture of Aggression in Girls[4], this type of bullying is particularly common among girls and often goes unnoticed by non-participants (such as teachers and parents).  Due to the expectation of girls to be sweet, nice and caring, direct aggression is deemed unacceptable in them.  However, girls are just as likely as boys to experience anger, a natural human emotion, so they engage one another in nonphysical, alternative forms of aggression.  This includes:

  •  Relational aggression: acts that harm others through damage (or the threat of damage) to relationships or feelings of acceptance, friendship, or group inclusion.
    •  This is seen through behaviors such as ignoring someone to punish them, excluding someone socially for revenge, using negative body language or facial expressions, sabotaging someone’s relationships, etc.
  • Indirect aggression: the bully avoids confrontation using covert behaviors.  In this way, it may seem as though there was no intent to hurt anyone and others may be used as vehicles to cause pain to the targeted person.
    •  This is seen in the spreading of rumors, backbiting, “accidentally” knocking over someone’s books, etc.
  • Social aggression: intent to damage the self-esteem or social status of a targeted individual.
    • This can include rumor spreading, backbiting, and social exclusion.

Rather than using physical intimidation as a weapon, relationships are used for leverage.  What could be worse than the threat of loneliness and social isolation as you wander friendlessly through the halls of school?  Hearing lies spread about you to cause you to lose your friends and fall into a downward spiral of lowering self-esteem?  One of the issues inherent in these forms of alternative aggressions is the fact that they can easily be committed under the radar of others.  Teachers are often caught unaware when their students speak with them about this type of bullying and don’t know how to deal with it since it is not easily spotted.  When engaging in covert aggression, the bullies often seem like the type of people who would never mistreat someone; it’s the perfect disguise for accomplishing as much damage as possible while ensuring their actions are undetectable to others.

Girls in this type of situation often have nowhere to turn; they may feel too ashamed to speak to their parents or teachers about the torment they’re enduring because they may feel as though they have failed at a fundamental rite of passage – making friends.  There is also a great deal of uncertainty regarding these alternative aggressions; girls may question, “Did she just bump into me on purpose?;” “Did she roll her eyes at something I said?;” “Is that note she’s passing about me?” It’s easy to know when someone gives you a black eye, but if you’re uncertain whether others are shutting you out or teasing you behind your back, it becomes much more difficult to discuss it with others.  By the same token, many girls withstand emotional abuse from their close friends in order to maintain the inclusion as a part of a group; they fear that the creation of any conflict (including voicing their concerns) will cause them to lose a relationship.  Due to this, anger continues to simmer and issues pile up and are rarely addressed.

Practical Tips & Possible Solutions

It is incredibly important to arm our children, our students, and ourselves with the proper methods of coping with bullying.  This is not simply a rite of passage that children must endure. Furthermore, the issues brought about by bullying can quickly, and dangerously, spiral out of control.  In the next segment, practical tips and possible solutions will be offered to promote healthy relationships.

[1] Mayo Clinic Staff (2010, August 24). Bullying: Help Your Child Handle a School Bully. Children’s Issues.  Retrieved January 19, 2012, from

[2] Olweus, D. (1999). Sweden. In P. K. Smith, Y. Morita, J. Junger-Tas, D. Olweus, R. Cata- lano, & P. Slee (Eds.), The nature of school bullying: A cross national perspective (pp. 7–27). London: Routledge.

[3] Kaltiala-Heino, R., Rimpelä, M., Rantanen, P., & Rimpelä, A. (2000). Bullying at school. An indicator of adolescents at risk for mental disorders. Journal of Adolescence, 23, 661–674.

[4] Simmons, Rachel (2002).  Odd Girl Out: The Hidden Culture of Aggression in Girls.  San Diego, CA: Hartcourt Trade Publishing.

bullying girls

The Advice of Umar Ibn Abdul Aziz RH for Parents

images (3)The current situation with upbringing our children is truly alarming. If nothing is done soon, one cannot imagine how it will end up. There’s nothing more sad than “loosing” your child.

Tips by Khalifah ‘Umar ibn’Abdil ‘Azeez RH

I feel that Khalifah ‘Umar ibn ‘Abdil ‘Azeez’s (rahimahullah) advice below is very apt and pertinent.

وكتب عمر بن عبد العزيز إلى مؤدب ولده :

” خذهم بالجفاء فهو أمنع لاقدامهم ، وترك الصبحة فان عادتها تكسب الغفلة، وقلة الضحك فان كثرته تميت القلب ، وليكن أول ما يعتقدون من أدبك بغض الملاهي التي بدؤها من الشيطان ، وعاقبتها سخط الرحمن ، فانه بلغني عن الثقات من حملة العلم أن حضور المعازف واستماع الأغاني واللهج بهما ينبت النفاق في القلب كما ينبت العشب بالماء . وليفتتح كل غلام منهم بجزء من القرآن يثبت في قراءته ، فاذا فرغ منه تناول نبله وقوسه  وخرج إلى الغرض حافيا ، فرمى سبعة أرشاق ، ثم انصرف إلى القائلة ، فان ابن مسعود كان يقول : ” يا بني قيلوا ، فان الشياطين لا تقيل”

( ذكره ابن أبي الدنيا في : ” ذم الملاهي” ص: 9 )

Khalifah ‘Umar ibn ‘Abdul ‘Aziz (rahimahullah) wrote the following instructions to his children’s mentor

“ Be strict on them for this is more effective in restraining them. Stop them from sleeping after Fajr Salaah, for this causes stupidity / negligence. They should laugh less for a lot of laughing kills the heart / soul. Let the first thing you inculcate in them be the hatred for Music, for I have heard from various People of Knowledge (‘Ulamaa) that Music develops hypocrisy in the heart just as water grows grass.

Each of them should commence the day with the recitation of the Holy Quran in the proper manner. When they complete that, they should take their bows and arrows and proceed barefooted to the range. Each of them should shoot 7 times. Thereafter they should take mid-day sleep  (siesta). For Sayyiduna ‘Abdullah ibn Mas’ood (Radiyallahu’anhu) use to say: Oh my children! Take siesta, for verily the devils do not do so.”

(Kitaabu Dhammil Malahi of Hafiz Ibn abi Dunya pg. 9)


These words of Khalifah ‘Umar ibn ‘Abdil ‘Azeez (rahimahullah) give us the following lessons on upbringing of children:

To commence the day with the recitation of the Quran
Not to sleep after Fajr (until after sunrise at least)
To abstain from music
To laugh less
Engagement in physical activity, like archery
The importance of siesta (qailoolah)
Each of the above are valuable lessons of life, which we as adults can implement and also inculcate in our children.

Quran Recital every morning

Many of us commence our day by reading the news, -which is more depressing than informative- or by catching up on our timeline, or sifting through emails etc.

The recitation of Qur’an, first thing in the morning will bring barakah (blessing) in our affairs throughout the day. Our children should see us reciting the Qur’an after Fajr. This will subconsciously lead them on to the same.

Music; they are never too young to abstain

We often justify out leniency towards out kids’ indulgence in Haram or Makrooh (repulsive) deeds by saying: “They are too young”.

The fact that ‘Umar ibn ‘Abdil ‘Azeez RH detested music even for his under aged children, demonstrates to us how we should view the training of our own.

Don’t allow the seeds of hypocrisy to grow even at that tender age. The computer games that they play should be free of foul language, evil habits and the music should be turned off. Never underestimate the effect that these supposed “games” could have on an innocent mind. It’s sad, how lightly we take the issue of Music that we repeatedly need to be cautioned of our ringtones.

Who is there that can say he has never heard a musical ringtone go off while in Salah in the Masjid?!

Who would have believed it if we were told a decade ago, that a time will come when a muslim will play music -or at least allow it to be played- while in sajdah, the closest posture we could get to Allah Ta’ala?!


Today we all look for how to be best entertained rather than spend our time usefully.

Laughter and jokes have become so common, that at times one will notice people joking even at a janazah!

The rare opportunity we get to ponder about death doesn’t pass with an unnecessary joke or fable being shared.

Even in religious lectures, the crowds are inflated if the speaker can entertain better…

As mentioned earlier, these were ‘Umar ibn ‘Abdil ‘Azeez’s (Rahimahullah) guidelines for the upbringing of children. Alas many of us adults need this lesson too.

Natural physical activity

‘Khalifah ‘Umar ibn ‘Abdil ‘Azeez (Rahimahullah) specifically ordered the mentor to take them outdoors for archery daily. The pagan Arabs also preferred to send their kids to the villages where they could spend their time outdoors, herding goats and learning basic life skills. In fact, until a few decades ago, we too would spend our days outdoors in various activities.

Today’s child may be engaging in very similar activities too, but instead of it being outdoors they do it on a screen! It’s no more physical, it’s actually electronic!

Physical activity has its own benefit in early childhood development that can never be replaced with any electronic device. Parents need to carefully think of ways to keep their children occupied in a manner that won’t just keep them from bothering their parents, but ways that will enhance the child’s mind, body and Iman as well.

May Allah guide us all, and may He inspire us with the correct tact in upbringing our innocent offspring. Ameen .

19 Jamadul Awaal 1437

Do you talk to yourself?

‘Abdullahi Ibn ‘Abdan RH said:

حدثنا عبد الله أن رجلاً كان يتّبع سفيان الثوري فيجده أبداً يُخرج من لبنة – أي: طوب – رقعة ينظر فيها، فأحب أن يعلم ما فيها، فوقعت الرقعة في يده فإذا مكتوب فيها: سفيان ! اذكر وقوفك بين يدي الله عز وجل

“Abdullah told us that there was a man who used to follow Sufyan Ath-Thawri RH. He noticed that time and time again, Sufyan would take out a piece of paper from a small box which he had and gaze into it. This man became curious as per what was on the paper. It so happened that this paper fell into his hand and on it was written:

“Sufyan! Remember that you shall stand before Allah.”

What you just read was in fact common practice of our predecessors.

Many Muslims validate their lack of Islamic commitment by arguing that ‘my environment is full of haram’ or ‘no one is advising me’ This category of people won’t snap out of their sins till a third party comes along and advises them. The earlier generations didn’t wait for other people’s advice, but they would actively speak to themselves.

The companion, Anas Ibn Malik RA says:

سمعت عمر بن الخطاب يومًا، وخرجت معه، حتى دخل حائطًا، فسمعته يقول، وبيني وبينه حائط، وهو في جوف الحائط: “عمر بن الخطاب.. أمير المؤمنين.. بخ بخ، والله لتتقين الله يا ابن الخطاب، أو ليعذبنك!”

“I was once walking with ‘Umar Ibn Khattab till a walk separated us. I heard him saying to himself from the other side of the wall, “Umar Ibn Khattab?! Leader of the believers?! Well, you will either fear Allah, O ‘Umar or He will punish you!!”

It may be something which you hang up in front of your desk, or it may be Islamic lectures which you keep your ears plugged in with on the way to and back from work/school, or righteous friends whom you regularly ask for advice or it may even be a piece of paper which you keep with you, similar to Sufyan Ath-Thawri’s RH piece of paper.

Also, in recent times Muhammad Ali – the famous boxer used to say, “I don’t smoke but I keep a match box in my pocket. When my heart slips towards a sin, I burn a matchstick and heat my palm. Then I say to myself:‘Ali You can’t bear even this heat, how would you bear the unbearable heat of Hell?


Allah grant us his awareness and consciousness. Ameen Ya Rabb!



Today’s blog is totally unplanned, unintended and unexpected. I don’t normally do this – I actually never do this. Most of my self-written blogs are topics that have been flying around my head for weeks, sometimes months. I then eventually write something up! And the title doesn’t really help you all?

So, here goes… Bismillah!


Why, when you heard it, did not the believing men and believing women think good of one another and say, “This is an obvious falsehood”? (24:12)

The verse above is from Surah Noor, which deals with the greatest accusation in the history of Islam. It was against the Mother of the Believers; Aishah Bint Abu Bakr (Allah be pleased with them). I am sure you are all aware of the story from Jumu’ah lectures or Audio CDs or Tafseer Books. The verse is saying in basic terms, when the news was spread and rumours were relayed, why did the Muslims not think good of the situation or give benefit of the doubt. Rather than jump to conclusions and slander each other.

Before I delve into the whole issue of thinking good of the believers, I would deem it most unfair and unjust not mention thinking good of the One who created me, created you, our parents and all those who have passed. Yes, thinking good of Allah SWT is something which is forgotten and rarely talked about; not from the pulpits, nor written in many books. It is certainly neglected in my opinion.

“And they thought wrongly of Allah – the thought of ignorance”
~ Surah Aal ‘Imran, 3:154

Ibn ul-Qayyim RH said: “Most people have ill thoughts of Allah with regard to what pertains to them and what He does with other than them. So whoever despairs of His Mercy, then he has thought ill of Him; and whoever thinks that if he leaves something for His Sake, He will not replace it with better than it – or one who does something for His Sake, that He won’t give him better than it – then he has thought ill of Him; and whoever thinks that if he sincerely hopes in and fears Him, and humbles himself before Him and implores Him, and asks Him and seeks His help and puts his trust in Him, that He will disappoint him, then he has thought ill of Him.”

Allah is Al-Hannan – the Most compassionate, He is Al-Wakeel – the trustee. These names and attributes of Allah illustrate to us the kind, caring and generous nature of Allah, who, when a slave calls upon Him, turns to Him, and thinks good of Him gives them much good back in return. Allah says in a Hadith Qudsi:

The Prophet (sal Allahu alaihi wa sallam) said, “Allah the Most High said, ‘I am as My servant thinks (expects) I am. I am with him when he mentions Me. If he mentions Me to himself, I mention him to Myself; and if he mentions Me in an assembly, I mention him in an assembly greater than it. If he draws near to Me a hand’s length, I draw near to him an arm’s length. And if he comes to Me walking, I go to him at speed.’” (Bukhari)

Which means, if he has good thoughts about Allah, ‘that he will be answered’, then he will be answered bi’ithnillaah. But if he says ‘I don’t think I will be answered’ and the like, then he will be deprived of the answer – and refuge is sought in Allah – because he did not have good thoughts of his Lord.

How many of you are going to walk to Allah SWT so He comes at speed to you? How many of you are will draw closer to Allah, so He draws closer to you? How many of you are going to believe and hope that Allah SWT will do well to you, so that He grants you what you anticipate and more than you would ever imagined?

Whatever you’re going through in life, then remember Allah is directing you back in putting your trust in Him. When you totally depend on Allah for your every need, every situation, then not only does your heart fill with the sweetness of Iman, but you see doors opening from all around you. Those, which were locked, those that you never even knew existed. For an individual who relies on Allah is demonstrating his humble status as a slave and is acknowledging that absolutely no person, thing, or creature – whether living or dead, can change the situation, besides the one who is in control over everything… and that is, Allah.

When you trust in Allah SWT, He will surely make ways for you. Never forget that. If you didn’t get the person you wanted for marriage, if you failed your exam even after exerting so much effort in revision, if you lost a loved one, then think good of Allah. Your heart will feel at ease knowing that whatever Allah SWT wills is good. Be positive.

Allah SWT is what His slave expects of Him, and expect good things to happen to you, you won’t be disappointed. Remind yourself that in life, maybe some things are not meant to be because there is something else waiting for you. Something better, more amazing, more valuable to Allah SWT than the other thing you longed for. Allah SWT is as you think of Him. Think good of Allah SWt and He will do good to you, that is the Sunnah of Allah SWT; that is His way.

In addition to that, Imam Ibn al-Qayyim RH has stated, “The more you have good expectations of your Lord and hope in Him, the more you will rely on and trust in Him. This is why some explained true reliance and trust to be having good expectations of Allah. In reality, having good expectations of Him leads to relying on and trusting in Him, as it is unthinkable that one can trust in someone that he has bad expectations of or no hope in, and Allah Knows best” (Tahdhib Madarij as-Salikin).

I would like to end with a clip from one of my favourite Arab Scholars, Shaykh Salih Al Maghamsi (Hafidhahullah). He is the Imam of Masjid Al-Quba in Madeenah, Saudi Arabia. He is one of the most well known scholars of tafseer.

This hopeful attitude is a distinguishing quality of a Muslim. Allah says in the Guide for Mankind, “Whosoever puts his trust in Allah, then He will suffice him” (65:3). We should always try to consider the different possibilities and prepare for the future as much as we are able, but we don’t need to be pessimistic to do so. We have to remember that there are certain things that Allah has destined for us which will occur no matter how well we are prepared. And if He has destined disappointment for us at a point and time, we must take it as a reminder and as a lesson to better ourselves. So whatever happens, it can truly only benefit us. That is what Islam teaches us. May Allah enable us to take heed of his reminders and shine a ray of optimism wherever we may be.  Ameen.

The second part is thinking good of each other.

I am going to give everyday life examples; simple and basic! I may call somebody and he didn’t answer the first time, to jump to conclusions straight away – “He is ignoring me!” “He is avoiding me!” “He is not talking to me!” All of this is incorrect, he/she may simply be in the bathroom? They may be in Salah? They may be talking to someone else (not all phones tell you ‘call waiting’), or their phone may be on silent for some reason or other. And we need to think this way. Personally, I have never rang anyone expecting them to answer right away. They will either call me back when it is convenient or text me ‘busy call later’. You see these things sound so simple and ARE simple! We complicate matters by over thinking. If for example, somebody texts you or emails something which you are unsure about, what they meant and the tone used sounds different or unusual, then simply ask them. Asking, who, what, when, can clarify so many things and alleviate doubts. Considering in this day and age, people write more than they speak. Writing can often be misunderstood.

That was a simple example, other times it may involve news we hear of people; rumours or gossip. This is very common nowadays, if it occurred to A’ishah RA in the time of the Prophet SAW, it can certainly occur today.

“O you who have believed, if there comes to you a disobedient one with information, investigate, lest you harm a people out of ignorance and become, over what you have done, regretful.” (49:6)

The path of every Muslim is hiding others’ faults and having a good opinion of others. This is why Allah ‘Azza wa jall ordered the believers to have a good opinion of people when they hear slanders of their Muslim brothers.

So to have Husnu Al-Dhann is the practice of the righteous, people of understanding and wise men from among Muslims, the ones who fear their Lord and desire victory and predominance for Allah’s Deen.

A few incidents to relate to:

It was said about Abu Ishaq Rahimahullah, that once he took off his upper-garment (‘amamah) (which was worth 20 dinaar) so to make ablution – when suddenly a thief came and stole Abu Ishaaq’s garment and left an old garment instead of it. So when the Shaykh Rahimahullah finished his ablution he just took the old garment and wore it. He didn’t even notice it, until he was asked about it while he was teaching.

So he replied: “It might be that the one who took it, was in need of it.”

This is the highest degree of Husne Dhann, in my opinion.

From Zayd ibn Aslam RH who said: Someone entered upon Aba Dujanah Al-Ansary (Radiyallahu ‘Anhu) while he was sick. His face was glowing like the light of the Moon, so he was asked: “Why is your face shining?”
He replied: It is because of no other deeds but two I used to hold on to:
– I would never speak of that which does not concern me, and the second is that the Muslims would be unharmed and secure in my heart.
[Siyar A’lam Annubalaa]

Imām al-Nawawī (may Allāh have mercy on him) was deprived of the Night Prayer for six months because he thought negatively of one of his companions. After that, whenever he saw a person, he would tell himself that this person is the Qutb. Later, a man saw al-Nawawī in his dream in a beautiful state. He asked, ‘Who is this?’ He was told, ‘It is the Qutb!’

The man approached him in one of his lesson, but when Imām Nawawī saw him he said to him, ‘Keep what you know to yourself.’ He became a Qutb because of Husn al-Dhann (having a good opinion of others). No person should look down at any of the Muslims, because a small Muslim is big in the sight of Allāh, Exalted be He.

[Paraphrased from one of the Friday Lessons of Shaykh Ṣāliḥ al-Jaʾfarī (d. 1979), Imām of the Azhar, may Allāh Sanctify his secret]

At one point, Imam Shafi’ee (may Allaah have mercy on him) became sick, and one of his students – his most famous student al-Muzanee – made du’aa: “may Allah make your weakness stronger.”
Imam Shafi’ee RH said: “If my weakness became stronger, I would die.”
The student said: Wallahi, I didn’t intend anything except good.
{Shaikh as-Sindee commented: “And look how the Imam Ash-Shafi’ee dealt with his students”}
Imam Shafi’ee RH said: If you had cursed me explicitly, I (still) would have known that you really didn’t mean it.

[Source later supplied by Shaikh as-Sindee: In Shaikh ul-Islaam Ibn Taymiyyah’s refutation upon al-Bakri, and Ibn Taymiyyah (may Allaah have mercy on him) called it “a well-known story.”]

If we do not have good thoughts of others and give them the benefit of the doubt, this will result in the opposite, which is suspicion.

“O you who have believed, avoid much [negative] assumption. Indeed, some assumption is sin. And do not spy or backbite each other. Would one of you like to eat the flesh of his brother when dead? You would detest it. And fear Allah ; indeed, Allah is Accepting of repentance and Merciful.” (49:12)

From Abu Hurayrah (Radiyallahu ‘Anhu) who narrated: The Messenger of Allah  said: “Beware of suspicion, for suspicion is the worst of false tales, and do not look for the others’ faults, and do not do spying on each other, and do not practice Najash, nor be jealous of one another, and do not desert (stop talking to) one another. And O! Allah’s servants – Be Brothers!” [Saheeh Al-Bukhari]

We must excuse each other’s mistakes and defend each other’s honor, never speaking ill of, or deriding each other. We should keep each other’s secrets, advise each other sincerely, and never abuse each other. The Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) said, “It is not permissible for one Muslim to distress another” (Abu Dawud).

Ismail Ibn Nazir Satia (One who is in dire need of Allah’s Forgiveness, Mercy and Pleasure).

30 Rabiul Awwal 1437

Muslim Women: Achievements and Virtues

By Mufti Abdur-Rahman ibn Yusuf


How does a woman fulfill her relationship with Allah Most High, and at the same time, also serve the community?

There are many extremes in this.  For example, some people believe that women should not be educated at all; that they should be kept completely ignorant so that they don’t know anything beyond the basics of their faith. This is completely rejected by our deen. Mawlana Ashraf Ali Thanawi, for example, compiled the famous work Bahishti Zewar and aimed it particularly toward women. The comprehensiveness of the book suggests it is a work that ought to live on the bookshelf of every home and used as a guidance for every aspect of a woman’s (and indeed her family’s) life. Indeed, such is the usefulness of the book that it is not uncommon to find muftis using Bahishti Zewar as a reference point nowadays.

There is the other extreme, too. There are women who discover some Islamic knowledge by way of their own research and suddenly, they believe they are qualified to derive and deliver Islamic rulings. Seeking knowledge is commendable in its own right, as is the desire to follow Islamic rulings.  At the same time, one must realise that there is an established and functional system that exists for Muslims to acquire knowledge and rulings.  It is when individuals fail to appreciate and engage with this conventional, mainstream system that rogue, isolated and wayward ideas and theories are formulated.

There was a case a few years back where a woman gave the adhan for Friday prayer and another woman led a congregation of men and women.  Needless to say, both actions are contrary to the Shar’ia.  Of course, in both of these examples the women felt they were doing the right thing. Some would argue these women were bringing Islam into the twenty-first century by introducing gender equality to the mosque.  What the women failed to realize is that Islam welcomes individuals looking to revive the faith, but does not require individuals to innovate new practices. After all, Islam has its own code of equality which was established over a thousand years ago independent of any western ideas. Why would Islam suddenly need to be introduced to a modern-day conception of equality?

Here, I would like to mention narrations that show the role of women in education and transmission of knowledge from one generation to another. Undoubtedly, mothers are the first source of information for their children. A look into Islamic history throws up many examples of great scholarly figures like ibn Hajar al-Asqalani, Imam Bukhari and Muslim, and we find that they were brought up in the laps of their mothers. Who knew that young Abu ‘Abdillah Muhammad ibn Isma‘il of Bukhara, later known as Imam Bukhari, would shape the understanding of many Muslim scholars and laymen that came after him?   There can be no doubt that the mothers of these monumental scholars made a significant contribution to their success.  The famous idiom “Behind every great man is a great woman” could not be more relevant than in the life of Imam Shafi’i, who was brought up by his mother alone, who was a widow.   Clearly, many women get closer to Allah Most High than men do because of their devotion and sacrifice for Islam. This is something that our Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace) did not overlook; our Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace) would frequently consult with his wives.

Umm Salama (may Allah be pleased with her), the Wife of the Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace)

The first example is a very famous incident about Umm Salama (may Allah be pleased with her) during the Treaty of Hudaybiya. The Companions travelled from Madina to Makka with the Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace) to perform the umra but were prevented from doing so by the non-Muslim Makkans. The stand-off was overcome when an agreement—the Treaty of Hudaibiya—was signed, permitting the Muslims to perform umra the following year. Because the Muslims had come with a desire to perform umra this year, they were very disappointed and disheartened. The Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace) asked them to shave their heads and sacrifice their accompanying animals, so they could come out of the state of ihram (pilgrim sanctity).  However, due to their disappointment, they appeared reluctant to do so.  So, the Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace) went inside his tent with concern and told Umm Salama, his wife, about what was going on. She told him (Allah bless him and give him peace) to go and sacrifice his animal and shave his own head in front of everyone. The Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace) came out from his tent and did exactly what Umm Salama (may Allah be pleased with her) suggested.  The advice of Umm Salama (may Allah be pleased with her) proved sound, as the Companions immediately tried to emulate the Prophet’s actions and thus carried out his command.

The Daughter of Abu Bakr, Asma’ (may Allah be pleased with them)

Asma’ bint Abi Bakr was a great Companion from the time she was young. She was the older sister of ‘A’isha and the daughter of Abu Bakr (may Allah be pleased with them all). When the Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace) and Abu Bakr (may Allah be pleased with him) were migrating to Madinah, Abu Bakr (may Allah be pleased with him) took all of his wealth with him. He did not leave much behind for his family. In his home, there were a few family members; his two daughters, his blind father and perhaps one or two other people. Abu Bakr’s father kept complaining and asking about what Abu Bakr had left behind for them. So Asma’ (may Allah be pleased with her) got some pebbles and covered them up with a cloth and then took her grandfather’s hand, letting him feel the pebbles from over the cloth. Thinking they were coins, the grandfather said that Abu Bakr has left a lot for them. From this we can see how Asma’ (may Allah be pleased with her) used her wit to deal with the situation.

The Daughter-In-Law of Umar bin Khattab (may Allah be pleased with him)

When ‘Umar ibn al-Khattab (may Allah be pleased with him) was the caliph, he was patrolling the streets at night. He decided to take a break and was resting in front of a house. From inside the house he heard a mother and a daughter talking. The mother instructed the daughter to add water to the milk they had so that they would have more to sell. The daughter reminded her that the caliph had outlawed this practice. Though the mother retorted that the caliph wasn’t around to witness this rather dubious practice, the daughter asserted that Allah Most High was the Ever Present, the Ever Watchful and refused to do it.

Like any father, ‘Umar (may Allah be pleased with him) wanted pious spouses for his children. The following day, he ascertained that one of his sons, ‘Asim, was looking to get married.  ‘Umar (may Allah be pleased with him) proposed a marriage between ‘Asim and the girl and they got married. ‘Asim and his wife had a daughter who was known as Umm ‘Asim, who later on married ‘Abd al-‘Aziz ibn Marwan, the brother of ‘Abd al-Malik ibn Marwan (one of the powerful caliphs of the Umayyad dynasty). This daughter gave birth to the great caliph ‘Umar ibn ‘Abd al-‘Aziz. ‘Umar ibn ‘Abd al-‘Aziz was the one who, in a period of two and a half years, sorted out the situation of the Muslim ummah for a while and dealt with all the injustices that had taken place. So it can be seen how piety, especially in women, filters down to others because they have such a great influence and impact on their children and grandchildren.

Owing to the amount of time a mother and child spend together, a more direct and intimate relationship is established. It could be said that the mother’s characteristics are passed down to her child and therefore there is great responsibility on a mother to be an excellent role model.

The Daughter of Imam Malik

It is said that when Imam Malik, a great Imam of fiqh and hadith, was teaching, there would be pin drop silence despite the very large class size. The respect he had for the prophetic hadiths would also be seen in the people who listened to him; people would sit in awe whilst studying hadith with the Imam. The Imam would listen to his students and whenever a student would make a mistake, there would be a knock on the door near to where Imam Malik would sit to alert them to the mistake.  The knock was from his daughter who had memorized her father’s entire hadith collection, the Muwatta’.  Sometimes a young man would pass by the gathering and Imam Malik would remark that Allah Most High grants knowledge and tawfiq only to those He wishes. The boy, who was his son, was not interested in studying and when he would pass by, Imam Malik would make this comment. His daughter, on the other hand, was memorizing and learning from a young age. Imam Malik never prohibited her from engaging in the class. After all, she was observing the etiquette of hijab. There has been no prohibition for women studying the religion as long as the rules and regulations of hijab are observed.

The Daughter of ‘Allama Samarqandi

Among the Hanafi scholars of the 4th and 5th century, there is a great scholar by the name of ‘Allama Samarqandi, the author of Tuhfat al-Fuqaha’ (The gift to the jurists). Among his students was Badr al-Din al-Kasani who also became a great jurist, may be even greater than his teacher. Among the other students of Allama Samarqandi was his own daughter. She was such a great jurist that many people asked for her hand in marriage but she refused. She said that she would only marry someone who could teach her something new. ‘Allama Kasani wrote a commentary on his teacher’s work called Bada’i’ al-Sana’i’. He presented the work to his teacher and when she read it, she realized and appreciated the knowledge that he possessed and accepted his proposal.  Thereafter, all subsequent fatwas issued by this household were jointly signed by the father daughter and son-in-law.  This shows that a woman, too, can be a muftiya and jurist. Unfortunately, we do not see enough of this today. The more sacred knowledge that a woman sincerely acquires, the more observant she becomes of her religion and the more she becomes modest in the sight of Allah Most High.

The mother of the last ruler of Granada, Spain

‘A’isha Umm Muhammad was the mother of Muhammad, the last ruler of Granada, Spain. On the day that he had to surrender Granada to the Christians, he began weeping. What his mother said to him on this occasion has been written down in books and recorded in history. She said to her son:

“O person of vile nature, were you not from noble Arab ancestry? I am ashamed that you were born to me. Your senselessness and impotency has ashamed me to even own you. Were a stone born to me instead!Don’t cry today like a woman over what you could not defend like a man.”

Such was his mother. Instead of succumbing to the maternal instinct of consoling her child, she objectively accounted her son.  This is a great example of how women, at times, keep their senses in situations where men may become despondent and defeated. This is really important given a woman’s influence within the Muslim community. Nobody is going to deny a woman’s contribution to the Muslim society as long as it is done in the right way. The problem we have today is that people are pursuing liberalism and buying into aspects of extreme feminism.  Though some goals of it may be praiseworthy, it is largely misguided.

Motherhood is an extremely cherished concept not only in our faith, but in any human civilization. The problem with some feminists is that motherhood is looked down upon. A woman that chooses to be a housewife or a full-time mother is perceived as less successful than a career woman. A woman being on the board of a big company, meanwhile, is a special thing; it seemingly raises her esteem in the eyes of others and almost gives people a cause for celebration.  But a woman raising great sons and daughters, for example, doesn’t really attract the same kind of celebration. Celebration of motherhood is very important. The way to deal with feminism today is to celebrate motherhood as much as possible.

Celebration of Motherhood: the Story of Hajar (Upon Her be Peace)

Hajar (upon her be peace) was left in the desert by her husband Ibrahim (upon him be peace) according to the command of Allah Most High. She had nothing. No food. No extra clothing. No water.  Ibrahim (upon him be peace) did not even initially provide her an explanation as to why he was leaving her there in Makka. He just took her there, turned around and started to leave. She managed to ask whether this was according to a command of Allah Most High. When he responded in the affirmative, she told him that Allah Most High will not abandon her. Immediately, her maternal instincts kicked in. Her son became thirsty, and she began to run back and forth searching for water seven times in between the mounts of Safa and Marwa. This act of hers was so significant that, thousands of years on, millions of Muslims still emulate this action of hers as a rite of hajj.  Her action of searching for water appeared so simple but Allah Most High made it so significant. It is an achievement of motherhood. It is from this event that we get the blessed water of ZamZam. One could say zamzam is a gift of motherhood.  Also, this is probably the only religious rite the world over in the major religions that celebrates a woman’s action.

The Story of Umm Sharik (may Allah be pleased with her)

At the time of the Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace), there was a female Companion by the name of Umm Sharik (may Allah be pleased with her). She embraced Islam early on and was a very active member of the community. Umm Sharik decided to give da’wa to the people of the community. She went to the houses of those who were not Muslim and talked to the women about the new faith of Islam, and they started embracing it. Umm Sharik was very successful, and eventually, her tribe found out what was happening. They wanted to punish her and stop her propagation. Her tribe was travelling somewhere and she was tied up outside a tent in the hot desert without any water or shade for several days. After a few days, she became dehydrated and was completely disoriented, so much so, that she did not know what was happening anymore.  One day at noon, when the sun was at its peak and it was really hot, the members of her tribe retired into their tents to take an afternoon nap leaving her alone outside. At this point, she suddenly saw a pot of water coming down from the heaven towards her. She drank from it. It moved away, then it returned and she drank from it again until she was completely satiated and refreshed. Once her tribe woke up and they saw how refreshed she was, they began to wonder what had happened. She told them about the occurrence and how she had received the water, but nobody believed her. They said that she must have taken the water from their supplies somehow while they were asleep. The tribespeople began to check their water supply and found that no water was missing. It was at this point that the truth of her words dawned on them and they all accepted Islam. Her example shows us that if the active people in the community take their obligations seriously, then they can be a source of guidance for their entire community. Likewise, if people are active in wrongdoing, it can filter down to their community and bring about unwanted consequences.

Most problems today exist because of ignorance. There are individuals who are successful in their secular work or career but are not too concerned about their faith.  Sometimes, when such people decide to do something for their faith, they may do so with a lot of zeal but it is generally with superficial knowledge of the faith.  Their Islamic knowledge is sometimes not even enough to get them through their day-to-day obligations, let alone refute or convince others. Such people then stand up to defend the faith against Islamaphobia and other vile attacks against Islam. Although their intention may be praiseworthy, their defense takes the form of “reforming the faith.” They end up trying to apologetically convince people that Islam shares the same values as the secularists, and suddenly you have women leading Friday prayers, calling the adhan and other such activities that are unsanctioned in the faith. These people feel they are sincere in their faith, and want to do something for it, but often forget they lack the correct knowledge or qualification. So out of their ignorance, they engage in ideas and actions that are contrary and far removed from Islam. Such people think they are helping Islam, when, in fact, they are actually hurting it.

Establishment of the Qarawiyyin University

While the famous Azhar University is commonly known as being the first university to be established back in 361 A.H., there already existed another less famous university called Jami’ al-Qarawiyyin in Fez, Morocco.  The Qarawiyyin was founded and built by a woman called Umm al-Banin Fatima bint Mohammed ibn Abdillah al-Fihri. Her father was very wealthy and had taught her well. She was a jurist, and used her inheritance to build Qarawiyyin, a madrasa for students to stay in and learn sacred knowledge. Similarly, Fatima’s sister, Maryam bint Abdillah, founded the Jami’ al-Andalus on the other side of Fez. These women used their wealth for the cause of Islam and did something no man had hitherto accomplished. Similarly, the wife of the caliph Harun al-Rashid had a water canal built, called the Zubayda Canal in Makka, as a water source for the pilgrims to address the difficulty that existed of a reliable water supply. An impressive aqueduct was used to carry the water to the pilgrims and can still be seen today.

These examples show that women, like men, can be activists, savvy problem solvers and visionaries. Unfortunately, there are some people who are suppressed so much that they feel they cannot do anything for their faith, while on the other hand there are those who become prey to the Shaytan, and their misplaced zeal leads them to focus on the absolute wrong things and they end up dividing the community.

The Daughter of Sa‘id ibn al-Musayyab

Sa‘id ibn al-Musayyab was a great tabi’i (an immediate successor to the Companions) also known as the leader of the tabi‘in (sayyid al- tabi‘in). His daughter learned all the hadith that he knew. She was so beautiful and knowledgeable that many people sought her hand in marriage. ‘Abd al-Malik ibn Marwan who became the caliph of the Ummayyads also asked for her hand in marriage but Sa‘id ibn al-Musayyab refused. He had her marry an impoverished student of his. Once after marriage, her husband put on his cloak to leave the house. She asked where he was going and he said to study with her father. She told him to take his cloak of and sit down and she would teach him the knowledge of Sa‘id ibn al-Musayyab. Her husband said about her that she was the most beautiful and the most knowledgeable about the Sunna, and she knew the rights of her husband.

Hadith on the Reward for Women

Women are getting rewarded automatically for doing things that they have to do as part of their human life cycle. They are getting the same reward that men would get for doing things which take a long time to do. They are getting so many rewards in those nine months and beyond. Allah Most High has made both men and women different but at the same time they both can achieve the great stations in the sight of Allah Most High.

Asmaa bint Yazeed (may Allah be pleased with her) came to the Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace) and said may my father and mother be sacrificed for you O Messenger of Allah. I am a representative of the women to you. God has sent you as a messenger to all the men and women, we have believed in you and your God.  Now we women have been confined to the houses, we bear your children, men have been preferred over women in terms of Friday and the other congregational prayers, visiting the sick, attending funerals, doing hajj after hajj, and more than that, jihad in the path of Allah. When you men go out for hajj, umra, or jihad, we look after your property, we weave your clothes, and we bring up your children. Will we not share with you in the reward? [Note here that the women aren’t seeking to do what men do; they recognise their responsibilities but want to know if they will get a share of the reward.] The Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace) then completely turned around to the companions and said to them, ‘Have you heard any woman asking about her religion better than this?’ They said, ‘O Messenger of Allah, we never thought any woman could have been guided to do this’. Then the Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace) turned to her and said ‘Understand O woman, tell the other women behind you, that a wife looking after her husband, seeking his contentment and going along with him is equal to all that.’ The woman went back with her face shining with happiness (Usd al-Ghaba1:1313).

A woman looking after all of her husband’s interests, playing the role of the mother and the woman of the house, is getting an equal amount of reward as her husband when he is out earning a living and generally meeting all his obligations.  The woman is playing a great role which is important for the progeny to continue and for the family to work as a whole.

Shaykh Akram Nadwi, in his book the Muhaddithat, the female hadith scholars in Islam, has compiled numerous volumes on the lives of the women hadith scholars. In his introduction, he writes, “I have worked through much material over a decade and I have spent more than ten years compiling biographical accounts of nearly eight thousand muhaddithat.”  Interestingly, he notes that not one of them has been reported to have considered the domain of family life inferior or to have neglected the duties therein or considered being a woman undesirable or inferior to that of a man.

These stories and incidents are only a few examples to show us the zeal of women, their willingness to participate in society and their desire to achieve great feats in this world. Crucially, women can achieve all this, whilst at the same time playing the role of a daughter, a sister, a wife and a mother.

Transcribed by Rabiah Nargis

Edited by Abdul Aziz

I want to see. . .


I want to see men who are selfless, caring and compassionate.

I want to see men who stand up for the truth with courage, spirit and valour.

I want to see men who are protectors of their families, not cowards.

I want to see men who are full of ghayrah and jealousy, nerve and audacity, guts and gallantry.

I want to see men who are guardians – wary and watchful,  like shepherds watching their flock – not apathetic, not neglectful.

I want to see men who are ‘men’, not just males. Even animals have male species, but they are unable to do what we are capable of.

I want to see men who are good fathers, loving and devoted, playful and joyful, not moody and grumpy with regimental rules or over disciplined.

I want to see men with who are empathetic and sympathetic, who are thoughtful and considerate without reciprocation.

I want to see men who think intelligently, speak intelligently, and act intelligently – not docile and passive.

I want to see men who are articulate, eloquent and handsome in language; whose speech stirs fear in dead hearts and wakes up a sleepy mind.

I want to see men who are not beguiled by materialistic charm and charisma, rather they are content and appeased.

I want to see men who would give their lives fighting for what is right, standing for people’s rights; not fear anyone to gain the mist of peace even if they had to battle through a war of fog.

I want to see women who appreciate their true value, who are not limited to the colour of their skin and the size of their hips.

I want to see women who are fit and healthy, not forcefully anorexic and skinny to impress society’s desires.

I want to see women who comprehend what a ‘good woman’ is; it is far more than she who has the highest heels and tightest clothes.

I want to see women who understand being a mother is priceless; not every woman is blessed enough to be a mother.

I want to see women who have careers and jobs, but also realise there is no greater career and no superior job than the upbringing of children in a rightful manner.

I want to see women who dress to impress, yes, to impress Him SWT and only Him SWT.

I want to see women who are queens of their homes, without being bossy and dominant, be leaders of their children, be managers of their husband’s needs.

I want to see women who are good Muslimah daughters, give da’wah and attend circles without forgetting their obligation is with their family and parents first and foremost.

I want to see women who marry men for their character and piety, not just for his job, looks and salary.

I want to see women who support their husbands and encourage them without being negative or their first opponent.

I want to see men and women who will hopefully read this message in a positive light as that is the intention I have written it with. May we all take heed from the good and please forgive me and correct me on anything that comes across negative, In Sha Allah.

“A bitter truth is better than a sweet lie.”

Ismail Ibn Nazir Satia

(One who is in dire need of Allah’s Forgiveness, Mercy and Pleasure).

14 Rabiul Awwal 1436

In a world of Kardashians, be a Khadeejah RA.


In the name of Allah, the Most Merciful, the especially Merciful.

“She broke the internet,” they proudly said. “Who did?” asked the little, old man living under the rock.  Kim Kardashian broke the internet by flaunting her fully revealed derrière, slim waistline and all the rest.

We live in a world where women are awarded God-like statuses for having cheekbones so defined they can cut, for having their eyebrows sculpted with the latest tools and for having an eye-poppingly, beautiful hourglass figure. We live in a sad society where girls half my height (I’m an average 5’6 for the record) know how to contour and strobe and highlight and crease.  Now, don’t jump the gun and box me off with the other ‘haraam police’ suffocating in the last cabinet drawer.  I am a huge lover for all things make up and beauty but my concern lies when they have the power to conjure people into obsessive, obnoxious and narcissistic beings.

Turn on the TV, look at billboards around you, pick up a magazine or two, flick through Instagram and you will notice how we, as a society, are sickeningly fascinated or almost bewitched by good looks.

This fascination is universal. Some may disagree and say it’s limited to certain groups of people or specific cultures but I strongly believe otherwise.  Being British Asian, I’ve seen it on both sides and it is the topic that will solely take up most of my ‘Things I HATE’ list.  I have witnessed women gossiping with hearts flashing in their eyes about X who is so slender, so tall and oh so rosy in comparison to Y who, said with almost an expression of sympathy (argh the nerve!), is on the other end of the spectrum. There will be zero mention of piety, zero mention of intelligence and absolutely no mention of their personality. I find it incredibly sad, shallow and superficial that there is no recognition of things that actually require effort like wit, charisma, individuality, loyalty, humour, confidence, ambition and so much more.

We are surrounded by the Kardashians who, in my personal opinion, have really escalated this vile ideology of looks over the rest.

In this difficult age, I salute women whose role models are the likes of Khadeejah and Aa’ishah (Allah be pleased with them both).  As much as I love Aa’ishah (Allah be pleased with her) for her vast knowledge and defiance in the face of corruption, my heart melts with deep love for Khadeejah (Allah be pleased with her).  Her existence precedes mine by over 1400 years but every aspect of her beloved personality and character can be absorbed into ours and if I can, at the very least, continuously strive to mirror that, I am happy.

Khadeejah (Allah be pleased with her) was the daughter of Khuwaylid and Fatimah; they were almost figures of royalty amongst the Quraysh. She was widowed twice and had a son before her marriage to prophet Muhammad (peace and blessings upon him). Khadeejah (Allah be pleased with her) had heard about the honesty and truthfulness of Muhammad (peace and blessings upon him) but asked Nafisah and Maysarah more on his character. Why? Because ultimately, that’s what matters. Muhammad (peace and blessings upon him) and Khadeejah (Allah be pleased with her) came together through character and their marriage was praised throughout Makkah.

When the Prophet Muhammad (peace and blessings upon him) would remain in Hirah for days on end out of his love for isolation and contemplation, Khadeejah (Allah be pleased with her)  did not complain about his lack of given family time or his continuous absence. Rather, she herself, at the old age of fifty-five, would climb up the rocky mountain to deliver his food and to offer comfort.

On the day of the first revelation when our prophet Muhammad (peace and blessings upon him) came down in a state of shock and confusion and spoke those famous words asking Khadeejah (Allah be pleased with her) to cover him, she didn’t say to him that maybe you shouldn’t be up there in the first place or maybe you’re just going mad all alone or maybe some demons have possessed you. Instead, she religiously, physically and emotionally consoled him. She (Allah be pleased with her) immediately tried to alleviate the grief that had struck our prophet by soothing him with her words, ‘Allah will never disgrace you.’ She (Allah be pleased with her) went on and listed all the beautiful natured habits he held and in essence, was telling him how much she loved him and how much Allah loved him (peace and blessings upon him) came.

وَاللَّهِ مَا يُخْزِيكَ اللَّهُ أَبَدًا، إِنَّكَ لَتَصِلُ الرَّحِمَ، وَتَحْمِلُ الْكَلَّ، وَتَكْسِبُ الْمَعْدُومَ، وَتَقْرِي الضَّيْفَ، وَتُعِينُ عَلَى نَوَائِبِ الْحَقِّ

“By Allah, Allah will never disgrace you. You keep good relations with your kith and kin, help the poor and the destitute, serve your guests generously and assist the deserving calamity-afflicted ones.” (Bukhari)

This woman, the beautiful Khadeejah (Allah be pleased with her), who lived her life like a queen with all the luxuries, supported our Prophet Muhammad (peace and blessings upon him) with all that she had financially.  When times got incredibly tough during the boycott, she didn’t have access to, what was once a basic necessity for her, food and drink.  Despite this, she never once wavered but defiantly stood beside our Prophet Muhammad (peace and blessings upon him) as a solid force of support and loyalty.

When Khadeejah died (Allah be pleased with her), this support system that never once faltered before came tumbling down. Our prophet Muhammad’s (peace and blessings upon him) loyal wife, first believer, strong supporter,  children’s mother, died as a result of the boycott. She was his fallback, she facilitated his aim, she complimented him in his goal. We all need that one person who will believe in us unconditionally, who will stand by us in moments of fear, insecurity and vulnerability, who will catch us when the going gets tough, who will facilitate our dreams, who will be our backbone and for our Prophet Muhammad (peace and blessings upon him), that person was none other than the mighty Khadeejah (Allah be pleased with her).

I dream of a world where women are inspired by others due to everything other than what they are naturally blessed with. I dream of a world where every woman is more than just the fine nose and the hollow cheeks. I dream of a world where every woman is driven by an inner substance and a raging ambition. I dream of a world where every woman wants to be a Khadeejah (Allah be pleased with her) and not a Kardashian.

Allah grant every Muslimah the understanding of her true value, and the courage to practise her faith wholly for His pleasure. Ameen.

Umm Abdullah

20 Safar 1437

Women Visiting the Cemetery

Assalamu Alaykum

Question: Are women allowed to go to the cemetery?


Al-Jawab Wa Billahi at-Tawfeeq (the answer with Allah’s guidance)

The opinion of some jurists is that it is not permissible (at all) for women to visit the cemetery, since the Prophet (Sallallahu Alayhi Wasallam) has cursed those women who visit the cemetery. As for the narration:

Prophet (SAW) said, ‘I used to prohibit you from visiting the graveyard, but now you can visit it. (Musnad ahmad).

These scholars state that the address is given only to men, not women.

Another opinion of some jurists (which is generally accepted and practised upon) is that, if by visiting the cemetery, women begin to cry, weep, wail and become uncontrollable, then it is Haram for them to go to the cemetery, and it is on account of this behaviour, the Prophet (SAW) cursed such women as mentioned in the above tradition. However, if the purpose of going to the cemetery is to take a lesson, and remember death and the hereafter, (and there is no possibility of crying and wailing), then it will be allowed for the older (50+) women, wearing their proper garb, to visit the cemetery, and not the young women.

As mentioned by these scholars, the allowance for these women to visit the cemetery is based on the narration which states that Aisha (RA) used to visit the graves of the Prophet(SA), Abu Bakr and Umar (RA). (Hashiya Jamiul Masaaneed wa As Sunan). (Kitabul Fatawa vol.3 pg.228; Marghoobul Fatawa vol.3pg.317,317).

However, due to the fact that women are soft by nature, if they go to the graveyard at a time that is close to the burial, then it is feared that they may cry loudly, and may become emotional, since the death of the person may still be fresh in their minds. Hence, it is best for them to allow a few days to past, when they have settled down.

See also:

1) All scholars have no dispute about the point that it is prohibited for Muslim females (including pregnant women) to frequently visit the cemetery. This is due to the authentic Hadith of the Prophet Muhammad (Sallallahu Alayhi Wasallam) who said : ” May Allah curse the women who are frequently visiting the cemetery ” (Authentic, Tirmidhi).

* If an old female (50+) visits the grave to remember death and soften without crying there is no harm. However, It is Makrooh for young women to do so.

(Shaami vol. 1 p. 665 – Maajidiyya)

Imam Bukhari has recorded a Hadith of Sayyidatuna Umm Atiyya (Radhiallaahu Anha) that she said, ‘We were prohibited from following the Janazah, i.e. until the graveyard.’ (Bukhari Hadith No.1278; See Fathul Baari vol.3 pg.187)

Imam Tirmidhi (RA) has recorded a Hadith of Sayyiduna Abu Hurayra (Radhi’allahu Anhu) that Rasulullah (Sallallahu Alayhi Wasallam) has mentioned,

‘May Allah Ta’ala curse women who visits the graves.’ Imam Tirmidhi has graded this Hadith as Sahih – authentic (Sunan Tirmidhi vol.1 pg.203)

“Allàh curses the women who visit the graves” (la‘ana Allàhu zà’iràt al-qubur) 

Narrated from Abu Hurayra by Ibn Hibbàn in his Sahïh (7:452 #3178)

“Allàh curses the women who visit the graves and take them for places of worship and candles,”

Narrated from Ibn ‘Abbàs by al-Tirmidhï ( hasan), Abu Dàwud, al-Nasà’ï in both in al-Sunan and al-Sunan al-Kubrà (1:657 #2174), Ahmad

“Allàh curses the women who fre­quently visit the graves”

(la‘ana Allàhu zawwà­ràt al-qubur).

Narrated from Abu Hurayra by al-Tirmidhï ( hasan sahïh ), Ibn Màjah, and Ahmad.

The author and jurist Abu Is-haq Ash-Shirāzī stated,

“It is not permitted for women to visit the graves due to what is reported from Abu Hurayrah (radhiya Allahu ‘Anhu) from the Prophet (sallallāhu ‘alayhi wa sallam) that he stated, “The curse of Allah is upon women who visit the graves.” Tirmidhi

Allah knows best.

Approved by Mufti Ibrahim Raja Saheb (Hafidhahullah).

Ismail Ibn Nazir Satia  (One who is in dire need of Allah’s Forgiveness, Mercy and Pleasure).

1 Safar 1437